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View Full Version : Here we go again



cheerios321
01-30-2015, 07:16 AM
Well its been well over 2 years since I posted here so I'm hoping to find some help again. I had to change my username because my ex must of googled my email or something and found all of my posts on here... THAT WAS BAD lol.

So i met this girl back in summer of I think 2012 or 2013 I cant even remember anymore.. Everything was great, When we first met I only had a month to spend with her before she went back to school so I felt like I had to make some moves alot quicker than i normally would. So within 3 weeks or so we were boyfriend and girlfriend and I saw her every other week I would either make the 3 hour drive out there or she would come here. We did have our share of problems.. but stayed together through it all. Fast forward a while after she graduated and moved back home (we still lived 40 minutes away from one another) she gets a job closer to my home and we discuss living together so we can spend more time together. I knew deep down that this was not a good idea but I was living at home and wanted to get out of here and I really did love the girl. Within the first 2 weeks it was all downhill and I regret doing it. She went through my facebook and flipped out after going through all my messages which I thought was messed up. After moving in it was all down hill from there. I started going out with my friends ALOT and she had a problem with our drinking. She said I needed to grow up now that we weren't in college anymore. More or less we grew apart over time. We got into routines, we both let ourselves go and I was in the worst shape of my life by the end. SHe told me one day that everything I did annoyed her..but yet still said she wanted me to do more stuff for her and she wanted more romance blah blah blah. I blew everything off and never let anything she said bother me. Anytime I would plan something nice for her she would start a huge fight and we would end up not doing whatever was planned. It got to the point where I felt like the more I did stuff for her the more she would bitch and flip out. She was nicer when I would just ignore her. Anytime she would fight with me I wouldn't give in to her, I don't think I ever raised my voice at her. She started fighting with me just because I wouldn't fight back and she wanted me to. This went on for a while and we drug the relationship out much longer than we should of. One day she asked why I loved her and she didn't like my response. I knew this was a test and I tried to dodge it and come back with a whitty comeback but I remember after her asking this things got worse. The last time we had sex I could just tell she wasn't into it at all so I stopped having it with her. I started playing video games like crazy after a while and got really involved into fantasy football.

So our lease ran out and we had talked about renewing it but ultimately I didnt want to be stuck another year. She signed it herself but I didn't and I stuck around for another 2-3 months. She finally told me maybe it was time for me to go since I had been going out with my friends and I gues she got fed up with me not coming home. Granted I never cheated on her or anything but definitely wasn't a good boyfriend to her. The day I moved out she was in tears and kept texting me about what she should of did differently to make things better. She said all she wanted me to do the past few weeks was just grab her and tell her how much I loved her and how i needed to fight for what i wanted but she guessed maybe she just needed to let me go.. I went no contact right away. I knew I needed to change some things so I started hitting the gym every day Ive since lost about 15 pounds. 3 weeks after the breakup her car broke down and she needed a ride so I picked her up and took her home. I waited a little bit longer and reached out to her yesterday its been about 5 weeks and tried to ask her if she wanted to meet up this weekend. I honestly wouldn;t of even wasted my time but I thought for sure she would of said yes. She was all defensive asking why I wanted to take her out and what I was trying to get out of this. I basically said I wanted to take her out on a date and that I never stopped caring about her and only left because things were clearly not changing and I knew I had to do something about it. She replied back that I didnt really treat her like a girlfriend when we were together and she cant let me treat her like one. We obviously cant live together and it will never work between us. She just wanted me to date her when we were together its not the same anymore. Looks like she gets the last laugh.

I left because I wanted to try to build attraction and make things better. We got along really good dont get me wrong we would watch tv and movies and had good conversations we just lost our affection for one another...I guess I should of told her how I had feelings for her and everything I dont think I had much of any rapport with the girl but I really did love her. I never told her about my feelings ever and it is really hard for me to let anyone get close to me. I dont know, maybe she met someone else already.. It just didnt really feel over til yesterday when she said this to me. I've read a ton of articles on breakups so I know this is normal to feel this way but I feel so empty right now.. I have an anxiety disorder so it is really hard for me to meet new people and all of my friends are getting married I don't think I have any that are single anymore. This was the first time shes ever truly made me feel sad about something and at one time she would of done anything for me. I guess I shouldn't of taken her for granted like I did.

rockycruz
01-31-2015, 04:29 PM
I guess I shouldn't of taken her for granted like I did.

Nop. That isn't it.

The first is you both moved in too soon. You moved in with her for the WRONG reasons and let your emotions i.e. survival of wanting to move out to have your own place. You knew 100% that moving in with her was a bad idea. You knew it mate but you went ahead because you was thinking with your dick and also survival of getting out of where you was out.

But when a guy does that, he will end up in a bad place - and the moment you guys got together, you saw why it was a bad idea to come together. She is possessives, controlling, and also lacks communication skills. Like a child brat, creating drama for attention.

The second mistake...

