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View Full Version : Came on too strong seeing ex again



Fernando2826
09-12-2015, 07:41 AM
I saw my ex the other day after she randomly invited me out for a drive at about 10pm, saying "I need to apologise for everything" and that she was in a "mega weird headspace".

I agreed reluctantly and we went, only for her to proceed in apologising for ending our relationship poorly - possibly cheating and being cold as hell in the end. Admittedly, I may have come across as weak here, as having already accepted her invitation out, I then told her that I understood what she had done, that it was just university - I didn't want to seem hung up on it, but realise that I should have questioned how she could do it.

Anyway, we spent a few hours together and it was peculiar. She clearly didn't want to go home to her parents and kept coming up with excuses to compliment me, touch me and not to head home. In the end, we had sex.

Over the course of the evening, however, I feel I had again revealed that I still cared for her deeply, whilst she was at most very nostalgic and nothing more. I said things along the lines of "I stopped seeing a girl because I realised it would never be the same as it was with us", "I'm not seeing anyone at the moment", "What we had changed my life" and "you're great, you should believe it".

Admittedly, she did say that it felt like old times, we did have sex, she called me a "stone cold charmer" and then stated that she was terribly confused about it all for a few days afterwards. She also, however, said "I don't want to get back into a relationship, in the least harsh way" - as if she felt she had to deter me from sugegsting it or something? Of course, then she did say "not that I'm assuming you would want to". I try to follow the advice of Corey Wayne - treat it like a first date - but this girl is like heroine and being around her again, the advice just left me.

I should add that when we were together, she was hyper intense. She's an actress and would come out with dramatic statements i.e. I want your children. So maybe she will have enjoyed the drama. A few days later, she had the new guy down to see her at her home though. Also, she ocassionally contacts me with random messages, why?

ChocolatePUA
09-12-2015, 09:29 AM
She misses you, still likes you and has feelings for you, BUT you're not her idea of good relationship material and probably never will be.

When she says she "doesn't want to get back into a relationship" she means she doesn't want to get back in a relationship with YOU.

She likes the sex, the emotions you give her, and the validation, but you're never going to her the #1 guy in her life, as evidenced by the fact that she "possibly" cheated (hint: she did) with someone else and was a general cunt towards you.

If you're up for the emotional roller coaster, by all means jump on, just know that sooner or later SHE will end the ride when she finds a better one.

Fernando2826
09-12-2015, 09:45 AM
She misses you, still likes you and has feelings for you, BUT you're not her idea of good relationship material and probably never will be.

When she says she "doesn't want to get back into a relationship" she means she doesn't want to get back in a relationship with YOU.

She likes the sex, the emotions you give her, and the validation, but you're never going to her the #1 guy in her life, as evidenced by the fact that she "possibly" cheated (hint: she did) with someone else and was a general cunt towards you.

If you're up for the emotional roller coaster, by all means jump on, just know that sooner or later SHE will end the ride when she finds a better one.

Confusing thing is, when we were together she came out with ludicrously intense expressions of emotion i.e. "I feel like i've met my soulmate; I want to spend the rest of my life with you" and wrote things on her blog (which she didn't know I was aware of) 'I can see our lives together' - at the time she believed it all, so must have seen me as her #1, and maintains that she felt a greater intensity in our relaitonship than ever before. But perhaps that's because we were quite codependent.

Problem is, we didn't have all that much in common - she's hipster and bohemian, I'm pretty much the opposite - the guy she "cheated" with was the same as her, as is her new guy. Perhaps this is partly why she doesn't see me as long term anymore (out of the infatuation of it all?). I can't help but take this as a reflection upon me, perhaps because of self-esteem issues? I.e. not interesting enough, not fun enough, not good enough socially.

When we were together, I tried to follow Corey Wayne's advice to the letter - never texting too much, never showing neediness etc. But do you think my actions above have shown weakness? Too quick to forgive and forget? To believe her story? Too much praise?

Finally, she seems incredibly confused in terms of her new guy - said that she wasn't sure she wanted a relationship with anyone, so perhaps it's not just me? Or perhaps she needed closure from our relaitonship, or because he diesn't provide her the same level of validation?

ChocolatePUA
09-13-2015, 09:41 AM
Confusing thing is, when we were together she came out with ludicrously intense expressions of emotion i.e. "I feel like i've met my soulmate; I want to spend the rest of my life with you" and wrote things on her blog (which she didn't know I was aware of) 'I can see our lives together' - at the time she believed it all, so must have seen me as her #1, and maintains that she felt a greater intensity in our relaitonship than ever before. But perhaps that's because we were quite codependent.

Problem is, we didn't have all that much in common - she's hipster and bohemian, I'm pretty much the opposite - the guy she "cheated" with was the same as her, as is her new guy. Perhaps this is partly why she doesn't see me as long term anymore (out of the infatuation of it all?). I can't help but take this as a reflection upon me, perhaps because of self-esteem issues? I.e. not interesting enough, not fun enough, not good enough socially.

When we were together, I tried to follow Corey Wayne's advice to the letter - never texting too much, never showing neediness etc. But do you think my actions above have shown weakness? Too quick to forgive and forget? To believe her story? Too much praise?

Finally, she seems incredibly confused in terms of her new guy - said that she wasn't sure she wanted a relationship with anyone, so perhaps it's not just me? Or perhaps she needed closure from our relaitonship, or because he diesn't provide her the same level of validation?


Confusing thing is, when we were together she came out with ludicrously intense expressions of emotion i.e. "I feel like i've met my soulmate; I want to spend the rest of my life with you"

That's probably how she was feeling at the time. For this type of person, intense feelings come quickly, but they also leave just as quickly. You're prbably right - to some extent she NEEDS the drama and intense emotions.


But do you think my actions above have shown weakness? Too quick to forgive and forget? To believe her story? Too much praise?

Your question here is moot. You guys are no longer together. Whether you were too "quick" to forgive and forget means nothing in your situation. In the back of your mind you're probably thinking about the possibility of her changing her mind and getting back together. You should jettison this idea as quickly and completely as possible. Start meeting and dating other women. IF you have self esteem issues, begin working on that by participating in public activities you're good at to help boost your self esteem. In short, the quicker you move on, the better for you.