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View Full Version : gone no contact am i doing it right?



thatguy101
01-23-2015, 06:09 AM
in short broke up with a girl who i really like, she broke up with me as i messed up i didn't cheat just something that was not asked of me.

anyways we broke up even thou she claimed she didnt want to and still really like me etc. so i deleted her on FB after saying she will lose me. i felt this was childish and looked like i couldnt take it, so added her back and said look i respect your choice but im not gonna be childish and delete you but no it may come to a point where i may remove you on here again as i just would like space right now as i cant see a friendship option.

she liked one of my posts when i added her back. but apart from that not a word after 2 days. am i doing this all wrong? i wont be giving her likes or anything on her profile and i wont be checking up or contacting either ive hidden all notifications her side. i would eventually like her back as we are good together she even said it herself and was very reluctant to let me leave after we talked about it, wouldnt let go of my hand etc. then we wernt talking about breaking up she said everything felt normal like she wished we wernt in this position and so on.

am i doing this all wrong?

also may have a potential encounter with a girl im getting gig tickets from tonight, she stated well if you wanna grab a drink and maybe cinema as well as buying these tickets then we can do. i just said maybe im waiting to hear back from other plans i will let you know (i have no other plans)

any advice on either of these situations are welcomed.

CowboyCasanova
01-23-2015, 07:34 AM
Confused as to why you broke up and can't give proper advice without more details.

thatguy101
01-23-2015, 07:58 AM
Confused as to why you broke up and can't give proper advice without more details.

it was the use of drugs before a family party after being told not too, which is fair enough ihold my hands up and admit my mistake, she thinks it will happen again thou, however iverealised what mess business that is from this and scared me away from anything completely. I am changing that around regardless to wether she will have me back. its a recreational thing that will develop further. she said everything was good and would of been good til that one thing. she didnt want to let me go really but has done regardless

and also the no contact thing but still on facebook thoughts on that?

CowboyCasanova
01-23-2015, 08:24 AM
If you plan on making a sincere change and you would like her back then no need to go no contact. Just fix your drug problem and keep contact low-key with her. At some point in the future if she is interested in seeing how you're doing then that door will be open to her.

thatguy101
01-23-2015, 08:33 AM
thank you for your response, so by this you mean stay on facebook keep contact low if she contacts me first? could you clarify with examples of this please.

i would rather give her space than pop up and chat right now and attempt to be friends as that is not my intention i only see her in one way!

CowboyCasanova
01-23-2015, 08:52 AM
No reason not to stay friends. I would just not bug her on Facebook and concentrate on fixing the drug issue (assuming that is your plan) as clearly that is a red light for her and if you want to be in that relationship you need to stop. When she is ready to reinstate conversation it will be good to show you have been working on yourself. If she doesn't ever come back at least you can remain friends.

thatguy101
01-23-2015, 09:10 AM
thank you for your help i appreciate i guess i have to prove her wrong and that this can be fixed it may just take a lot of effort i guess to prove that to her.

CowboyCasanova
01-23-2015, 09:39 AM
You can only prove it by establishing a track record. Not be promising or telling her about it.

rockycruz
01-24-2015, 08:12 PM
thank you for your help i appreciate i guess i have to prove her wrong and that this can be fixed it may just take a lot of effort i guess to prove that to her.

Now that's not the mindset to be in. You don't prove to her but to do for yourself.

1. Minimize contact. It is logical for guys to think, that by keeping in touch, replying to text, facebook messages that she will fall back in love. And telling her what you changed. It works in reverse. She will remember the negative aspects of you than good. The mistake was removing facebook and then adding her on, because of "petty." That's logic.

Man must make a decision and be certain to stick with it without fear of loss. This to a woman is more attractive than most guys think.

I personally go NO CONTACT and I don't do it in a bad way. It has worked wonders and even when my ex girlfriends used to contact with text often, I'd say, "Look. I need space. So please don't contact me until I contact you. Cheers."

And some tried to do so but I didn't pick up. I meant what I said and I don't waver for pussy or to prove to a girl anything. This is about me. This was my time to change, my time to get my life in order, get her out of my system and move on.

