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R J Macready
10-28-2015, 08:48 AM
Hey

I'm very new to all of this after recently coming out of a 13 year relationship. I'm really wanting advice/reassurance on how to deal with the situation.

My ex partner and I had been together and lived together for 13 years, pretty much my entire adult life. We'd had problems before but never even come close to breaking up.
In May this year a close friend died of cancer, then 4 days later another friend died and the stress of this made me really ill.

Around this time i noticed that Becky was acting differently, hiding her phone, being distant, less intimate and always playing with her phone.

I eventually had an opportunity to check her phone (I know, I shouldn't have) and saw that she'd been texting her assistant from work all day, a guy called Josh.
This pushed me over the edge and I lost it. I became so ill that I ended up in hospital because I couldn't cope and tried to do something very stupid.

All of the way through this time my ex was adamant that nothing was going on and he was just a friend. I didn't believe her and i kept on pushing for a different answer, i just wanted to know the truth!

After some digging i found out that she had been going to his flat after work, she lied to me and said that she was at the cinema.
I got this other guy on the phone and he refused to answer a lot of my questions, but did admit she had been round to his place, but it was just to watch TV... i also found out that she was at his place the night I was at my friends funeral, she lied and said she was at a work conference that she couldn't get out of...

Eventually my ex moved to London (we lived in Leeds) and I haven't seen her since, we haven't spoken for over a month now, she messages every now and again or tries to call to see that I'm ok, but at the moment I don't want to speak to her.

I've never been as hurt by anyone in my whole life, all of my family has passed away, I live in an isolated area and I'm dreading spending Xmas alone. Ultimately, and it might be stupid, i do want her back, or to at least give it another go and see what happens.

One thing that I'm really struggling with is moving on, I don't feel that I can until I know the truth. To me it's pretty obvious that she was cheating on me, but I still have this tiny doubt that she didn't do anything

Any advice would be greatly appreciated, I just need a different perspective on all of this, thanks and sorry for such a massive post!

Victory
10-28-2015, 02:15 PM
I've never been as hurt by anyone in my whole life, all of my family has passed away, I live in an isolated area and I'm dreading spending Xmas alone. Ultimately, and it might be stupid, i do want her back, or to at least give it another go and see what happens.

One thing that I'm really struggling with is moving on, I don't feel that I can until I know the truth. To me it's pretty obvious that she was cheating on me, but I still have this tiny doubt that she didn't do anything


You said it right here. You need to get to the bottom of it and find out for real that she cheated on you so that you can move on with your life. Be honest and tell her you want to know what actually happened and you are interested to give this another go.

R J Macready
10-28-2015, 06:04 PM
You said it right here. You need to get to the bottom of it and find out for real that she cheated on you so that you can move on with your life. Be honest and tell her you want to know what actually happened and you are interested to give this another go.

Thanks for the reply.

I said this to her countless times, she's still says that he just a good friend and she didn't do anything wrong. It just doesn't add up to me though, in regards to getting back together she says that she can't be in a relationship with anyone at the moment, but she wants to remain friends.

I've told her that doesn't work for me, if she's not interested in working things out then I have to just walk away. I hoped this would push her into giving things a go, but it seems that she's fine with never seeing me again.

I'm at a loss with what to do, apart from keep up the no contact and maybe one day she'll realise what she's lost, very unlikely now I guess because she's moved 200 miles away

Victory
10-29-2015, 05:58 AM
Based on her response, at this point, you have to let her go mate. Give her a break and let her come back to you.

You should go out, engage yourself in the activities you love and meet new people. And, if you still can't help yourself thinking about her read this book 'How to fall out of love'.