View Full Version : Fling finally dumped me after 2 years

03-07-2016, 08:52 PM
don't expect any sympathy.

I dated a girl for 2 years at work, but it was a fling, however it grew to a weird relationship were we rarely hung out outside of work (due to me being in a controlling and unhappy marriage). I obsessively lied to the fling for years making excuse after excuse for not (meeting my parents, going to my home, spending holidays/weekend/date nights together) and it went on. She obviously questioned it through out the years but believed my lies. I told her I rented a room with a craigslsit family and was a home body due to my social anxiety and had no family in america. All lies of course, I was really a full family man (wife and 3 year old son) who went on vacations almost every weekend. I was in a unhappy marriage and was not trusted (as i shouldn't be). But never considered a divorce because i loved our son and family (only for the first few weeks of dating the fling) did I have a talk with wife about how I was unhappy. But after that I never once made an effort to hangout with fling outside of work due to fear of getting caught, I was caught 3 months into relationship, where both woman talked to each other and exchanged words. But I lied myself out of that too. Even after this, the fling thought I lived alone. Keep in mind the gf was 20x better looking than wife....

The fling did love me, I was her first bf. But I just lied and lied. All she wanted me to do was have divorce finalized (she thought i was separated) and after 2 years of waiting, a rumor about me at work triggered a huge argument and stress for both of us, this reached boiling point and she finally decided our relationship wasn't real since we never had date nights, met parents and never did the divorce from "separated" wife. I lied and said I did do divorce papers last week. But it was too late for her. She slipped away everyday after days of me not texting her. We finally became friends a week later but after a heated argument at lunch she said enough. Her parents hated the fact that I presented false divorce paperwork at the 6 month mark, since then never liked me but did invite me for latest holidays, I even turned down a new years with fling where she bought tickets to amusement park and ended up taking sister instead. because I made another excuse. I know I am a scumbag, but I did a lot for her family who lives overseas. Lent over 1.5k in money, give rides, presents, etc...She finally said she sick of waiting and hated the fact that I had a son who would be getting older and the fact that she would have to deal with babys mother. All of this I would imagine a 22 year old girl does not want with a 30 year old man. She said I was not a priority and that's the reason she had enough.

I miss the void I filled. The terms of endearment via text message everyday. ..her face. We would even talk about how we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together, thats until she met my son when he was 3.

The fling was young, absolutely beautiful, I was her first bf....but took advantage. How can I bounce back? I guess I suffer from a really low self esteem where not even my son and wife can get my mind of this break up with my affair. The odd thing is, this fling made my marriage last, I was always happy knowing I had a young beautiful gf, but it was also stressful lying all the time to this gf.

I know this is selfish, but I feel depressed and cant enjoy family life. I have no more enjoyment. I hope this feeling goes away but we both work together. I know I am 100% in the wrong and she deserves to meet a man who will fulfill her needs. The fling is upset I took her virginity but I treated her like a queen daily with compliments and gifts.

Today we met for a final break up talk, then she was destroyed when she found out truth (partially), even after swearing she would never get back with me, she freaked out when I said I was dating and ran off crying. Why would a woman not want to be with a man, but then cry and runaway when she found out I moved on?

I will never have such a beautiful girl like this again. Yikes!

03-07-2016, 09:14 PM
You got issues man

Gonna get out of that marriage and stop lying?

No, please don't give me the "we should try to make it work for the kid". The relationship is for you and your partner, if it ultimately doesn't work but you stay together "for the kid" you will mess up your kid's perception of how a healthy relationship looks like and your kid have a high risk of ending in unhappy relationships throughout its life.

And what's this about "I will never have such a beautiful girl again". First, the relationship was fubar so who cares how pretty the girl is, second, do you actually know what this forum is about?

03-08-2016, 04:05 AM
No one is perfect, we all make mistakes..You are a cheater and a liar! karma caught up with you. Now you just have to live with the consequences.
It doesnt matter how you felt about your hook up, you will now feel as if she is the only girl on earth and you will have a major case of oneitis..you know why? because she dumped you while you could have had her and its human nature to want what we cant have. You can try to get her back down the road but I would suggest that you take sometime off for now..restart your feelings and when you are in a healthy position again, try to establish contact. ..

As far as your marriage goes, as its been suggested, see what you want and man up and make a choice..Do you want the marriage to work? if so, stop cheating and focus on making your wife happy. go find good resources about relationship management read some good books like men are from Mars women are from Venus, do couple therapy and just do you best to keep your wife interested.
If you do not want to be in this marriage anymore then just see how you and your wife will handle the divorce in the lease stressful way..

All the best man

03-08-2016, 07:05 AM
You got issues man

I know I do. I just made an appointment to get mental help.

I've known about this forum way before I was married.

03-08-2016, 07:10 AM
you will have a major case of oneitis..you know why? because she dumped you while you could have had her and its human nature to want what we cant have.

You're spot on 100%. I already admitted some things that hurt her, so I doubt she will get back with me. So I'm just going to try and get over her as much as possible.

I'm an idiot to think I could get away with cheating and living double lives. Vacationing on the weekends with wife and kid, while I'm texting my 20 year old bombshell I love her and we're going to be together forever. But that was when she was younger, now that's she's 22, her attitude has changed. She cant stand that I have a son.

I will try my best to work on marriage, my wife is an amazing woman to me. I know if I lost her, I would probably go 10x as emotional, then the 22 year old bombshell.

03-08-2016, 01:14 PM
My wife is an amazing woman to me. I know if I lost her, I would probably go 10x as emotional, then the 22 year old bombshell.Being sad about getting a divorce is of course perfectly normal, and if you love her, of course you'll be hurt and feel abandoned, maybe even for quite a while.

But it's a big problem if your happiness is completely linked to you being with a certain woman, or with a woman in the first place.

I truly think that men needs women in one way or another to really feel whole, it's the icing of the cake, without woman in a man's life, there's something missing. But it's not something crucial. You should have a foundation of core-happiness that's completely independent of women or else you can't feel the happiness of finding that "icing".

Who are you if everyone else is gone?