You made no contact and when she got into some trouble, you went in like a Knight in Shining Armour. Women do this all time. They either text or call to say they broke down in car, or the dog they both bought is very ill, or something else. They know how to pull the strings of a man. They know what makes a man tick.

They know a man LOVES TO SOLVE PROBLEMS.

So you went ahead, with feeling of guilt because she tried to make you feel guilty. Women are very good at that. When a man LEAVES they feel loss of control. When they get a touch of MASCULINITY, that man will leave, then femininty kicks in with love texts, how she would have done it differently, how she should have done this and that.

And the moment, the guy comes back because of this or anything else, until he shows he's a man and he's NOT HAVING THIS BS so she better change her ways, and this is the terms or forget it - she will see him for what he really is. Weak, can be controlled, lack of value. Now, all that crap she says about how she should have done this with you, been better at this, is flipped to, "how you never treated her as a girlfriend and how she can't let you treat her like that anymore."

See how it is now? Before with NO CONTACT and you leaving also, she was all putty.

She was all crying, tears, and how she wished she did this and that. The moment you came from rescue with ONE MESSAGE, One, about her car breaking down, you come to the rescue. Meaning, you want her, you're desperate for her, she has power, control, and she can call for something else and you'd run back like a white knight.

Since it worked for her, since she got her VALIDATION, well, now she has the upper hand, acting vindictive, manipulative, the way she was in the relationship, and sabotaging her relationship again, creating more drama. So she ain't give a damn about relationship. She gives a damn about control, about how it's all about her, all about her terms, her attention and nothing else but that.

When you go to her to ask for date, well mate; now she turns on the heat and tries to act differently.

Advice. NO FKING CONTACT. I DON'T CARE IF WORLD ENDS. I don't care if she's being eating by dogs or zombies. NO CONTACT until you can get over her, and you sort your life out.

I gurantee you this.

The moment you grab your balls and make NO CONTACT. No reply to any text, whatsoever, even if she says, "Hi," or whatever, she will start to miss you. The negative she has about you will wither away. And then she'll start contacting you again, and again, text messages and all that lovey, romantic messages and..

"Oh I was so sorry to say that. Blah blah."

When that happens, you say, "Look. I need space. Don't contact me. I'll contact you when I'm ready too."

Keep no contact until you sort yourself out, out of your system, changed one thing about you, which will take 3 months. Don't worry if some guy is going out with her. Don't think she won't miss you because SHE WILL. You will see lots of games happening with text, facebook, all sorts. IGNORE the lot and don't over think them.

When you are strong, ready ask yourself this before contacting her not for date, but to just chill..

1. Can I do better than her?
2. Have I done so, gone with other attractive women (DO IT)
3. Now, do I really want to go back to this kind of relationship when I can start fresh?

If you still want her back, ok but don't go back living together. Not for a long while. 2-3 years tops.

cheerios321
02-03-2015, 06:53 AM
Thank you very much for the response it does help hearing from someone else. I am in a very dark place right now. All of my friends who were single back then are now all out getting married.. It's really hard for me to find anyone who ever wants to do anything anymore. I have been going to the gym by myself and have lost a decent bit of weight but I know I still have a lot of work to do. She would always complain that I never cooked for her or wouldn't do anything romantic for her. I told her from the beginning I was not a cook so I guess she figured she could change me into one. Maybe I should take a cooking class or something. I was also never really big on going to her family events... She is very big into family but they always just felt so awkward for me. I didn't really have anything in common with anyone and it didn't really help that they were even more shy than me. Another big thing me and my friends would go out and drink a lot and she would always come with us. But as soon as we moved in together she did a total 180 and never wanted to drink again.. Now I don't drink all that often once a week maybe tops but I guess when me and my friends do drink we do go overboard.. I don't know maybe it is becoming a problem. She told me I needed to grow up and she also told me that she didn't feel like I would be a good father if we would ever end up having kids and that really stung.. She also said that none of my friends are good influences on me. I'm going to be 27 here this month and I feel like my entire life has just become unraveled. I'm having a hard time figuring out where to start.

CowboyCasanova
02-03-2015, 07:25 AM
Go back and re-read all of rockycruz post. I could not have said it better myself.

Now I will add this....

Do you realize every sentence you are writing begins with:
* She told me
* She said
* She is
* She would
* She also said
* She wanted

Where is your inner game? You are so wrapped up in someone else's opinions about you that you have lost your own self worth. Get in the damn gym, take some classes that YOU are interested in. Quit the video games and staying home feeling sorry for yourself. Cut back or quit drinking for a while and find yourself, find your self worth again. Get out of the house alone and go meet girls. Don't use the excuse about no friends. You will meet new ones. All my closest friends are married and I don't count on them for my night time fun. I go out by myself 5 nights a week, but when I show up somewhere there are always people I know, a lot of them, because I go out a lot and I make the effort to get to know at least one person well (male or female) each night, on top of the usual game stuff with the girls.

