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View Full Version : Can't figure her out. Is she interested? No? Playing hard to get?



lovelydovey
10-18-2015, 06:56 AM
Ok so the story went like this. Met this girl from Tinder. Tbh before meeting her i wasn't really keen on seeing her cause she doesnt look like the kind that interest me. So i showed up to my date 30mins late, I was there punctual but i forgot some stuff in my car so i had to walk back. And when i saw her i was like woah, she looks so different from her pictures. She's actually pretty cute and she has this short-tongue speech and a very cute laugh.

So she got me instantly hooked. We only met for 2 hours plus cause it was a after work weekday drinks kind of thing. Shes a very conservative person, never had boyfriend before. I told her straight up about my past tinder flings and she was obvioulsy being very judgmental. But nonetheless, we still hit it off that night lots of laughter cause we are the same type of people. We teased each other back and forth (in a non-sexual way), so yeah we had fun. Shes very resistant to sexual innuendos its very hard to work with. Like 2 examples were like

" So what perfume are you using, makes me want to take the scent home tonight. "

her reply was q curt " Thats so pervy, not telling you."

Me : " Can i tell you something."
She : " Keep those thoughts to yourself."

long story short i sent her home. She told me like how she has met many guys before and most of them lasted 1 date and only 1 lasted like 3? I was like wtf. So i said "Dont you ever dare do this to me."

So we started texting and i kept sending flirtatious messages over to her and she doesnt flirt back at all. Not to say there wasn its damn frustrating. Like there was once she told me how she was late for dinner cause she was stuck talking to her boss at the lobby for 40mins. So i replied "Yeah, thats pretty much how long our first date lasted. Haven't met anyone so eager to go home that it isn't mine."

So things were going okay until the next date which is a week after. This time i think things got slightly better. Like when i meet her I always tease/flirt w her. We actually went across the border for a day so I said like " Wow, second date and we're already going on a holiday." (The border is only like 45mins away so its like a short trip) So it was pretty nice and stuff we hung out till 2am, I can sense she's interested as we walk pretty close to each other. Still there wasn't any K close of whatever because she's just very... resistant. Like I don't know how to tell you, only thing i can think off is shes very conservative plus im from an asian country so i think people here are more conservative as well?

So anyway, I told her when can i see her again she said she's damn busy... like 2 weeks later? Like WHAT. My heart can't take tt long of a wait lol but of course i didn't tell her that. So anyway, i find that i am the one always initiating the flirty morning convos (with no reciprocation) so one day i decided not to text her at all. True enough she did text me

"Are you dead? If you're can i have your hedgehog?"

So me being stupid, went on a barrage of excited replies. Sigh. So things were gg normal again until i find that our texts chemistry seem to be dying of late. Like you can feel its very "forced" . Apparently she told me she has some work problems and is planning to leave her job etc so i suspected it down to it. So i told her I dont want our texts to be like a dead fish, so just take the weekend off and feel better.

She seems to be very appreciative den texted me a barrage of excited texts again. Its like she didnt want me to stop texting her? So I kept replying her until we left it there and then. The chemistry seems to be off again.

I find that she really likes to break momentum and its driving me nuts. I want to see her and hear from her but she hasn't replied me. I know better not to act needy but I also don't want to throw this away.

Do you guys think shes keen or shes just playing hard to get or she's really THAT BUSY. I did call her out once for playing hard to get and shes like "lol , i dont do mind games." WHAT BS.

What do you guys suggest I do. Should i text her again or should i leave it. If she starts texting me do i reply?

Duut
10-18-2015, 08:13 AM
I like how you kept teasing her and flirt with her a bit, most guys would give up, but this is nicely done! If you get her on another date, take it up a little bit, and I myself would go for a KC even if it is most likely she will reject.. I will play it off playfully, so she knows I'm sexually interested, and take what I want even though she didn't make it clear it was okay.

