View Full Version : Breakup point days after sleeping with her first time !

fat tony
02-17-2015, 11:28 AM
Hi !
I have been dating a girl for two months on telephone only. We have had telephone sex and stuff like that but she has been realy difficult to get. Last week I saw her for the first time in real, and it was really hard work to get her wanting to see me at real.
We had a date at a hotel room two days later, and we kissed in the car. When the date for the real thing came I was pretty shore she would be off, and so happend. The end of the story was that we finally met late that night and had great sex friday night.
We texted on telephone after an spoke on telephone. Yesterday i got a message that said she wanted to break up.
She has been extremly difficult to comfort and stay with her disissions. She mekes new desissions all the time. Only ours befor her last message she senyt me a picture, so i know she is confused.

what the hell am iI goting to do ?

fat tony
02-17-2015, 02:04 PM
I will also say we had a phone call after the brake up message, and we desided to talk later that night. Of course se fell asleep with her children and answered me late that nigt that she wantet to pick up the telephone but didnt hear it ( Shure). I anweard that we could take a brake and talk when the vacasion is over ( Winter holiday rest og the week.)
But I put the message in a cryptic way. She answeard that she didnt understood the message but said it was good we both agreed splitting up.That was not what i said . Half an our later she tried to call me. I have not called back the hole day. Just sent her a message right now where I wrote good night;) and that I saw she had called me.
Should I keep quite from now or should I try to built comfort by beeing in friend sone for a while if she responds ?

02-17-2015, 03:52 PM
Sounds like it is time to be a man and move on. Its not giving up. Its recognizing that this chick is a waste of your time.

fat tony
02-18-2015, 07:57 AM
I hav similar thougts myselv, but my feeling for her i strong as hell right now, and I was thinking, what if I told her some good love stuff about that I want to marri her and so on and let thoose words work for iit selves for a while, and see if she responds. I ave a small feeling that she is in panik, and are extremly confused. She has two daughters etc, and I am sure she bagan to imagine a future together, but is afreid and find a lot of trivial stuff who can build up under her last desision. I also think she in a sick way think about how easy it seems for me to split up. She dont know about my feelings right now.

02-18-2015, 09:17 AM
Are you nuts? Marry?
Get real.

02-18-2015, 09:46 AM
Cowboy should get an award for the advice he gives on these forums. Straight and to the point, no BS, awesome.

You make a post and mention that its telephone only, you meet in hotel rooms, and she's obviously erratic. Two possibilities in this scenario:

1 - you are her, or both people, are hiding something. Why is she so difficult to meet up with? Why are you so interested in a relationship like this. These are rhetorical questions, you should work on yourself so you can move on.

2 - She has some emotional baggage and that is why she's so distant and erratic. Either way, same solution, man up and move on. Lots of advice on these forums how to do that, but make no mistake your future is out there waiting for you to get started on it. Drama with this one girl is not your future.

If she begins chasing you, and wants to meet up, and stops being erratic, actually I won't finish that sentence.... move on.

02-18-2015, 10:41 AM
I also think she in a sick way think about how easy it seems for me to split up. She dont know about my feelings right now.

Keep it that way. You need some work with your own lack of self worth inside you. You already talking about marriage and all that. This is how so many guys get fked up in life later on. Putting woman on a pedestal, and talking a lot of shit about comittment, long-term stuff.

Mate, stop that and go and get laid. There are many women out there without children and you're at a place you don't make such decisions by sight. It takes years for someone to make such decision.

I'm with a woman for 15 years, and I haven't married her. 15 years mate, and I'm still dating other women, still sleeping with her and another woman together, and still haven't married her.

Why? Because I don't take marriage likely, especially in a system that fks a man over even if the children are not even tha man's, he'll later pay for them too, and her living and so on. You're not thinking straight and thinking with you're dick.

Wake up man. Shake yourself out of this or you're going to find yourself in deep shit in future. Think ahead on what you're saying.

fat tony
02-18-2015, 11:17 AM
Hi guys !
I know this sounds crazy but its a little bit more complicated. By the way, I have beebn in a long tome relation for 23 years and didnt get married, som i dont tell girls that every times, and second. I am still dating other girls, and have closed dates thursday, friday and saturday with thre different girls, so I am not absolutely stupid

02-18-2015, 11:21 AM
It doesn't sound complicated. Just sounds crazy.
You've known her by phone for two months and met for sex once.
You throwing the word marriage out there now makes you sound like a troll, or just plain crazy.

fat tony
02-18-2015, 11:29 AM
But in this case everything is a bit different. From the first moment I met her on internet we talked about what we were looking for etc.
As the time went on we forund out that she knew my ex(23 year) from work 8 years ago, and they were best friends/ collegues. We stopped talking for some day because of that during christmas, but got connected again. Then we satrted to have som phone sex,and emotions began to come.
We talked about problems with feelings for my ex etc, and that is why she has so many hangups I think. As the time went on she has changed from I cant, I will and back again. last wek I saw her for the first time, and it was very special after two months with pictures and telephone sex. As I said we had sex this friday/ saturday, and the sex was more than fantastic. We talked well day after and until monday, when she suddenly changed and said it became to complicated. Just some more info so you dont think I am absolutely mad, but i really like this girl, and I am actually looking for a long term and serious relationship. Thats why I want to act right this time. I havent done any moves yet. I am still thinking. And I know by experience that the days after first time with sex is crusial.
Just so you know. My long term relation ended because she forund out a was sleeping wit h one of my collegues at work.

fat tony
02-18-2015, 11:34 AM
I will not tell her I want to marry her, but I am seriously about to tell her what I want to make sure she knows I dont just want sex.
But of course I see your point. Thats why I havent done anything yet, but I wanted to discuss with prof, about what to do next "if" I want her back, and what I could do to make it happen.

