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CardRunner
03-08-2015, 02:00 AM
How to you resolve conflict when your gf / ex threatens to hurt herself when you make the decision to leave her as you things are no longer working out. You may have tried to tlk with her / re-negotiate the relationship / make clear your needs and wants but nothing has been resolved. Now she is wrapped up in fear and pain and is trying desperately to hang onto you.

She may either threaten to stab herself or to jump out the window.

What do you say to her?

CowboyCasanova
03-08-2015, 06:41 AM
Ignore it, it is a ploy to pull at your emotions.

CardRunner
03-08-2015, 08:02 AM
Alright, thank you.

I've been very accepting, naive and too giving and attracting some very needy, jealous woman. I know I must set proper boundaries and be vigilant of the red flags associated with these toxic woman. It hasn't been easy and the more beautiful woman I've met the more they have been able to hide things and be more cunning.

Where am I going wrong and what haven't I thought of?

CowboyCasanova
03-09-2015, 04:59 AM
Dont be so gullible or easily manipulated. Try being a little more non-reactive.

rockycruz
03-09-2015, 10:43 AM
How to you resolve conflict when your gf / ex threatens to hurt herself when you make the decision to leave her as you things are no longer working out. You may have tried to tlk with her / re-negotiate the relationship / make clear your needs and wants but nothing has been resolved. Now she is wrapped up in fear and pain and is trying desperately to hang onto you.

She may either threaten to stab herself or to jump out the window.

What do you say to her?

You know what to do. She's blackmailing you and that my friend is manipulation, due to her own fears and low self worth. When you break up, you need to follow a process; and be STRONG emotionally, so the person has space and you don't give them hope. That means, you must start to grow some balls AND..

Say NOTHING to her. Follow the steps...

1. NO CONTACT. That means, not answering her text messages, phone calls, emails no matter what. No excuse to contact her back, even if she says she's going to throw herself under a damn bus. Stop being a white knight and fall for this guilt trip, black mailing and manipulation.

No conversation. No talking to her. Break the vicious cycle. No more talking to her by any means i mentioned above.

2. Change your number or block her number. Including facebook and anything else,. Give ZERO hope so she can never intrepret whatever you say, the contact of any kind with ANY HOPE. It prevents mixed signals.

3. In her case, ZERO tolerance. Do not contact her because she is not emotionally stable and she needs space to wake up. If you talk to her, contact her back, by ANY MEANS then she will think that there is hope. Zero tolerance.

4. Now stick with the plan. Where you is going wrong is keeping the contact open. Close that pathway of communication. And if you think she's serious, don't call her, call the cops etc and then she will have to deal with the fking embarrassment of your her own actions.

Whatever case maybe, do not engage, ever. Move on.

Second reason; is you might see a girl and think LTR too soon; and get too close. With girls, try to not get too close by limitating days with them. Twice a week is enough and promise nothing. Keep your emotions in check and observe the girl's values. Most guys dive in too soon.

CardRunner
03-11-2015, 03:51 AM
rockycruz, I made the mistake of getting too involved too soon and letting my emotions cloud my judgement when in hindsight there were a number of red flags that would have predicted this behaviour.

I am following your rule of NO CONTACT and I have suicide hot-line numbers ready

rockycruz
03-11-2015, 05:02 AM
rockycruz, I made the mistake of getting too involved too soon and letting my emotions cloud my judgement when in hindsight there were a number of red flags that would have predicted this behaviour.

It's all good mate. Sometimes things happen so we can learn for future. It's good you acknowledge what might have gone wrong in beginning. That's the key right there. That's the biggie.

Sometimes it has to hit us but at least, with you, you know the pattern now. You know what went wrong and what to change.That's gold mate.

I'm sure many guys can relate to this too.

CardRunner
03-12-2015, 05:15 AM
3 missed calls + 7 missed calls + .. + 18 missed calls + 37 missed calls and then a ton of messages. I'm ignoring the same girl that was 'my baby' and i could watch her sleep, thinking to myself 'she is such an angel'. Her messages are filled with the same lies and bullshit though, blaming me for things, saying she is gonna work it out with me. Ive NOT replied so far.