I'm curious though, if she is so reserved and not showing that much investment.. how did the convo on Tinder go, was it the same?

It sounds to me that she is interested, but not overly excited and not desperate to make time. So I suggest you do the same, if she is not texting you back, don't text again for +/- 2-3 days. It's the same when you didn't text in the morning when she expected you to, she will miss you and start to text herself.

Can you tell me how long you guys have no contact?

lovelydovey
10-18-2015, 09:48 PM
I like how you kept teasing her and flirt with her a bit, most guys would give up, but this is nicely done! If you get her on another date, take it up a little bit, and I myself would go for a KC even if it is most likely she will reject.. I will play it off playfully, so she knows I'm sexually interested, and take what I want even though she didn't make it clear it was okay.

I'm curious though, if she is so reserved and not showing that much investment.. how did the convo on Tinder go, was it the same?

It sounds to me that she is interested, but not overly excited and not desperate to make time. So I suggest you do the same, if she is not texting you back, don't text again for +/- 2-3 days. It's the same when you didn't text in the morning when she expected you to, she will miss you and start to text herself.

Can you tell me how long you guys have no contact?

It has been about 3 days already. Do you think she just suddenly lost interest? I mean girls HAVE PLENTY of options from tinder. And knowing her from tinder, she's probably chatting w another guy right now? Shucks man, I really like her.

If I don't text her at all, do you think she'll lose interest? I mean if i do, its an almost guranteed she'll reply (because she's nice like that) but I don't want to come off as needy ever.

I think the main reason why she hasnt showed such an interest with me is because of my past? Do you think it could be such a factor? Like i told her about my tinder hookups and stuff.

There was once she actually flirted with me like her parents were on a holiday and I told her not to feel so bad being stuck at home and she replied

"I actually prefer being here with you. HAHAHAHA. KIDDING."

So i replied

"Wow, congratulations. This is the first time conservative/shy Rachel flirted with me. Or would i call it semi-flirt *shifty eyes*"

Thought it was an opportunity to open up right? I mean I have her validation for flirting...BUT NO. NOTHING ANYMORE.

MAN! DAMN FRUSTRATING!

Duut
10-19-2015, 01:41 AM
It's a tough one yes, I get that it's frustrating, but keep in mind if this is how she is, she will most likely continue this sort of behavior.
So don't get consumed by the thought that you need to have her.

If it has something to do about your past tinder hookups you shouldn't feel bad at all. If you had a few dates it's okay, don't go into detail though. But a girl should accept that, and if they don't like it about you it's their loss. It's however possible she thinks you had too many dates through tinder and is reserved because she thinks you are a "player".

Don't worry about coming off as needy. As long as your text are not asking a big investment from her you are fine. Same if she isn't responding, wait a few days and text her again. Preferably a funny statement, or some callback humor involving the dates you guys went on. A picture from something nice you see or are doing is also something you can use.
Just don't ask her on a date until you guys have had some contact again.

Let me know how it goes.

lovelydovey
10-22-2015, 12:11 AM
So i've texted her 2 days ago with the same opener that she used the other day.

"Are you dead? Can i have your hamster?"
She replied " You don't even care for your hedgehog anyway. What's his name?"
" Bombom"
"LOL. That's cute. That's so much better than your two cat names."
"Rachel (her name) is the cutest i would say."
"Awww my ego missed you."
"If you heart misses me say its your heart already. Don't come lyin'."

So anyway after that i had to go for class so she said nice chat. I am still texting her in between and she does reply. Not necessarily short or curt but not flirtatious in anyway either. When i make some jokes, theres a lot of LOLOLOLs. But its like 2 friends chatting u know. I also went to tell her about my family problems. Is it a wrong move? Did i unromnaticize that?

But she tells me about her bitchy friend, her job etcetc. Just 2 plain hearty kind of chat. Nothing sexual u know. Everytime i try to flirt, I get nothing to build on. HELP.

