PDA

View Full Version : Did I mess up? If so, where?



Tomynho
09-17-2015, 03:34 PM
Hey guys,
A friend of mine had a party and invited me and this girl that I'd met once before; I was reponsible for picking her up (no pun intended ;) ) and driving her to the party - along with 2 other girls. The two girls were late, so we ended up waiting for them.

She had given me her number a few days before that, because "my friend's (the one I was with) phone wasn't charged at the time and she wanted to be sure we could contact each other" (they were messaging each other on facebook, though).

We ended up talking while waiting for the two girls, so I started with 3 DHV stories, to which she responded really well - she giggled or complimented me every time. Then I also teased her about how we'd never get along, how I'd be a bad influence, etc. I basically kept disqualifying myself, but she just kept saying how she wouldn't mind, etc.

I also told her I'm not currently interested in relationships, but that I'd never sleep with anyone just because of their looks - she responded very positively and complimented me.

Then we talked about what she's good at - basically stuff that I could qualify her for.
At one point, she went for a high five, so I did this little test and put my fingers between hers and squeezed - she did the same (compliance).

Also, at one point, she'd make me smell her (I'd told her she smells good, she'd told me the same).

Normally, I would've gone for the kiss-close (in an outside environment), but we were sitting in my car and it was pretty dark, so I wasn't sure what IOIs she was giving me (or if there were any, at all), plus, her body was still slightly turned to the side because of the front seat.

After that, my friend started calling me and getting nervous (because we were taking too long), so I was making fun of him about how we're having sex with the girl - she was playing along (also, she admitted she'd never had sex; she's 18, I'm 19).

I had to call the girls we were waiting for, so I was interrupted and shortly after that, they arrived and we went to the party. At one point, I teased her about how she shouldn't know what I think about her and she said that she'd "tell me later (at night) what she thinks about me".

However, the party ended early and I had to drive her and the two other girls home - they invited us both to another party, because they were home alone. :cool: Before we left, she pulled me to the side and started whispering about how my friend was getting all jealous because I'd been with her, etc. At that point, I thought she was going to kiss me, because she pulled me really close, her face was about 5 inches away from mine.


Now, I'm worried that a) I didn't build enough attraction b) I built enough attraction, but I was too passive and should've kiss-closed her.

Also, what do you think I should do next? She's part of my social circle (although, the outer one), but I'm willing to lose her if necessary. - I'm willing to go all in.

I texted her later that night, her responses were almost instant. At one point, she had her messages open and responded within a few seconds. Then I told her I had to go (to which she responded "aww, this early? :/") and she hasn't replied to my response since.


P.S.: I keep teasing her about how she's "Michelle #2", because "Michelle #1 is great at making out" (which is actually true) :cool:

Victory
09-17-2015, 07:54 PM
At this point, you should not be thinking too much about her and just send her a text in couple of days and based on her response make plans to hangout with her.

Tomynho
09-17-2015, 11:30 PM
At this point, you should not be thinking too much about her and just send her a text and based on her response make plans to hangout with her.

So she surely was attracted, otherwise, she wouldn't have done that, right? And, how much will I have to work on the attraction stage? I mean, the only attraction material I used were the good ol' DHV stories, which - I believe - create longer-lasting attraction, as they project who you are.

However, I haven't contacted her for a few days.

Victory
09-18-2015, 05:51 AM
I don’t think you need more attraction material or another 3 DHV stories. You already know enough about her. When you see her let her be aware that you like her and enjoy spending time with her.

Tomynho
09-18-2015, 07:21 AM
I don’t think you need more attraction material or another 3 DHV stories. You already know enough about her. When you see her let her be aware that you like her and enjoy spending time with her.

So in "game terms", it's "comfort time". Is it okay to be more direct now, as well? She knows I don't care too much (I'm non-needy), I made it clear I'm seeing others.

Victory
09-18-2015, 07:38 AM
Yes, its comfort time and you can be more direct now.

Two things 1) even though its comfort time, there should still be fun and some sparks of attraction and teasing. Even when you'll have a girl friend and are going to be in a relationship with her for couple of years, you should not just stay in comfort, there should always be fun and some teasing and attraction 2) it’s good that she knows you don’t care and are non-needy.

Scumbadger
09-18-2015, 07:51 AM
First of all, forget compliance, IOI's, DHV's and kiss closes. You're spending so much time thinking about what to do next and what indications she's giving you that you're missing out on the obvious. If you are flirting with a girl, make eye contact with the girl, touch the girl. If she is sitting in your front seat, you can still hold eye contact, stroke her hair, pull her closer to tell her something in her ear and then lightly bite it, hold her hand, etc.

The nonverbal part of communications is more important than the verbal part and a completely separate conversation you're having with the girl. It should be constantly happening, not intermittent touch with excuses like a high five. If you like a girl, you are a man, feel free to touch her. This is incredibly uncomfortable at first, but you have to push through it and learn that touch, proximity and eye contact are all completely natural to use if you're attracted to the girl.

So as VictoryLS said, you definitely should have kissed her, but much earlier in the car. It was guaranteed when she had to pull you close to her and you still didn't do it, but you had opportunities to kiss her and more before.

In terms of going forward, its not comfort time or qualification time or attraction time. You have to take the girl through a range of emotions with your flirting, sexual conversation, warmth/comfort and normal conversation as well as your nonverbals. You don't want to stick yourself in one mode. You can be direct whenever you want. You are a man and you can express your attraction to a woman. Meet up with her again. Start treating her like your girlfriend from the start - hold her hand, kiss her on the forehead, the cheek, etc., have your arm around her - lead, lead, lead and naturally things will go much more smoothly.

Tomynho
09-19-2015, 04:54 AM
Yes, its comfort time and you can be more direct now.

Two things 1) even though its comfort time, there should still be fun and some sparks of attraction and teasing. Even when you'll have a girl friend and are going to be in a relationship with her for couple of years, you should not just stay in comfort, there should always be fun and some teasing and attraction 2) it’s good that she knows you don’t care and are non-needy.

Thanks for your advice. I always amuse myself and others usually catch up with it, I just give out a positive vibe (I've been told so by many people), I always tease girls, that's just who I am. ;) Also, thanks for your advice regarding relationships, I'll keep it noted for the future.


First of all, forget compliance, IOI's, DHV's and kiss closes. You're spending so much time thinking about what to do next and what indications she's giving you that you're missing out on the obvious. If you are flirting with a girl, make eye contact with the girl, touch the girl. If she is sitting in your front seat, you can still hold eye contact, stroke her hair, pull her closer to tell her something in her ear and then lightly bite it, hold her hand, etc.

The nonverbal part of communications is more important than the verbal part and a completely separate conversation you're having with the girl. It should be constantly happening, not intermittent touch with excuses like a high five. If you like a girl, you are a man, feel free to touch her. This is incredibly uncomfortable at first, but you have to push through it and learn that touch, proximity and eye contact are all completely natural to use if you're attracted to the girl.

So as VictoryLS said, you definitely should have kissed her, but much earlier in the car. It was guaranteed when she had to pull you close to her and you still didn't do it, but you had opportunities to kiss her and more before.


I regret being too passive, I definitely need to be even more active. When it comes to kino escalation, I touch people with ease, it doesn't feel awkward or anything; I was also kino escalating her, as I said, we held hands for a while (I was the one to stop it).

I'm just afraid that the attraction window has closed, that's it.