PDA

View Full Version : 1 Week No Contact. Emotions flooding when I saw pics of her today.



CardRunner
03-20-2015, 11:07 AM
I've ignored all her messages and phone calls. (She had lied to me again about finances and our value systems are different, we both couldn't come up with a solution to meet both our needs) She may very well be a narcissist.

I saw pictures of her today and I felt stress/shivers. I miss the deeper intimacy, how we kissed and fucked it was like being high. I don't think I felt such strong feelings with any other woman in my life and I'm almost 30. It almost feels like im going through withdrawal except what does that feel like (i dont drink or smoke). Can anyone relate?

I'm meeting other woman but they seem bland in comparison. I feel fake speaking to them when i'm longing to be back with my ex. i think they sense it too sometimes and I haven't been closing or the attraction hasn't been there. either Im too desperate or not really into it. However, the times I have relaxed, and taken my time, slowed down my speech, i've seen much better responses. Its almost as if woman can sense when a guy is weak and hurting.

I went broke trying to support my ex through law school for 3 years and paid for all expenses. I battled to support both of us, while building my career and dealing with the energy draining drama and 'financial mistakes' she made when not considering our future. i want to attend a bootcamp but must sign up now before its too late. However, i don't even have the cash for that either. BUT I wont make excuses and will find a way - I am selling some of my things, I just hope I can raise enough money in time to sign up. i think that will be a great step forward, being around other men with strong mindsets. Ive been told I am confident and independent, unfortunately my relationship and career which was the biggest part of my life has crumbled. I am very healthy and exercise often which is likely the only thing keeping me going at this point.

Its friday night. I'm working to make money so that i can pay for month end expenses - I may still try go out but being 'confident' is fake when hardly have any cash on me.

I just want to know that things will be okay.

Im watching and reading as much material as possible to jolt my mind out of this funk. Im re-reading all the material I purchased over the years (magic bullets, routines manuals, text and phone game... etc) and reading classic writing. I will try my best to raise enough capital for the bootcamp, its just that month end expenses are looming.

I go through phases where i feel good, then at a time like now... When its friday night and I am working?! This isn't the experience Im wanting. When i should be out having fun and meeting new people. I might still do that, I just must make some money first.

Sorry for the rant guys, I just need to vent / reach out.

Do I fuck girls that don't meet my standards, just to get my mind off things? That feels weak and its not aligned with my values. I want the next woman I meet to be better than my ex, not to be a downgrade. the club environment isn't likely the place for me to meet the woman that have similar values as me. At the same time, I feel as if I wont be able to get the woman of my dreams.

this entry will likely serve as a reminder to myself to see how far Ive come, because i wont stop until i get things back on track and get my life onto where i want it to be

CardRunner
03-20-2015, 12:59 PM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YNovswAlmio - 17:00

What he said in the latter part of this video is EXACTLY what is happening to me

i have to go back into champion mode

raiyans
03-21-2015, 01:10 AM
I feel your pain man! life's just a long lesson..keep learning and keep going. After all, experiences are what make you a better man.

CardRunner
03-22-2015, 12:21 PM
Had an incredible friday night! I decided to go 'old-school' and use the peacocking technique to stand-out.. well it worked like a charm, and i made a rule every time the girl touches the charm they have to give me a kiss on the cheek. Well! Every.. single girl.. 15+ gave me a kiss in front of everyone. Entire groups of friends "omg, you kissed him too haha"

Then my weekend just sky-rocketed, many new friends, many logistical issues too. I did make plenty of mistakes, some sexual escalation issues but overall very happy indeed. I must learn to isolate better, some friend's blocking before I won them over, her mother was behind us, and some had boyfriends but were flirting.

I likely could of closed / escalated much more, but was really just enjoying the moment and not [over]thinking.

RuckerofFud
03-24-2015, 04:42 PM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YNovswAlmio - 17:00

What he said in the latter part of this video is EXACTLY what is happening to me

i have to go back into champion mode

This video is actually helping me out a lot too. Thanks for posting it. I rarely watch the full video of these long ones... but this was just really good to hear when you're in the state he's talking about.

lassebauer
03-30-2015, 05:03 AM
Hey Cardrunner,
sorry to hear about your predicament.
Overall I can say, it can and often will happen to even the "best" of us. And the things you have described and what you are going thru are perfectly normal - albeit very unpleasant.
I know this may come across as blatant plugging - however, it also happens to be the best piece of advice I can give you:
Nick and I wrote a book on this very topic, and in it we have tons of tips, insights and practical guides that cover ALL the things you are talking about.
Including answers to the classic question "can I fuck/date my way out of this?", and very specific tips on how to move on from this situation the fastest possible way.

I suggest you check out the promo spot and read more about the book here: The Breakup Survival Guide for Men | Lovesystems.com (http://www.lovesystems.com/breakup-guide)

I hope this helps :)

CardRunner
04-01-2015, 10:12 PM
Thanks Im reading it now.

I haven't turned to drugs, alcohol, medication or meaningless sex. I don't watch porn or masturbate and instead practising tantra / non ejaculation energy control.

I do have quite a few questions, after reading the material.

One critical aspect is being in control of my sexual desire, so that I don't become needy and over-pursue but at the same time remain true to my masculine core.