I even went to say like
"You don't like vietnamese food, you don't like alcohol, you don't like chinese steamboat and you don't like me. Do you know how much youre missing out on life?"
She replied "Glad you know."
I then replied " But dont you worry, I'm gonna change all that."
She replied HAHAHAHAHA

And im supposed to meet her this weekend. Last we met was 2 weekends ago. She asked me if we could meet for supper instead. I replied like "WHAT. YOU MADE ME WAIT 2 weeks to see you again and now you're only seeing me for supper. WHO DOES THAT!"

Then she said "Well, chicks over dicks."
"We can go for viet food (she hates viet food) though! Since you like it so much. I'll try ask my friend to see if the plan is still on k. I'll update you."

Then i replied "Lol. No, im just kidding! Go ahead w your plans my friends are hanging out in the day i can join them. Ill see you for supper. Super stoked. :)"

the texts then just continued.

HOW DO I TAKE THIS ONE STEP FURTHER? I can barely establish comfort how do i even secure the k-close man. I think i will get slapped lol.

Do you think i've been stoking her ego too much and being too available? But i cant help it i always reply to her texts when i can (except when i have to work and stuff or when im at the bar w my friends)

Advice is much appreciated.

Rio
10-22-2015, 02:20 AM
1) what's ur goal? (bang a buncha chicks? find a gf? open relationship?)

2) u need to mack on (many) other chicks. ur neediness is so strong that even when ur aware of it u cant stop it.

ur chances with this girl are slim because you've arbitrarily given her an importance she has not built. I'd say go on the date(s) and escalate, but bottom line is go out with other girls. Ironically, getting in a relationship with this one would be the worst thing that could happen to you, because you'd be 100% her bitch and it would only set you back in terms of your personal development.

if u play ur cards right and work on urself and ur game, 2y from now you wont even believe you were into this girl.

lovelydovey
10-25-2015, 01:13 AM
1) what's ur goal? (bang a buncha chicks? find a gf? open relationship?)

2) u need to mack on (many) other chicks. ur neediness is so strong that even when ur aware of it u cant stop it.

ur chances with this girl are slim because you've arbitrarily given her an importance she has not built. I'd say go on the date(s) and escalate, but bottom line is go out with other girls. Ironically, getting in a relationship with this one would be the worst thing that could happen to you, because you'd be 100% her bitch and it would only set you back in terms of your personal development.

if u play ur cards right and work on urself and ur game, 2y from now you wont even believe you were into this girl.

Yeah I guess so. Last night didn't went so well. I mean it wasnt bad or anything but I just couldn't work with anything. We tried to play a game she joked that if she won, she wouldn't have to see me for 4 months which I joked that if she lost ill get a kiss from her. Apparently, she just gave a stone cold "NO." Like i felt really awkward and the chemistry was obv lacking. Tried my best to kino but she wasnt very accepting as well. I havent sucked this bad before man LOL.

We had laughs of course I sent her home on my motorbike and she seem to enjoy the ride. I decided that Ill not text her anymore after yesterday night but she then texted me "Home?" so i replied "Yes I am. Thanks for tonight and I hope you had fun (even though i know you didnt) hahaha" Then she replied "NO I DID. It was just that you made me talk about work thats why I was feeling down."

So yeah am still texting her this morning and tried teasing her but the chemistry seems to be a bit off. I enjoyed it much more previously. She's still replying my texts (i think out of courtesy) but I think im just gonna cut my losses and move on (not gonna reply anymore).

I can feel Im becoming very AFC-ish with her already.

IHave 2 dates this week but I feel a lil sad letting this one go but I guess its only for the best. Hope the 2 dates doesnt suck.