Bottom line, man up and develop an interesting life and you will feel better about yourself and less susceptible to all the bullshit opinions of other people. You will also start automatically attracting better girls, and have more interesting things to do and talk about in your life.

rockycruz
02-03-2015, 12:25 PM
Thank you very much for the response it does help hearing from someone else. I am in a very dark place right now. All of my friends who were single back then are now all out getting married.. It's really hard for me to find anyone who ever wants to do anything anymore.

Then find new friends. Get out of the house. Think about what you're into, activities, passion and find networks, groups, events, organisations that do what you're into and go out there. You'll meet and make new friends.


She would always complain that I never cooked for her or wouldn't do anything romantic for her. I told her from the beginning I was not a cook so I guess she figured she could change me into one.

Mate, a woman does not bring her lover down. She builds him up. I don't cook often, and I don't hear my girl friends tell me what I don't do for them.


I was also never really big on going to her family events... She is very big into family but they always just felt so awkward for me. I didn't really have anything in common with anyone and it didn't really help that they were even more shy than me.

I don't visit my girlfriends families, and one who lives with me and has been for 15 years, I don't go and visit her relatives and nor do I go out with her, with her friends. She don't complain about that. You know why?

Because a lover builds her man up, not bring him down. HE IS HER FAMILY. If my girl wants to visit her relatives, she can, but she doesn't start chatting crap on why I ain't visiting.


Another big thing me and my friends would go out and drink a lot and she would always come with us. But as soon as we moved in together she did a total 180 and never wanted to drink again..

That's what happens when you follow your dick and not your values. That's what happens when man doesn't find out more about her, and observe the pattern. You moved in out of desperation, for comfort zone kind of thing not for the right reasons AND she knew this too. That's what some women do. They act all nice, hiding things but really, to a man who observes, he can see all that shit unravel before it gets worse EXCEPT it won't for some guys because they are only thinking of ASS, of PUSSY, of comfort zone, etc.

Also women test man. When she turned 180, that is when you needed to put your foot down. That is when you needed to leave, contract or no contract. That is when you needed to show her, she ain't going to push you around. That is when you needed to educate her that this isn't going down the way she thinks. That was day and she might have stepped back and thought..

"Shit. He's a man. I better behave or I'll lose him."


She told me I needed to grow up and she also told me that she didn't feel like I would be a good father if we would ever end up having kids and that really stung.. She also said that none of my friends are good influences on me.

Yeah. SHE...SHE...SHE TOLD YOU MATE.

She is breaking you down. She is telling you, you're shit. She is telling you your worthless. She is telling attacking your manhood. She is telling you, you're never going to be a good father.

She.

Who wants to be with a woman like that, who breaks her man down, who attacks his character, who tells him he is weak, tells him he will never be a good father. Who?

I tell you who.

A woman who is scared, lives in fear, and wants to control the man, make him small, weak, to such a state, that she can say, and do whatever she wants, and walk ALL OVER HIM because she's got a PUSSY. Honestly mate, that is poisoning your mind.

It is lowering your self esteem. It is making you feel shit. This is why you have to be careful who you associate with and be with because words can impact your thoughts, and hurt you at a deeper level than most even can imagine.


I'm going to be 27 here this month and I feel like my entire life has just become unraveled.

Welcome to the club. All men go through this. It ain't the end of the world and I'm 45 years old. All you have said mate, gives NO REASON whatsoever to tolerate that crap from the girl and from any girl and MAN. No one should talk shit like that to you.

I don't even let my mother talk like that to em or she is out of my house and can only comes back until she behaves herself.

Women will treat you shit if you let them. They will walk all over if you let them. They will try and break you down, make you doubt yourself, isolate you, and even tell you to leave your friends IF the guy is not a Masculine man, isn't man enough to stand up for himself.


I'm having a hard time figuring out where to start.

Start with you. Get a purpose. Find what interests you. Discover your passion. Get a job. Save up. Get your own place. Go on holiday, see the world. Go and make new friends and go and meet new girls. The world is big.

You are at the moment living in some box that SHE created for you in your mind and making you feel like your worthless. WORDS mate can damage a man. Words are not just words, they are THOUGHTS. Thoughts that make you believe something you are not. Believing you got nothing, and your weak, and there is nothing out there for you and you don't deserve better.

Well, you do.

Don't EVER let a woman talk shit like that to you mate. Ever. Don't let anyone woman tell you, you can't be a good father. Educate people to not talk that way with you. Don't let any woman, man, expert, anyone attack your mind, self esteem, your self worth.

A woman who cares for her man, who loves her man, truly, will big him up. A woman who is weak, afraid, insecure, manipulative will try to bring him down and will not find any good or much in him.

Never change for woman. Change for yourself. Above all, never let a woman talk down at you and tell you, your self worth.

At this moment in your life, you are not in this place for relationships. Work on yourself, get yourself on your feet, get your own place and NEVER move in with a woman for years.