What I am unable to do at this point is intuitively feel when I am building attraction with a woman, it seems once i am talking to anyone the other phases in the progression mode I do easily, and can steer things where I want it to be. However, building attraction in the beginning well, ... I will bring this up in another thread,

hanexs
04-02-2015, 04:50 PM
Hi I can honestly say that I have been through what you're going through, twice. And the last time, I am just recently getting over.

I prolonged my pain staying in contact over 2 years, by staying in touch and playing games. Now, after months of no contact, I can genuinely say I am at peace 23.6 hours a day (almost there).

I will also add that be careful with the game. PUA is great, and its a great way to pick up women, and it will help you move on. But new women alone will not cure your pain. You need to work on forgetting her, building a great life, being happy with where you are. You also need to decide on where you want your life to go, and get there. Sure, picking up a girl this Friday night is a part of that, but it is easy to hinge everything on it, to put all these hopes into a woman all over again. If your getting over a serious relationship, you can bang Katie Parry tomorrow, and it still wont fix the pain, once Katie is gone you may actually feel worse. I have repeated that lesson enough times to figure it out.

I would Pursue:
physical health (sports, activities, working out)
mental health (meditation, peace, mental discipline, not obsessing about her, doing things by yourself that you genuinely enjoy)
and authentic good times with friends (friends, women, etc). --but don't make this about getting back at her. If your thinking yeah I'll show her, I'll bang someone hotter then her, then your still thinking about her and your ruining your mental health.

CardRunner
04-04-2015, 12:02 PM
How a Borderline Relationship Evolves | BPDFamily (http://bpdfamily.com/content/how-borderline-relationship-evolves)

This EXACTLY models my past relationship with my ex. dammit.. sigh

WillisWillis
04-04-2015, 08:43 PM
How a Borderline Relationship Evolves | BPDFamily (http://bpdfamily.com/content/how-borderline-relationship-evolves)

This EXACTLY models my past relationship with my ex. dammit.. sigh
I laughed as I read that. How textbook my experience was. I'm so glad I jumped into this discussion.

CardRunner
04-04-2015, 11:52 PM
What I find interesting is that when I search my body / mind / spirit for lingering emotions, and when I meditate about what feelings / emotions that naturally surface, in the end:

1. My anger, hate or resentful emotions are minimal or non-existent. There were times when I was angry but it was more of a reactive emotion to her bad behaviour when she would blame me and make things worse, and i would not tolerate it any more.

2. I still have feelings of attachment. The knowledge and logic, and understanding doesn't immediately remove the 'hooks'. It hurts thinking of her with someone else, even with all the problems.

3. I generally want things to be better for her and want her to reach her dreams and be happy. Im sad that I couldn't make that happen with her

4. Regardless of what I do, all the compassion and love, only modifies the behaviour, it doesn't change her to become the partner I am wanting for myself.

WillisWillis
04-05-2015, 09:37 AM
What I find interesting is that when I search my body / mind / spirit for lingering emotions, and when I meditate about what feelings / emotions that naturally surface, in the end:

1. My anger, hate or resentful emotions are minimal or non-existent. There were times when I was angry but it was more of a reactive emotion to her bad behaviour when she would blame me and make things worse, and i would not tolerate it any more.

2. I still have feelings of attachment. The knowledge and logic, and understanding doesn't immediately remove the 'hooks'. It hurts thinking of her with someone else, even with all the problems.

3. I generally want things to be better for her and want her to reach her dreams and be happy. Im sad that I couldn't make that happen with her

4. Regardless of what I do, all the compassion and love, only modifies the behaviour, it doesn't change her to become the partner I am wanting for myself.
I was there, too. Your last point is especially insightful. I said that my ex flipped out after our first date because I wasn't texting her enough. Not knowing what I was dealing with, I began reaching out a little more, without apologizing or even acknowledging what I was doing. That softened her up a little bit, but ultimately it wasn't enough, and nothing I did was. Now I know why.

rockycruz
04-05-2015, 10:52 AM
It's going to take time. I know it took time for me, even when I dating other women. Even when I was doing three ways with two girls and me. Even then, the story replayed in my mind.

But looking at it now, I became stronger because I decided for the experiences to make me stronger than feeling like a victim. It's a bitch when it happens to you and no doubt, it hurts.

But like Tank mentioned, you learn and move on.

The more a guy dwells on it, the more one writes about it, on and on, and on....the more a guy will try to keep swimming in that part of the tidal wave, the more...he doesn't see the many other Islands, the wonders that await.

The more self talk on how she was the one, how others don't make one feels this or that way BECOMES the reality one creates. Because words are not just words but become programs in the mind which work with emotions, feelings etc.

Me, I look back and I'm like, "Hahaha. I have it DAMN GOOD! HOLY SHIT man, I got it so damn good."

If it didn't happen mate, the many journeys, many steps, would not have lead me to magic bullet, many other books, many dvds, many conferences, many training, and many people, and...this forum.

But you got to learn and leg go. I died that by living a big life and became a guy who, well, the opposite that I was years ago. Fearless in approaching many things in life, including women, and now jobs, opportunities and business.

You just gotta learn, and let go, and create a new story man or you will be replaying this story on and on, and on and torturing yourself.