Rio
10-25-2015, 01:34 AM
We tried to play a game she joked that if she won, she wouldn't have to see me for 4 months which I joked that if she lost ill get a kiss from her.

wow.

she jokes that if she wins, her prize is to NOT see u for 4 months? did i get that right??? thats not funny, this is one of the (rare) situations where i'll actually call her on it with a straight face. if she doesnt wana hang, what's she doing there? she's wasting ur fucking time.

same with the escalation. if a girl takes longer than normal to get comfortable with my touch, i just friend zone her. if she's not down i'm gona find a girl who is, this isn't Dr. Phil.

that said, ur getting the cobwebs off, so u have to be a bit more patient. but dont degrade urself. hold ur time and ur company in high regard, otherwise nobody else will.

lovelydovey
10-25-2015, 01:46 AM
wow.

she jokes that if she wins, her prize is to NOT see u for 4 months? did i get that right??? thats not funny, this is one of the (rare) situations where i'll actually call her on it with a straight face. if she doesnt wana hang, what's she doing there? she's wasting ur fucking time.

same with the escalation. if a girl takes longer than normal to get comfortable with my touch, i just friend zone her. if she's not down i'm gona find a girl who is, this isn't Dr. Phil.

that said, ur getting the cobwebs off, so u have to be a bit more patient. but dont degrade urself. hold ur time and ur company in high regard, otherwise nobody else will.

Eh hahaha nono. sorry i didnt explain it clearer. It was sort of a private joke bw us like cause i told her before we met, i told her shed better not be late this time or she'll have to go out with me every single day next week. Because the last time we met was like 2 weeks ago and i thought it was a rather long time.

And after that she texted me awhile later "Hey, my friends and I are actually planning to go to the mall near k bar ( the place we are meeting. We are meeting after shes done shopping with her friends). See the great lengths i go to to avoid seeing you (nxt week). hahaha"

I don't think she's rude in anyway but she likes to joke and is actually quite funny (unlike other girls) and that is what got me attracted in the first place. :\

rockycruz
10-25-2015, 02:59 AM
Eh hahaha nono. sorry i didnt explain it clearer. It was sort of a private joke bw us like cause i told her before we met, i told her shed better not be late this time or she'll have to go out with me every single day next week. Because the last time we met was like 2 weeks ago and i thought it was a rather long time.

And after that she texted me awhile later "Hey, my friends and I are actually planning to go to the mall near k bar ( the place we are meeting. We are meeting after shes done shopping with her friends). See the great lengths i go to to avoid seeing you (nxt week). hahaha"

I don't think she's rude in anyway but she likes to joke and is actually quite funny (unlike other girls) and that is what got me attracted in the first place. :\

You're rationalising what she's saying. I just read what you put in this thread. I'd have fking friendzoned her so fast for saying that. Joke or no joke. I'm sorry mate but you really do come off needy, desperate even with this upfront act you're putting on.

Here...

" i told her shed better not be late this time or she'll have to go out with me every single day next week"

You have no idea about how to be cocky fun, how to joke. Your joke and acting cocky fun, degrades you. Why on earth would you make, seeing you EVERY SINGLE DAY of week, as some punishment?

That's a REWARD. That's the PRIZE. YOU are the prize. You don't say things like that as some punishment? Even as a joke.

Here, again...

"Yes I am. Thanks for tonight and I hope you had fun (even though i know you didnt) hahaha" "

WTF man? Why you putting yourself down for? You trying to impress her or something? It ain't cool mate, attractive to put yourself down even as a joke. Like being with you is not fun.

Don't talk like that about yourself and time one has with you. Not even as a joke.

lovelydovey
10-25-2015, 03:33 AM
You're rationalising what she's saying. I just read what you put in this thread. I'd have fking friendzoned her so fast for saying that. Joke or no joke. I'm sorry mate but you really do come off needy, desperate even with this upfront act you're putting on.

Here...

" i told her shed better not be late this time or she'll have to go out with me every single day next week"

You have no idea about how to be cocky fun, how to joke. Your joke and acting cocky fun, degrades you. Why on earth would you make, seeing you EVERY SINGLE DAY of week, as some punishment?

