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View Full Version : Things going to BREAKUP. I went to the NC. She owes me some $ and DANCE..



kitcat
10-10-2015, 01:09 PM
Hi guys.
I need your help - this bitched "syndrome" when the world created in your head falls - overwhelmed me. It squeezed me in hand-hundred-ton. I struggle with it .. gathered will in a fist .. But the past draws to himself. Replaces the present. I do not want to believe what was happening.
Drill pierces the brain and shakes it’s pieces across the skull ..


"It’s a summer romance». Summer romance ..
The emotional tornado. All 2 months and 3.5 weeks. I could not believe it was happening to me - all my dreams comes true. And believe me - I know how to dream.
Wild Romance (9 1/2 Weeks - remain far behind). Emotions. Feeling. WILD ENERGY. It was like a fairy tale. As in a dream .. From which I could not wake up to long..
And I was on vacation (I'm a PhD in engineering and all summer in my disposal) - and I could enjoy this "tornado" in full colours.

I am 31. She's 10 years older. And still pretty awesome and great looks (she have great genetics, past athlete). She is addictive interesting woman. It she is full of energy. And she knows what buttons to press to the man flew into the stratosphere. And yet - she prepared and carried out "sexual courses" for women "How to satisfy a man" (I think that says it all at the expense of physical pleasures). And she loves sex VERY MUCH.

As for me - it was the first time in my life when sex was not for me in the first place. I wanted another things .. this SUBSTANCE that surrounds us, when we should only think about each other. This MAGIC .. This GIFT of the UNIVERSE ..
I'm sure you know what I mean, guys.
Yes - I fell in love. Finally and irrevocably.

She told me at the outset: "Only here and now." "Here and now". She gave me to understand that this is not forever. That all may end at any moment. (Although at times it seemed to me that this is all part of the game - but I did not care). Although I knew it .. understood that we have no future (she was 8 years divorced and has a 16-year-old daughter - I will say about this later). But one thing is to understand, and the other - to realize in the present.


(And, guys, I know - my English is terrible. I try my best to comply with the grammar).

Over time, many began to change - she did not say those words about "here and now". I'm sure that she too appeared to me deeper - the same feelings.
And I knew her from the other side, which few people know her. I learned what hiding behind the facade of "Successful Woman Who is Always Full of Energy, Whose face is always Smiling." I knew how much hard it to her - how much she need to be strong. And she wants "lean on the a strong man's shoulder". And she's having a problem with her finance (she works on her-self) and I actually helped her I could. Plus gave quite expensive gifts, spending all my money last.. and I received no less joy than she from that.

And I learned that people - selfish nature. I'm talking about myself now .. I have to admit that sometimes I stopped seeing her as the Woman Who gave me so much .. But it was a big mistake - faded sexual desires, my humor became more cynical and I forgot about those grateful for joyful moments .. And she saw the Real Man in me and helped me to reveal its full potential ..

And I have to admit that made "mistakes" that Real Man is unlikely to do - I react to certain things like a fck little boy, how elderly boy. I see clearly now, how could treat her well .. And I understand that she has always given me a "second chance"..
I just did not have the necessary experience ..

... You hear the sound of a drill? This again drill my brain.

Now to business.
One of my hobbies - playing in the independent theater studio (where there's a lot of my friends). This is a small studio and we have a wonderful close-knit and friendly staff.
And her 16-old year’s daughter goes there too. Accordingly, the woman of my dreams - "My Unrequited love", is in contact with my friends from this group. That is - we have a common circle.
Her daughter .. Actually .. Before our summer romance - I experienced a feeling of love for her daughter. I knew that it was all some kind of crazy - she is still very young (but very clever and well developed for his age - all in her mother). So for me, any manifestation of feelings was "unequivocal taboo".
And then there was the affair with her mother .. I forgot about everything.
I did not even imagine that this is possible - to dream become a reality.

.... "We had everything," the song of the Rolling Stones .. And this song like a dagger cuts me up inside.
What the fck I'm listening to it!

Generally. "Facts".
1) I've been giving her a loan of money for her daughter's phone. This is a small amount of money ($ 300). She was supposed to give me back the money in the last month, but she is now in financial difficulties. And I told her that she could return them to me in October (this month) - of course, I have not even thought about it.

2) Plus, she once called me and "made an offer": "Give me the money as you comfortly can, and ask in return that you want - and I will do it."
(The same evening I took the money and gave her 400 bucks. Instead, she should give me the DANCE to the music of Joe Cocker's "You can live you’re hat on" and a jar of jam from feijoa (she does it herself - and it is absolutely wonderfully fine) - I wanted to lick this jam with her breasts at the end of the dance. And she agreed. This was a DEAL.

3) Now I'm on financial aground - in my account zero point horseradish tenths. It is also a fact. And I admit that this is also an indirect cause was the fact that things are going to break up .. Maybe she is a "dirty dynamite, and I'm crazy fool"..
I do not want to think about it.

4) We have the same social circle.

5) A new theater season is start and I'll communicating with her daughter.

THE THING IS GOING TO BREAK:
6) Recently, she went for training course to another city. Before that, we had a half day together - I photographed her (photo needed for its training course). In the evening we had sex in the car .. and here .. .. And here I made a jamb.. After the "1st time" she wanted more sex. But not me.
I admit that it was a serious blow to her self-esteem.
And I was a complete idiot.

7) After that, she went to the training course.
Even then. A day later, she is not the first time picked up the phone (and I mentioned to her about it like a fucking idiot with a stupid snotty cynical humor.).
On her arrival .. Communication declined sharply. She "turned off" our "rituals". She do not pick up the phone and do not calling me back after. For the 1st time.
She called only once a day in the morning for two days..
In general – she beginning of "playing women games". I was in prostration - was not prepared for such an eventuality (.. yes, I am writing this and I understand that .. I did everything possible to lead to this)... I felt a feelings. Vector thoughts just went for her.
I started to turn sour.
Two days ago she called me in the morning, I picked up the phone and told her that "I can not to talk right now - call back later." She said "The same can not speak." "Then why are you calling?" - I said. "Wish you good morning. Okay, all the best". - and hung up.

I feel cold. And for me it was clear that things is going to break-up.
(What she wanted to convey to me? Give me realize that I lose? ...)

And - thank you for what you are, guys! I went to the forum, read the advice that you give to others in similar situations. I make a lot of conclusions.
And I decided to "make move of the knight" - go to the "No Contact". (And it's helped me mentally at that time - I began to sleep, in at least).
I did not answer it the same day, when she called me in the evening. And she did not answer the next morning.

Today it is no longer called.

VERDICT:
8) We have not seen 8 days.
9) We do not call each other, although the "breakup" as such was not. - Not too early I went to NC?

10) I do not know what to do the next move .. I am afraid that the delay - could have a "negative impact" at this time.
I want to send her a message, say: "I will not play these games, darling. If you want to meet and talk - let me know»…

11) I'm not prepared to have to leave her now. I see no reason not to go on our lives and feed off each other that energy ..
Although I doubt it. It may be worth to overcome yourself and move on. Each own way.

12) I am grateful to her and wish her well. But I do not know how to act so as not to drop the manhood. How do I deal with her debt? With THE DANCE?
Find a compromise solution? I would like some sort of "emotional meltdown" for myself and for her ..

..Guys .. I do not know what to do next.