02-18-2015, 11:41 AM
Get a grip man. She is pulling away.
Acting desperate and needy is the worst thing you can do.

And I don't care what else you type to try and convince yourself or anyone else here....you do NOT know this woman. Quit kidding yourself that it is more than you think.

fat tony
02-18-2015, 12:02 PM
I know, and I think I will fall down at the same conclusion. Its just great to hear it from som pros, who sees it from outside. As I said I feel quite fucked up in my head cause of all my emotions.
And I know, acting needy or desperate is the worst thing to do. Thats why I havent done any moves.
Thanks !

02-25-2015, 12:36 PM
Hi guys !
I know this sounds crazy but its a little bit more complicated. By the way, I have beebn in a long tome relation for 23 years and didnt get married, som i dont tell girls that every times, and second. I am still dating other girls, and have closed dates thursday, friday and saturday with thre different girls, so I am not absolutely stupid

Oh, it's becaiuse this is different due to distance
This is different because of marriage
This is different because of our cultures
This is different bvecause of whatever
It's cause she know someone I know
It's because she know my mom, ex-girlfriend etc etc
It's complicated

It's NOT different or complicated. You are putting her on a pedestal AND thinking with your dick. I don't care who she knows, your ex, this and that. This isn't different. Ok. This is you're dick doing the talking. You're out of your depth and out of your head. Bonkers mate. You're talking about marriage and shit when there is no evidence of such relationship that solid which happened.

This is immature mate.

You haven't had one year with her, met often, got to know each other for real, lived together, etc etc. So please, and anyone else, stop telling people here "it's different, complicated."

Next time, you want advise, listen to the advice or don't but keep saying this is different or complicated because of some history. It doesn't change anything.

It's a fantasy! Wake up man. Personally, I'm not taking you serious mate. You're a grown man, not a teenager besotted over some teacher who he slept with once, and talked to on phone for a couple of months. Marriage is serious shit. It comes with legality stuff and if children is in spanner works, and things go wrong, you lose your home, system gets involved and women will put you through hell if you don't get your head together and see this for what it is. The whole system is in favour of women - so making such decisions better be on solid ground and years of relationship, of figuring out more about her, digging deep to see what you don't see yet because of your emotions.

Take your time. Take years. In fact for you, go and get laid with other women because just over phone and one meet up, and one sex, you're already in some cloud talking about marriage.

Different or not different, complicated or not....this is immature. Grow up man. This is how kids get fked up. This is how families get messed up. The decision you make today, the choices you make create your future. It has implications that doesn't just affect you but other people throughout the rest of their lives.

Take...your...time. Don't rush into serious things like this.

02-26-2015, 05:30 PM
Fat Tony,
everything you are experiencing; the pain, the emotions, the loss - is REAL.
Everything you say makes perfect sense, and so does the thought of asking her to marry you and do whatever it takes to stay together.
It also make perfect sense, that this story is different than others, and that you had a special connection from the start.

It all makes sense; because you just came from a 23 year relationship, and have absolutely Z.E.R.O. up-to-date experience with single women and dating.
It all makes perfect sense, because itīs all seen from the POV of a man who more than anything just wants to connect with a woman, feel valued, loved and whole again.

It all makes sense.
The problem is, this behavior also cripples your dating life and destroys your compass when it comes to your choice in partners.
And an experience like this one can either make you more desperate and vulnerable - or it can be the wake-up call you need to start choosing better and smarter behavior.

Allow yourself to feel whatever you want towards a woman.
But ACT smart. You DO NOT HAVE to let your emotions control your actions.
Just like you CAN get up and go to work even though your might not FEEL like it - so can you FEEL one way and ACT another, when it comes to this (and future) women.

I understand why you feel this desperation.
And - I will also bet anything, that if you had 2, 10 or 50 OTHER attractive, sweet, intelligent and interested women to choose from, you would spend precious little time on this one.
You simply lack the experience that would allow you to compare her to other women - and you simply lack the confidence that allows you to not spend time on this type of relationships.

The good news is, that all this can be learned, and your whole perspective can get completely flipped in the most amazing way - if you want to.

04-15-2015, 01:32 PM
Just be thankful it didn't end with some drama or any lasting repercussions like a pregnancy. This will make you stronger for the next one. Logically think it through. It's not good for you. It's only oxytocin. It'll clear in time. Meanwhile you can help it along by meeting other women.

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