PDA

View Full Version : How can I stop blaming myself!!



raiyans
11-10-2015, 06:51 AM
When I was young, my parent travelled for a vaccation. My mom knew that I always wanted a watch as all my friends had ones so she got me this beautiful watch.
problem is, unlike my friends watches that were digital, mine had forks and was so hard to read. After many attempts of reading it I finlly got fed up.
I put it in the floor and I stepped on it. I broke my beautiful watch. The pain and guilt I felt after was tremendous.
The adult version of this story is what happened in my relatinoship.
I can not stop feeling guity after I have finally lost my girlfriend. Eventhough she dumped me, I am the one whos feeling guilty here.

I feel that eventhough she was complicated and hard to read like my watch, I failed to be patient and finally broke the relationship.
My girlfriend, unlike the girlfriends of my friends, was stupborn, had little time, maintained a strong frame etc. She was one of the most beautiful girls
I have ever seen in my life and also one of the smartest.
I feel as though, I failed to man up and understand and treat her as a woman. As I think back, few moments come into my mind.

When my girl came to Austria after three months of us not seeing each other. She only drove to my town to spend 4 hours with me.
I got so angry and frustrated that she did not want to spend a night with me and I ended up acting really bad. I feel as though, I should have
been more patient and shouldnt have thought of spending a night in my bed as a right that I must claim. I feel that I should have given her more
freedom eventhough, she was again going away for another 3 months and that ment I would not have sex for half a year unless ofcourse she was okay
with me cheating.

when away doing her internship. We didnt talk on the phone for two months. I asked her to orgnise a trip to South Africa, and she refused as she said
she was unsure about how she felt about me. I told her lets talk on the phone to see if we can get the attraction back. We did and I did manage
to get her attracted again. but the fact that she said she was not sure about me hurt my ego and I decided to strike back. a week later, eventhough I
did not mean it, I told her that I am unsure about the relationship and put her in a paniky mood just as a payback. again, i feel that I failed to
understand the fact that she is a woman and her feelings are fragile and swingy. I look back and I beleive that I should have been the man and should have
been the stud that the relationship was supported upon and instead I added to the uncertainity of the relationship.

When she came back, she did not even tell me that she is back in town. I spotted her car texted her to meet over the weekend but she left home and
forgot to tell me that the date will be cancelled. She came back and did not text me to make a new time. She had a lot of stuff going on and she was
under a lot of pressure. As a man, I should have just ignored this, acted normal and continued with my life till I heard back from her. Instead I got angry
and sent her a text that I am done waiting for her to text me for a time and am over it all and blocked her from my social media. there it was, I broke the relationship just like I did with my watch.

Sure I can say , well she had contributed to the breakup and say for example that she could have just texted me that she is back in town, or she could have
just not told me that she is unsure about her feelings towards me or she could have just texted me to change the date as she is gonig home. But instead
I am putting all the blame in myself. I think as a man I should have gotten hold of myself and my emotions and acted in a more mature way.

Sure she was difficult, masculine, tough, heartfull at times and a lot of bad things. But for somereason, I can not stop blaming myself for failing
to understand her.
What do you guys think. How much should a man put up with in a relationship and how can I stop blaming myself for the breakup.