CowboyCasanova
03-12-2015, 08:43 AM
One ex called me for a year. 12 months!
I never answered. She finally gave up.
When she left a message they were never nice, she was pissed I ignored her so successfully.

rockycruz
03-14-2015, 07:28 AM
3 missed calls + 7 missed calls + .. + 18 missed calls + 37 missed calls and then a ton of messages. I'm ignoring the same girl that was 'my baby' and i could watch her sleep, thinking to myself 'she is such an angel'. Her messages are filled with the same lies and bullshit though, blaming me for things, saying she is gonna work it out with me. Ive NOT replied so far.

Yes. Keep going. No contact 100%. It's natural for most women to start acting like a victim, and most guys will fall for it. In doing so, they are educating and framing the girls mind that it is ok to act this way to the guy. That a guy is a push over and there will always be hope to get back even if she keeps messing up

You did good to ignore. Don't fall for any of the bs, mind games, victim crap, blame, tears and nice...nice. Much of it won't be great messages.

Let it rip on machine. You did good not responding. It would have screwed up all the hard work and it goes back to zero. Stay strong. This is natural when women do this. All is well. Go out, have fun, meet new girls, take your mind off things. Hell, go on a holiday haha. Let the machine go round and rouned as you just live your life.

CardRunner
03-15-2015, 02:44 AM
I've been spending time with friends and meeting woman although Im not enjoying the club scene (drinking impacts my productivity negatively) and will likely focus on day game and meeting woman whose interests are aligned with mine.

Her last message let me know she slept with someone else, that we can 'never go back' and 'I won't forgive her' and that I must never contact her again. I haven't responded to any of this. I'm trying not to think about it and focus on self-development instead, I just hope im not suppressing things without knowing it. I'm trying my best to be accepting and forgiving to her and myself.

I do really miss the intimacy though. Sex really is enhanced when you have a deeper connection with someone and learn about what they like and turns them on. I'm re-reading all the material I have and meditating.

I have to get to the best version of myself so that I can attract high-value woman with shared values and interests. Gonna just take it one day at a time though.

rockycruz
03-15-2015, 04:26 AM
I've been spending time with friends and meeting woman although Im not enjoying the club scene (drinking impacts my productivity negatively) and will likely focus on day game and meeting woman whose interests are aligned with mine.

Great thought process. Day game is awesome mate. Women will love a confident guy because most don't approach women in day. You'll meet more serious type who can hold a conversation later on.


Her last message let me know she slept with someone else, that we can 'never go back' and 'I won't forgive her' and that I must never contact her again. I haven't responded to any of this.

Meh. It's natural for a girl who knows she's lost all attraction to say such crap. Just ignore. It's like a kid who knows they lost a battle and then trying to save face, but end of day....she ain't in control. You are. Ignore.


I'm trying not to think about it and focus on self-development instead, I just hope im not suppressing things without knowing it. I'm trying my best to be accepting and forgiving to her and myself.

It will take time. Don't over think this. Just go out often as you can and approach women. Get laid often without looking for any LTR. It's time to live, grow and do things for yourself, without putting any woman on a pedestal.


I do really miss the intimacy though. Sex really is enhanced when you have a deeper connection with someone and learn about what they like and turns them on.

This is natural but the reality is different at a deep psychological level. The withdrawal, this feeling you're getting is due to the emotional investment you put in with the girl. The more emotional investment a guy puts into a girl, the more he will struggle to let go. The less emotional investment, the easier.

As an example in business - which I teach every entrepreneur I work with is this - even if you have invested in an idea and been at it with investing time, money and it is not working, it is not generating sales for you....you must detache. Then leave it. Just because one has spent a lot of time, investment in their project idea, their business idea does not validate it as a reason to stick at it.

An entrepreneur must detache, let go and start again.

You see this with many who fail in business and life. In business a guy will invest so much money in an idea without market research. He will even mortgage his house and create a burden on himself and family. Even when supermarket, large company, or customers ARE NOT lining up to buy his prototype - he doesn't let go and invests even more. In the end, he loses everything including his house, car, job, family and maybe even his mind.

