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View Full Version : I find myself back on the forums after a 4.5 year relationship end



motings
11-10-2015, 02:57 PM
I am 25 for starters. I started learning and practicing my game back when I was 16 then when I was 20 I met my now ex girlfriend. At first I wasn't sure what I was looking to get out of seeing her as i had another girl I was also talking to and had the potential to be more than friends. I picked the one girl who I was wanting to spend more time with and kinda just did a MIA to the other girl. Our relationship kicked off great the first couple years was a smooth sale until her sister moved back home. Her sister and her relationship with each other was very close, too close as her sister was a bit controlling and manipulative. Me being the person I am, if something is bothering me im going to address it. So her sister and me would constantly get into arguments and yell at each other. I even told my ex that when i came to hang out with her it was as if i was dating her sister also and she agreed and we tried to make solutions, not chilling at her house as much and go out and do more things with my friends (she bailed on her friends cause they were just negative people so she didn't really have a lot of friends anymore, besides her sister..) When we got into arguments it would be her saying we never do anything fun, we don't go out.. I was confused cause we would be going out multiple times a week and I tried to explain to her that it was expensive to go out alll the time cause both of our jobs paid min wage.. she didn't see where I was coming from. so last Christmas I left my job (where she worked also) and I said we need time apart, I know the timing was shit but it was going to happen sooner than later. About 3 weeks went by and we started talking again. though this time I felt like she didn't really feel the same about me as she did before, it felt like she didn't trust me anymore or that she expected me to try super hard to work through whatever it was that we were going through b4. She didn't really ask to go anywhere or do certain things, she would always rely on me to make the plans. I explained to her that it cant just be me all the time doing things cause were gonna be doing things that I wana do, u need to suggest things that you wana do cause I cant just guess.. ANYWAYS... about 3 months ago her sister and I got into another fight and I just came up with the solution that I just didn't wana see or hang out with that bitch anymore. so I avoided her whenever I went over to her house.. About a month and a half ago my girl and me got into another fight and she hinted on taking another break so I said yeah maybe its for the best. She said she just needs to be single right now and I asked wait a break where i can sleep with other girls and guys for you? I don't know how I feel about that.. She said I could do whatever I wanted and she was not gonna hook up with other guys cause she said that's not on her mind and wont be for a long time cause this was the longest relationship she had been in. So we would hang out once every 2 weeks and then one day I asked her where this was leading to cause it felt more of an easier way to break up. I asked her if she could see us back together and she said she didn't want to label anything as she felt like she needed to continue being single and work on herself before committing to a relationship again.. I was a little bit pissed when I heard this because what I thought was going to be a temporary break turned out to be an actual break up. I told her that what she was doing was not fair to me.. She cant expect me to wait around for her until she feels ready and me not know when that could be.. weeks? months?years? i explained to her that if she really wanted to improve on her life then i was going to do the same and I said i'm not going to communicate with you anymore.. maybe in the future we will cross paths again and be reunited as completely different people and see where that goes, but as for now I think its better that both of us just go our own ways. deleted her of facebook, instagram, and snapchat.. she freaked the f out, saying you're just going to throw a 4.5 year relationship away? just like that? its like u never cared for me or loved me at all.. I said i'm doing this because it is what you want you just don't want me out of your life completely.. but I cant be friends with you. We shared something special and I still have those feelings for you, I cant be a friend.. and its because I do care about you and love you so much.. this is just the best thing to do right now.
We haven't talked in over 2 months now..

I recently got a text from that girl who i was kinda seeing when i met my future ex gf. I think she wants to date me or something but I am not in any way ready to jump into that commitment right now.


I have 3 questions.. if anyone read the whole thing lol...

1. what should I do about my ex? do you think I was right in doing what I did?

2. What should I say to this other girl who is texting me now? I don't try to get into deep convos with her and I don't really bother to text her most days cause I wont wana seem too interested, I like the girl but I cant have a relationship right now, I need to work on my life again.

3. does anyone have any advice for me? how to better my life? I am in a pretty weird place right now, and me being out of the scene for so long I am very rusty and a lost some confidence. If anyone has anything positive to advise me on please do so.


P.S I have tried to talk to my friends about this but they don't really want to listen, I can tell. I have always had good feedback from you bros on here. Thanks for reading. <3

TheRogue
11-10-2015, 05:32 PM
Breakups suck.
1. ) You did the right thing. The relationship wasn't working, and you went no contact to work on yourself. 20 is a very young age to have a relationship. You're still young now, and should be using this time to focus on yourself, grow, and meet other people so you know whom you're compatible with.

2.) Don't get into another relationship now. I would say be honest with the girl about where you're at, what you want, and not being ready for a relationship. I wouldn't recommend an FB situation either (might turn into a rebound), but maybe some of the guys will have better advice on this.

3.) Make a list of all the cool sh*t you wanted to do with your life before you got a gf. Go out and do it, whether it be traveling, picking up a new hobby, or moving to a new place. There is no one holding you back from achieving your dreams, so now is the time to do it. Also, don't forget to make friends along the way!

You're still young, grab life by the horns! :)

Rogue

Northern Lights
11-10-2015, 06:53 PM
It sounds like you did the right thing all around. The Rogue's advice is excellent. Try to relax a bit and enjoy life.

As you have had some heavy emotions to deal with lately, try to do things which lift your spirits a bit. Try some new things which
you think will make you happy. It's important to bring positive new experiences into your life to replace the recent difficult ones.

Looking back on your relationship with your gf, a couple of things stood out. One is that you worked together and another is that
you were both making minimum wage.

I don't recommend working in the same place as you partner. You need a break from each other. Seeing each other all the time
is really difficult. Try to avoid this in the future if possible, unless you have really strong feelings for the girl.

Finances can strain a relationship. Try to work on your career to increase your earnings and financial stability. Now is a great time
to look for a new job as the economy is much better than it was when you got into this relationship.

Not sure how up to date you are with the changes in game that LS has adopted over the last few years.
Game now is more natural and about becoming a physically fit, financially independent man who is passionate about his life and women.

Take a look at the project rockstar and 10D pua reviews. They have been very inspiring to me and they could be to you. Good luck!

motings
11-11-2015, 07:55 AM
Thanks for the great advice Rogue

motings
11-11-2015, 08:02 AM
Oh yeah, I can imagine how much it has changed over the years. I still received e-mails so I could see some of the new styles. For me when I was in high school I used to use game straight from the book. then I Just started becoming more natural with approaching girls and talking to them. I have always gone to the gym so im in pretty good shape. I just lost a lot of my confidence being out of the single social environment for so long. My single friends seem really happy that i am single again, haha.

You and Rouge are both right, Just need to live life and go after the things I want since I have nothing but myself.

I will definitely check out the reviews you suggested. Thanks again guys