View Full Version : Break up after nearly 2 years. She needed "space"

03-16-2016, 08:41 PM
My ex (she's 21 and I'm 23)ended our relationship of almost 2 years in the ending of February. She says she needs space and I've been giving her nothing but that. The thing is she likes to call and texts me from time to time or even sapchat me of what she's doing. All of this happened right of the blue. Everything seemed to being going so perfectly well.
She told me that she needs space to think about school and work to pay not only for school but for her recently bought car and how hard everything is for her. I absolutely respected her decision. I told her that I'd be there for her if she needed help with anything or if she just wanted someone to talk to about life and what not.
After about a week into the break up she finally came forth and told me that that wasn't the only reason for needing space. She said she had "feelings" for someone in we class. I was utterly destroyed when she said this. I asked her what type of feelings and she responded with "we just have things in common". I told myself why would anyone throwaway someone they love so much for someone they think is cooler because they have things in common?
It's been a month since our break up. She likes to initiate all communications with me and tells me all these wonderful things. The occasional "Good morning Love" text and the "how are you". I respond with normal texts and what not. From time to time I'd even get a phone call or even a FaceTime.
The thing I honestly have no clue over is why is she doing this. She'd do all this for my attention then about halfway through the night or day I would be completely ignored. I do my best when it comes to NC. But it feels like she has power over me. We go a day or so with NC then she'd shoot a text like how I said above. The process would repeat.
Another thing is whenever I see her in person she's hold me like there's no tomorrow. She'd hold me. Touch my arms, shoulder, face and hands. Every single time I've seen her she does this. There'd be an occasional kiss too.
All in all I'm not sure what to do or how to handle any of this. Everyone I have ever talked to about this told me just to move on. I'm stuck between fighting for what I want and letting faith take its course.
As of right now she does not want a relationship with anyone. The way I see it and be "how well" I know her she's telling me the truth.
Just need a little guidance on how to handle any of this.

03-21-2016, 10:53 AM
Got this out of a Savoy Webinar a few years ago and it's absolute golden advice. It's not word for word, but it might help:

1. Get away and get perspective on the hole thing and some peace. Cut off contact. This whole hovering around thing will do you no good (and usually cause unnecessary drama)

2. When you reflect, don't lie to yourself about anything. Be honest with yourself about what you did wrong, what her flaws are, how you both handled situations etc.

3. Face reality, you are now single. And free to do what you like.

4. Use that freedom to focus on yourself. Do sports, meditate, do whatever you need to to keep your mind off of it.

5. Get some help from someone you trust. Someone you can bitch too and vent your feelings. Don't do this for too long though. We all know "that guy who can't get over his ex". He is not very likable.

6. Decide what you want to do about your ex when the time is right. Up to you. Keep in mind the reasons why it ended, who broke up with whom, and what the new dynamics would look like.

7. Fill your life up with things you enjoy. A new hobby, new people, reconnect with your buddies. We all have that habit of letting our buddies come a bit short when we're in a LTR. They're usually quite happy to have you back on the squad.

8. Stop being a bitch about it, you've done step 1 till 7, you're a new (more awesome) guy.

9. Understand what went wrong and what you need to do better.

10. Move on to whatever you decided in step 6.

The best of luck!