Same with dating girls.

It's not intimacy but it is the emotional investment you put in but just because there was time with her, just because sex was good, doesn't mean it was working. The reality is, it was toxic, she is manipulative, she is not stable for you and for future. So one must then see this with rationale and not emotional in that there is no win-win here. There is only lots of pain, disappointments and loss in the future.

So like entrepreneurs, one must suck it up; and move on to new ideas, new horizons and or in your case, day game approaches, meet new woman, grow and expand your social circle and create different social circle groups; and manage your relationship in a strategic wise approach - so if it fks up again....the woman hasn't got access to these social circles to try fk up more for you.

When I am dating girls, I am like a strategic thinker. I am 10 steps ahead of these girls. On my toes. That's how a man got to be.


I have to get to the best version of myself so that I can attract high-value woman with shared values and interests. Gonna just take it one day at a time though.

Then you must increase your belief in you, and believe that any high value attractive woman who has similar values/interest is blessed to be with someone like you. Not in a cocky way but in a way, in a self respecting way. That you deserve the best and to be treated with utmost respect.

But yes, one day at a time. One step at a time.

CardRunner
03-15-2015, 05:00 AM
Thank you so much rocky, what great post!

CardRunner
03-15-2015, 10:27 AM
She sends me this...

"Nothing much happened just yet. But enough for me to realize that I am scared. Are you really letting go of us?
If the days continue like this, the worse things can happen. And it will be too late. I hope you realize that soon enough. We might not be able to go back.
I do love you, very much. I want to be with you. My body is yours. And I am scared that you dont care about all these. Because then, I have to go. For my own sake."

and this...

"I do not understand why you are like this. I am the one you left here alone.
I fixed the problem with the dental clinic. Just don't do thoae kinds of things again. (she had lied about needing money for the dentist, then i called them to check if she made her appointment and they had no record of her going there)
I need you to remember that you love me, Babes. I miss you very much and I love you so so much. Please don't be like this na. I know my mistakes, and you should know you have a lot of too. Acknowledge that and let's make things better. Please."

This really is such bullshit, for two years i was trying to make things work while she remained angry, hating me and jeopardising things financially and emotionally. i would take her back then a few days later she would go back to behaving badly and making very poor life decisions that impacted both our lives VERY negatively. I understand I have not been acting like a man and that causes her bitchy behaviour BUT she is also an adult that must behave appropriately. either I chastise her for bad behaviour, or I withdraw HOWEVER No matter what I say to her, she won't listen to me and then the next week, she fucks up all over again. (Financial issues - she is ruining her career, priorities not in order and compulsive bad habits)

TheRogue
03-15-2015, 11:29 AM
I'm no psychologist, but it sounds like she has borderline personality disorder. If you look it up, those women tend to be highly emotional, impulsive, and manipulative beyond words. Whatever you do, don't fall back in the trap. She will not change, and you will keep getting used and abused by her. Going back to her is NOT an option, and you need to put as much distance between the two of you as you can. A friend of mine had a gf like this, and after the threats of suicide subsided, she went into full revenge mode on him. Change you number now and make sure she can't find you later. Prepare to get a restraining order against her if it becomes necessary.

In the meanwhile, consider talking to a professional about how to handle her suicide threats. Realize that whatever she does, it is NOT your fault. You cannot fix her mental issues, and going back to her won't solve them. If her threats are imminent, call the police to her house to do a wellness check. Otherwise, don't take the bait and don't respond.

Rogue

CardRunner
03-15-2015, 03:50 PM
From the youtube videos / pschology books and articles I've researched her behaviour fits perfectly with NARCISSISM - Sam Vaknin speaks of ambient abuse or 'Gaslighting' - the 8 minute video PERFECTLY describes the relationship and her behaviours I faced on a daily basis: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HQCdUa_3rLo . Also, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qaVn5IPlUvo

I've been in denial for so long and also was trying to 'fix her' and take care of her. My people-pleaser and co-dependency traits were an easy target for her. i can still feel my judgement being impaired by my emotional attachment (from being heavily invested in her as rocky pointed out earlier).

