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Sadaka
01-31-2015, 07:04 PM
Alright, so. I dated my ex girlfriend for 3 years, two years ago she dumped me. Barely talked the past 1,5 years and a year ago she told me she met a new guy and didn't want any contact.

About two months ago she started emailing me "to see how i was doing" and now we've been emailing since then. But the thing is, it's getting annoying. She sends an email, writes two sentences and asks a question, i reply, do the same. Not really going anywhere.

Also, she always takes 1 to 7(!) days to respond to my emails, so i always wait a few days before responding, when she did.

Why is she even emailing me and why is she waiting so long to respond? I actually like her but this is just annoying and frustrating.

Also, she and the new guy broke up a few weeks after she started emailing me.

CowboyCasanova
01-31-2015, 07:57 PM
Also, she and the new guy broke up a few weeks after she started emailing me.

Very typical human behavior, happens all the time. Don't be silly enough to get trapped in this.
You KNOW the answer already because it is the last sentence in your post.
She is USING you as a security blanket because she knew you would be weak enough to respond.
She is feeling sorry for herself and hurt over her recent breakup and reaching back for anyone to comfort her. As you can see you are not any sort of a priority and this is all about her and her own mental distraction.
Ignore!

Sadaka
01-31-2015, 08:03 PM
I intend to ask her why she is even contacting me after all this time and tell her that i think it's pointless to exchange a few sentences each week.

CowboyCasanova
02-01-2015, 12:35 AM
Then you would be foolish. Leave her alone.
She is contacting you because you jump when she asks.

By your post just above you demonstrate a weak minded man who is easily manipulated. Is that who you want to be? You are doing exactly what she is hoping. Weak. Weak. Weak!

rdc363
02-03-2015, 03:57 AM
She is interested in something but not interested enough to put mailing you back as a priority OR is playing games with you.


Why even respond? You need to think of what your end goal is and play your hand to achieve that end goal. I had a an ex gf do the same. Eventually I was able to pull a grudge f*** on her. She had dated some other guy while we were going out, and was engaged to him. That was my end goal when she contacted me telling me she was getting engaged to him.

It was kind of personal on my part, so I threw ethics out the window in this case...

Sadaka
02-03-2015, 01:18 PM
So the reply was: "I just wanted to see how you were doing! Nothing else. I didnt think the conversation would drag on for so long but i like to talk to people i havent talked to for a long time sometimes. I didnt mean to treat you bad in any way, that was not my intentation.

Be good!"

Im guessing you guys dont think i should reply.

My conclusion; bitch.

rockycruz
02-07-2015, 12:16 AM
So the reply was: "I just wanted to see how you were doing! Nothing else. I didnt think the conversation would drag on for so long but i like to talk to people i havent talked to for a long time sometimes. I didnt mean to treat you bad in any way, that was not my intentation.

Be good!"

Im guessing you guys dont think i should reply.

My conclusion; bitch.

You learn the hard way, don't you mate. You was advised but don't listen. I don't know why people ask for help or advice, and then get it and try to be logic with it, and don't follow advice. Or make logical reasons and excuses to act upon their dick.

The question was never about why she is emailing you. The question was never about what is she thinking and why she is doing this. The question was never about why...why...why...SHE is doing this.

The question from day one was - where is your self respect, self worth, to even bother replying to a girl that treats you like shit. To even bother entertaining the thought of her existence and be CURIOUS to why...why...why.

My conclusion - she's not a bitch. You is the bitch mate, the man who is weak. She was only doing what women do and you don't know how to handle women. Stop calling women bitches, just because they don't give you what you want or act in a way you don't want them.

She ONLY acted that way because you reacted, you hooked into her desire for stimulation, self validation of importance. It was easy to ignore or to say to not contact you again. You couldn't even do that. You had to ask her to show you know nothing whatsoever about her mind, and women. You've shown and PROVED to her the DOUBTS she had about you when breaking up with you are valid.

That you is too easy. You haven't changed at all. Easy to manipulate, too much of a "nice guy." Like a moth attracted to light. Switch light on and moth easily drawn to it because it has no control. You showed her who is REALLY in control. HER!

CowboyCasanova
02-07-2015, 09:42 AM
When a man can learn to control his emotions and stupid impulses he can start to take control of his life and become a real alpha, a real PUA.

If you let women make you jump, you will always be a beta. Never respected by a women, always letting them pull your strings.

rockycruz
02-08-2015, 01:55 AM
When a man can learn to control his emotions and stupid impulses he can start to take control of his life and become a real alpha, a real PUA.

If you let women make you jump, you will always be a beta. Never respected by a women, always letting them pull your strings.

THIS! Spot on mate.

Toolist
02-14-2015, 11:42 AM
I'm in a somewhat similar situation myself, listening to an ex of almost a year talk about her date with some guy a few nights ago, it got to be a bit too much and I simply told her that it was more than I wanted to hear, she said she was sorry and that was that. My point is that I knew what my emotional limits were and clearly communicated them and she (mostly) has respected that. If you don't feel that you can do that then you should stay away, she's also not playing games if you don't know your own limits and get blindsighted by what she tells you. Being actually good friends with your exs is not easy and you have to know and like yourself well enough not to get caught up in any feelings you may still have, otherwise no contact is a good idea!

WillisWillis
02-15-2015, 10:03 PM
Being actually good friends with your exs is not easy...
Why bother at all? If you have other options and have completely moved on, then, yeah, I guess some kind of superficial friendship is possible. Still, I don't think you stand to gain anything by befriending a girl who has rejected you romantically. Your anecdote proves my point, too. You're not really friends with someone who may send you into an emotional tailspin just by talking about her date.

ainsworth70
02-22-2015, 05:12 AM
I agree. Just ignore her or ask her what she wants. You don't want to be her toy every time she breaks up with a boyfriend, do you? :)

spiritofjosh
05-28-2015, 07:11 AM
I have a perfect example right now actually, that happened within the last two weeks. I dated this girl for two months, two years ago. She broke it off and we went our separate ways. She started contacting me asking how I was etc because I ran into her at a show after not talking for a few months. For a week she started texting me, catching up and stuff and finally I did what you did and asked what she wanted. Her response was much like your ex's and then we stopped talking completely.

Flash forward a year or so later after I leave a 6 month relationship, she randomly starts texting me. I didn't jump at her because I'm over her, and she kept her game strong. She started asking me to hang out daily, and go out on weekends, even started staying over. But I didn't care and just let her do her thing without caring where it went. I think she got the hint and now doesn't contact me anymore and guess what? It doesn't bother me at all.

Point is you have to worry about keeping yourself going, not her.

thebizkid
06-22-2015, 07:45 PM
I'd just be straight forward to get your answer. Call her on her bs. I'd be like, "Oh, I guess we should meet up for a coffee date sometime and catch up." If she's adamant about that or just says no, then she's just looking to you for emotional comfort in this vulnerable time. Definitely, ignore if that's the case. But if she says sure, then hey, game on. Show her the new, better you.