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View Full Version : 4.5 LTR ended. Still living with her



juuuman
11-19-2015, 04:34 PM
Hey guys,

Just using this forum as a place to channel my thoughts and maybe get some advice.

My gf broke up with my a couple months ago. I am 28 and she's 27. The relationship was great the first few years while we were in college. I've always worked nights, so we'd pretty much hang out all day before and during class. She would stay up late waiting for me to get off work. After we both graduated, things got pretty rocky but we got through most of our problems. I came from a pretty poor family, and her family was well off(not wealthy, but didn't stress out much about money).

She got a job after college, and our schedules were pretty much opposites of each other. She worked mornings and I worked nights. Sometimes she would work sundays and I would have to work Saturdays so that made it even harder for us to spend time with each other. We moved in together earlier this year. We pretty much split our rent and utilities down the middle.

Anyways I had trouble looking for employment after college, but I still had my night job. Eventually I started working 2 jobs off and on, getting laid off frequently. I went back to school to pursue a different field.
Currently I am working 2 jobs 60+ hrs a week and going to school part time. I had recently gotten into some legal issue( I'd rather not say - but it happened when I was 21 and finally caught up with me this year) but it left me down in $35k.

I've never been the jealous type. She would go out with her friends while I as at work and I never saw anything wrong. Anyways, a few months ago, I noticed she became more distant and I started seeing her less and less even though we lived together. A couple of weeks before the break up, I went into AFC mode and started getting a clingy. Telling her how much I need her (blah blah blah). Looking back now, I hated the way I was when I was clingy and needed. Anyways, I got very desperate and started telling her how much I missed her and how great she was. I ended up getting depressed because she kept ignoring me and brushing me off.

We finally had the talk and she told me that I didn't put much effort into the relationship as she did( She was right though, I didn't see all the signs she was throwing at me). I was devastated but I had already given up so my response to the break up was a bit non-reactive. I didn't beg for her back, or cry. I told her "it hurts but I guess it's the best way to go". I'm a pretty non-dramatic guy. She tells me that she's not seeing anyone else(I believe her but im not 100%). She also said it wasn't because I worked all the time but it's just an effort thing( but I do thing its because my stupid work schedule) . I wanted her back but did not want to pursue her as I was not in the best state to get her back.

The first month after the break up, I was focused on entirely work and school( 70+ hours of work and whatever time to study) Pretty much got up early to go work out( 530) then to my first job, and got off my second job at around midnight. Class every tues and thurs and study after. I got burnt out after a month as I was only getting about 4 hrs of sleep a night. I really couldn't sleep either way. I tried to avoid seeing her at all and just talked about bills and what not regarding our living situation.

I wanted to improve myself, and only then maybe I'd try to get her back.
The secondt month, I was still getting up at 5:30am almost everyday to go to the gym. I started working less hours and my friends showed me nothing but love and a good time. I started approaching other women( although I've been striking out). I've been reconnecting with a lot of good friends in the past who I have igorned.

Anyways we began to start being friendly with each other again. We even had dinner a few times. We still joke around. We hadn't have sex though (although I want it bad). I've pretty happy in the last few weeks with or without her. I've tried to even initiate sex and she was reject but I would play it off and pretend I can just get myself quicker anyway.

The other night I came home late, to find out she was talking on the phone with someone til 1 am. All of the sudden I became jealous and angry. I know we're not together anymore but it seems like she's recovering and I'm receding back to my old ways..

Anyways I have to head out to work. but I would like to hear any comments, concerns and advice. Thanks for reading

flash
11-19-2015, 05:15 PM
Hey man. I think your pain is common to a lot of guys. Whenever I break up with someone I've been seeing for a while, I want things to go back to the way they were and I have some insights for you.

The first is that this is an opportunity and not a setback. Think of this as an opportunity to make new friends, invest time with old friends, and not be so attached to this one girl. Don't pursue her or tell her you want her back. This is also an opportunity to improve your skills with meeting women. When a girl I had feelings for rejected me, I began this crazy journey of self-development and self-discovery that made me better. Right now, you are focusing on the tangible. "If I only had THIS ONE GIRL." Instead, focus on yourself. Go out and focus on having a good time. Get better with your overall skills with meeting women over time. Don't think that this is the only girl for you, because you might meet someone better. Let her talk to whomever and detach from that situation. You can't control it or tell her what to do with out seeming controlling.

Don't let the fact that you are striking out make you feel like you are not worthy of other women. BY BEING HUMAN, YOU ARE WORTHY OF LOVE AND SEX. I think of both love and sex as human rights. No one should judge you for wanting either and you don't need to hide your desires.

I've definitely been jealous and I've seen women try to make me jealous. You need to focus on bettering yourself so you can attract other women.

Give it time. Do not feel the pressure to get over it immediately. These things take time. In the meantime, focus on the activities, movies, and music you enjoy and let things take their course. This is not the last good woman on earth.

juuuman
11-19-2015, 11:08 PM
Thanks man for the advice

My thoughts are all over the place right now.
Yeah, I my main focus right now is to better myself. Now most of the time I feel fine without her. It just got me one night.
It was weird at first since we still live together(logically it was the best thing for both of us to do money wise) but now it seems as though we're friends. I guess I got put in the friendzone but whatevers. Our lease is over in a few months and I'm actually excited for whats to come. I've taken her off that pedestal and now ready to move on.

flash
11-20-2015, 07:31 PM
Thanks man for the advice

My thoughts are all over the place right now.
Yeah, I my main focus right now is to better myself. Now most of the time I feel fine without her. It just got me one night.
It was weird at first since we still live together(logically it was the best thing for both of us to do money wise) but now it seems as though we're friends. I guess I got put in the friendzone but whatevers. Our lease is over in a few months and I'm actually excited for whats to come. I've taken her off that pedestal and now ready to move on.

Amazing!!!!! That's a great step in the right direction.