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Fernando2826
11-10-2015, 02:00 PM
My ex and I broke up last year after a ridiculously intense relationship, albeit a relatively short one (my first). I loved her more than anything and felt emotions I had never experienced previously. We ended up going away to college, agreeing to make it work but she got together with another guy after just two weeks. During our time together she had called me "soulmate", had spoken of our future and our children and had apparently written such things in her diary (I didn't read it), so I believe she believed it...

Following the advice of coach Corey Wayne, I avoided showing weakness during the break up and simply left it at, "if you change your mind, you know where I am", although we are 4 hours away from one another now. She contacted me occasionally over the next few months and I briefly responded so as not to seem bitter (she knew I had seen her messages). After a few months of seeing the guy she had left me for, she said that she missed me etc. I told her that I wanted to avoid contact as it was hurting me and removed her from social media, which she said had really hurt her.

A few months later, she found out that I had had a car accident and immediately called me to ask how I was. I didn't pick up but eventually responded to a text. We ended up chatting over the next few days and then met up over Easter. It was fairly awkward but acceptable. I then didn't hear from her for months.

Recently she messaged me out of the blue and asked to go for a drive. I found her to be hugely apologetic for no apparent reason. She explained how much I had meant to her, but that going away to uni had distracted and changed her priorities, that she had got absorbed by it and ignored her obligation to me due to insecurity and desiring male attention. OK.

We slept together that night, and the over the next few days she messaged me consistently, her saying it felt like old times. She said 'for heaven's sake this is confusing' and 'I'm not sure how to feel/think', 'I can't believe what happened' etc. On the night, she said she had been non-exclusively seeing a guy for about 6 months, but they had called it quits over summer. She still called him a potential, but then said she wasn't sure she wanted a relationship with anyone. I know that she has been messaging him constantly over the Summer.

After her few days of confused messaging she then stopped and invited him to visit her over the weekend. She called what had happened 'extreme nostalgia' and said 'I don't want to get back into a relationship'. Since that night, they visited each other a few times, but she was still opening conversations with me on occasion. So is she just not sure about the other guy?

On the face of it, it seems as though she came to me when things were going badly with the other guy. She even said "I can't talk to him like I can talk to you" and that she had wanted someone to talk to that night. However, she had stayed in his hometown for the weekend prior to seeing me and said that things were going well with the other guy, so why see me? I know I don't want to come across as her therapist or patch but is it such a terrible place to be in where she feels she can open up to me and not to him? Also, we slept together so doesn't that suggest some attraction remains?

TheRogue
11-10-2015, 03:56 PM
You can like someone and be attracted to them, yet be totally incompatible in a relationship. This is probably what's going on here. She had residual attraction; you do too, but this doesn't mean you should be in a relationship with her. Just see it for what it is, and if being in contact with her is holding you back from moving on, cut the thread for a while.

The important thing for you is to grow into your own person and eventually find someone the "new you" is compatible with. Look to the future, not back at the past.

Rogue

Fernando2826
11-10-2015, 04:10 PM
You can like someone and be attracted to them, yet be totally incompatible in a relationship. This is probably what's going on here. She had residual attraction; you do too, but this doesn't mean you should be in a relationship with her. Just see it for what it is, and if being in contact with her is holding you back from moving on, cut the thread for a while.

The important thing for you is to grow into your own person and eventually find someone the "new you" is compatible with. Look to the future, not back at the past.

Rogue

Hi :) Thanks for your reply.

Thing is, we seemed very compatible when we were together. I suppose that it was indeed residual attraction. Does this mean that she is less attracted to me now than she was at the start of our relationship say?

Supposing it must be the case that she was back in a familiar environment over the Summer, people were mentioning me, she was reading her back diaries and she wanted to meet up to apologise for her mistakes in the past. We met up, there was residual attraction, familiarity and perhaps a degree of uncertainty over her plans for the future, leading to what happened?