That's a REWARD. That's the PRIZE. YOU are the prize. You don't say things like that as some punishment? Even as a joke.

Here, again...

"Yes I am. Thanks for tonight and I hope you had fun (even though i know you didnt) hahaha" "

WTF man? Why you putting yourself down for? You trying to impress her or something? It ain't cool mate, attractive to put yourself down even as a joke. Like being with you is not fun.

Don't talk like that about yourself and time one has with you. Not even as a joke.

Hmm. Is that really putting myself down? I mean even if she wants to meet me next week i cant! Im swamped the whole of next week. Its just a v casual flirty comment.

But well i can see your point of me coming off as needy to her. But im just a very easy going person as i dont see the point in trying so hard to come off as alpha or anything like that. Impress her? Sure i can be v charming with my words but most of it is just shit guys say to flirt and not tt i mean it anw. I dont believe im trying to overcompensate.

I get your point about coming off as more serious. Im just a pretty chill person even like even with my guy buds they can have a laugh or two about me unless they cross lines which then i will fire back till they choke.

Ah well. I prob come off as a needy afc to her. Guess its hard to get girls nowadays if youre nt being a straight up alpha but i dont have tt embedded in me. Is being too chill a bad thing?

Solid advice though. Appreciate it.

rockycruz
10-25-2015, 09:17 AM
Hmm. Is that really putting myself down? I mean even if she wants to meet me next week i cant! Im swamped the whole of next week. Its just a v casual flirty comment.

But well i can see your point of me coming off as needy to her. But im just a very easy going person as i dont see the point in trying so hard to come off as alpha or anything like that. Impress her? Sure i can be v charming with my words but most of it is just shit guys say to flirt and not tt i mean it anw. I dont believe im trying to overcompensate.

I get your point about coming off as more serious. Im just a pretty chill person even like even with my guy buds they can have a laugh or two about me unless they cross lines which then i will fire back till they choke.

Ah well. I prob come off as a needy afc to her. Guess its hard to get girls nowadays if youre nt being a straight up alpha but i dont have tt embedded in me. Is being too chill a bad thing?

Solid advice though. Appreciate it.

Forget the Alpha bruv. I'm not talking about that. That's a different subject entirely.

What I'm saying is, when I read your words, what you're saying, I can feel the neediness, desperation bounce of the page. It really hit me hard mate between eyes. It felt like you're trying so hard to kind of impress her or something.

You can be chilled as much as you want mate. Nothing wrong with it. There is nothing wrong being laid back at all. I'm saying the words you're using, and phrases it's you're putting yourself down and at your expense.

What I am saying is believe in yourself. Believe you are the prize. Believe that she was meant to be with you. You can make fun and joke but not at expense of you.

That will take time but try to one that down.

Maybe approach more girls man, and get laid more, or something. But yes, tone it down a notch.

lovelydovey
10-26-2015, 08:23 AM
Forget the Alpha bruv. I'm not talking about that. That's a different subject entirely.

What I'm saying is, when I read your words, what you're saying, I can feel the neediness, desperation bounce of the page. It really hit me hard mate between eyes. It felt like you're trying so hard to kind of impress her or something.

You can be chilled as much as you want mate. Nothing wrong with it. There is nothing wrong being laid back at all. I'm saying the words you're using, and phrases it's you're putting yourself down and at your expense.

What I am saying is believe in yourself. Believe you are the prize. Believe that she was meant to be with you. You can make fun and joke but not at expense of you.

That will take time but try to one that down.

Maybe approach more girls man, and get laid more, or something. But yes, tone it down a notch.

Thanks brah. Yeah its fucked up that im hung up on a girl which i dont even know that well. God she is messing with my head.

So as menitoned earlier, I didn't reply her texts anymore. I feel kind of bad as she was still teasing me from the earlier text and I went stone cold.

But guess I gotta save myself from growing into a loser or else nobody could help me anymore. God, its sure a tough road to be a better man.