How i ever got to this stage I don't know. She looks like an angel, but everyone says she is bitchy and her mother warned me about her! Of course I take her side and think that she has been misunderstood by everyone around her.


Why i wasn't taught about these types of woman existing at school or from my parents i don't know. Getting involved with the wrong people can be quite devastating.

rockycruz
03-16-2015, 03:23 PM
She sends me this...

"Nothing much happened just yet. But enough for me to realize that I am scared. Are you really letting go of us?
If the days continue like this, the worse things can happen. And it will be too late. I hope you realize that soon enough. We might not be able to go back.
I do love you, very much. I want to be with you. My body is yours. And I am scared that you dont care about all these. Because then, I have to go. For my own sake."

and this...

"I do not understand why you are like this. I am the one you left here alone.
I fixed the problem with the dental clinic. Just don't do thoae kinds of things again. (she had lied about needing money for the dentist, then i called them to check if she made her appointment and they had no record of her going there)
I need you to remember that you love me, Babes. I miss you very much and I love you so so much. Please don't be like this na. I know my mistakes, and you should know you have a lot of too. Acknowledge that and let's make things better. Please."

This really is such bullshit, for two years i was trying to make things work while she remained angry, hating me and jeopardising things financially and emotionally. i would take her back then a few days later she would go back to behaving badly and making very poor life decisions that impacted both our lives VERY negatively. I understand I have not been acting like a man and that causes her bitchy behaviour BUT she is also an adult that must behave appropriately. either I chastise her for bad behaviour, or I withdraw HOWEVER No matter what I say to her, she won't listen to me and then the next week, she fucks up all over again. (Financial issues - she is ruining her career, priorities not in order and compulsive bad habits)

There we go. I did say, when you follow the NO CONTACT to the letter, you're going to hear a lot of BS. It's a trap. The going with someone, this and that is all about getting your attention. To get you to respond.

IGNORE 100%. You're doing fine mate. Your job is not to educate her, put her in the right track or anything. Move on mate. Do not feel guilty or think you're responsible for her behavior and blame anything on yourself what she does later.

Here's what will happen if you contact and go back...

1. She will be sweet for a couple of days.
2. Then she will turn on you 180 degrees.
3. She will blame you for lots of things.
4. And now you're back to square one.

Mate. You cannot change someone. They have to change themselves. You cannot replace a pattern that has been there for so long. It will humilate you, demoralise you and bring you to your knees. You'll be trapped and fall short all time with such a person.

Seriously, stay away from her. Do not respond to her. Do not be a white knight to try and change her, and contact her to help anyway. You will fall for all that sweet innocent, bs talk mate but it will go right back to what it was and even worse. Then you'll be kicking yourself and wish you were strong enough to move on.

Listen to your gut mate. The feedback which was screaming at you to get the fk out of this relationship way back.

This is a new beginning for you....and it is a time of reflection on what you need to change about you. Not to be bitter at women but to be wise, to take your time, to not let emotions get in way and to stop trying to save a woman from herself.

At least now, your eyes are wide open and you're thinking rationally instead of emotionally. It can be difficult to detache because you might have invested emotionally in the girl but you can't save people mate.

It always backfires. Move on. No contact. Ignore and move on. You can do this mate. Strap your balls and be a rock for yourself.

Don't be hard on yourself bruv. We know how you feel mate. We all been there. It's part of life. We don't learn this at school because system isn't designed for us to win in life but ready for us to pay taxes. To be sheep, to OBEY, FOLLOW ORDERS.

Parents, well, it's not their fault mate. They don't know either.

Just see this as a blessing in disguise mate.

hanexs
03-16-2015, 03:30 PM
Why i wasn't taught about these types of woman existing at school or from my parents i don't know. Getting involved with the wrong people can be quite devastating.

I don't have much to reply to this thread, (even though it hits close to home with my past relationships), but this is a pretty good thought I wanted to highlight. There are some classic manipulation traits out there by women AND men, and it is a shame so many of us have to learn about them the hard way.