View Full Version : Complicated

12-14-2015, 09:49 AM
Hi all, feel I should give you a brief bio on my ex first shes 38 been married 3 times all abusive relationships of varying types and reading between the lines she was abused as a kid although I didn't want to delve too deeply on that one. previously suffered depression and hospitalized after a breakdown a few years ago. She's an associate manager in a very stressful job under staffed by 4 and works longer hours to cover the workload of everyone, she also lost a couple of relatives around this time last year she's been close to breaking point a few times but puts a brave face on at work. refuses to admit she may have depression (has 7 out of 9 symptoms according to google) and ties to deal with it herself and she sweats the small stuff alot.

We started dating back in February and she was very guarded with her feelings but over time she started to let me in. we fell in love with each other and I'd never felt about any previous women in my life anywhere near what I felt with her. we loved every second with each other although it always flew by. still got excited when I was seeing her and her me. she was perfect to me and what I'd waited 26 years to find in someone. and she told me she's the happiest she's ever been. I respected her, tried to cheer her up when she was down, cared for her and would have protected her no matter what. made her happy with the little things, always complimented her, never put her down at all, always listened to her, never treated her badly.and we've never had an arguement never even raised my voice to her. the only issues we had which were there from day 1 were a massive difference in food tastes and although she liked the stuff I did she preferred spicy, thai, chinese etc none of which I like so although challenging, I offered to start trying new stuff so we could dine out at posher places. which she was used to. and a different perspective on sex (which I put down to previous relationships etc) to me neither of these were deal breakers as there was so much more to us than that. but i know they did play on her mind.

So after 6 months of bliss at the beginning of September she asked me to move in with her ( despite telling me right at the start that she didn't want to live with another man for at least 10 years) so this was a very big thing for her! then at the end of September she sent me a Quote "When you meet the right person, you know it. You canít stop thinking about them. They are your best friend, and your soulmate. You canít wait to spend the rest of your life with them. No one and nothing else can compare" again knowing her, a very big statement that would have taken a lot for her to say.

Everything was going great as I felt exactly the same. then 3 days before our second holiday together to Egypt in October a close family friend died. we went on holiday and a couple of days after we got back she had the funeral to attend and then straight back to work. it was then she started going distant on the texts ie no kisses or emoticons not saying anything lovey as she did daily before. I just put it down to the funeral and stress of work etc. spent the following weekend with her and everything seemed normal between us then when I got home I asked her if we were ok? to which she replied she just needed some space as was feeling overwhelmed and had to sort her head out. so the following Wednesday were chatting on whatsapp as normal and she says she cant stop crying so I drop everything and go over spend the next couple of hours cuddling and listening to her problems (mainly work) until she stops sobbing and says she's ok, she also had doctors the next day to get results of tests for lady problems which she told me were ok.followed by another week of pushing me away more.

Its now 3 weeks of this and I'm still telling her she's beautiful and I love her daily. when she arranges a meet saying we need to talk and then without discussion of any sort just ends it.
giving me the following excuses ; got stuff to deal with and can't be in a relationship, not happy in the relationship and that she's lost who she is. to me these are 3 separate excuses without giving me any specific reason. but she still wants to be friends.
then when asked a couple of days later the a proper reason she said During the last 6 weeks I've been feeling it didn't feel right.....and better I tell you than leave it. but again no specific reason and contradicts herself as 6 weeks was around the time she said she couldn't wait to spend the rest of her life with me I still couldn't understand it because it didn't make sense to me as nothing was different until after the holiday only 2 weeks before. so asked her again for a reason she then replied" that I had done nothing wrong but she realized in Egypt she didn't see a future for us as not everyone matches" despite an amazing holiday
I'm so frustrated as I feel she's just making excuses and hasn't given me a specific reason or the chance to make things right before ending it. so the only things different were the funeral and the hospital results. makes it even harder as I work for same company so see her daily in passing.

so its been over a month now but the other day at work I was sat in the canteen at work and she came in but out of 50 empty tables she chose the one right next to me to sit at, although didnt say anything. I left and then went back in 30 seconds later and she was now sat in the chair i'd just got up from. does this mean anything?

she's now blocked me on facebook, although i've never contacted her through fb since we split.

was there something wrong with hospital results?
is this the depression or grief talking?
Is there something she's not telling me?
Why end something so great without talking about whats bothering you?
Why wait six weeks before saying anything?
How can you want to spend the rest of your life with someone and then not see a future together within weeks?
If realized in Egypt we had no future why drag it out another 3 weeks before ending it?
Do I give up on her and move on?

Just read all this back and it sounds like its hard work but to me she's worth fighting for, I just dont know who or what i'm fighting!!! Sorry it goes on a bit but thought would get better responses if you had all the information. can anyone help as I'm confused?

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