2. When I have got her out of my system, when I know I am strong to not try and impress her. I have answered many questions to myself, changed, then do I contact her. Not for a date. Not making it as a date but to just contact saying something happening, come along, it be fun.

3. Before contacting, I would have changed some things about me. It's noticeable big time. But I didn't do it for her but for me. One of mistake guys make, is trying to change for a girl and tries to show how he changed but she must learn this change not from what you say, but by finding out herself.

Through that time, I've discovered my ex girlfriends saw more positive than negative because of that time span difference. She was eager to see me. I read a lot, got a better job, and changed some other things too. I even went on holiday a few times.

Now, I was at stage where I felt I really don't need her or any girl to be happy, and nor do I need to get laid to be happy. I create my happiness by having purpose in my life and doing my own things for my future.

From example of one ex-girlfriend...

4. We met but by that time, I saw world, saw things, met other girls, my social life grew bigger, and well, I didn't want her back. I didn't say anything. We just met but she kind of felt I didn't initiate anything which actually got her to pursue. I even pulled away when she tried to kiss, which got her to even chase more.

Weird how when you don't want the girl, they now want you. Wierd when you're not bothered about dating and suddenly, you got girls wanting to be with you.

We are still friends and she respects me a hell a lot more. She does want to come back because I changed a lot, but I don't want to. I felt I can do better and I did. She does regret finishing because if she didn't, well, as she said, "I'd still be with her." I doubt that though. I'm not type to stick to one girl. Not now anyway.

Anyway, that's just my opinion mate. That's what worked for me with ex-girlfriends.

thatguy101
01-25-2015, 03:33 PM
Now that's not the mindset to be in. You don't prove to her but to do for yourself.

1. Minimize contact. It is logical for guys to think, that by keeping in touch, replying to text, facebook messages that she will fall back in love. And telling her what you changed. It works in reverse. She will remember the negative aspects of you than good. The mistake was removing facebook and then adding her on, because of "petty." That's logic.

Man must make a decision and be certain to stick with it without fear of loss. This to a woman is more attractive than most guys think.

I personally go NO CONTACT and I don't do it in a bad way. It has worked wonders and even when my ex girlfriends used to contact with text often, I'd say, "Look. I need space. So please don't contact me until I contact you. Cheers."

And some tried to do so but I didn't pick up. I meant what I said and I don't waver for pussy or to prove to a girl anything. This is about me. This was my time to change, my time to get my life in order, get her out of my system and move on.

2. When I have got her out of my system, when I know I am strong to not try and impress her. I have answered many questions to myself, changed, then do I contact her. Not for a date. Not making it as a date but to just contact saying something happening, come along, it be fun.

3. Before contacting, I would have changed some things about me. It's noticeable big time. But I didn't do it for her but for me. One of mistake guys make, is trying to change for a girl and tries to show how he changed but she must learn this change not from what you say, but by finding out herself.

Through that time, I've discovered my ex girlfriends saw more positive than negative because of that time span difference. She was eager to see me. I read a lot, got a better job, and changed some other things too. I even went on holiday a few times.

Now, I was at stage where I felt I really don't need her or any girl to be happy, and nor do I need to get laid to be happy. I create my happiness by having purpose in my life and doing my own things for my future.

From example of one ex-girlfriend...

4. We met but by that time, I saw world, saw things, met other girls, my social life grew bigger, and well, I didn't want her back. I didn't say anything. We just met but she kind of felt I didn't initiate anything which actually got her to pursue. I even pulled away when she tried to kiss, which got her to even chase more.

Weird how when you don't want the girl, they now want you. Wierd when you're not bothered about dating and suddenly, you got girls wanting to be with you.

We are still friends and she respects me a hell a lot more. She does want to come back because I changed a lot, but I don't want to. I felt I can do better and I did. She does regret finishing because if she didn't, well, as she said, "I'd still be with her." I doubt that though. I'm not type to stick to one girl. Not now anyway.

Anyway, that's just my opinion mate. That's what worked for me with ex-girlfriends.

cheers for the informative reply my friend, very true on facebook front i feel i am in a position now where i will just keep her on there etc etc. we have not chatted since the break up neither have initiated any type of social network reach out for example a like etc. she on the other hand has liked a few of my posts. im just going to work on myself im gyming again now i have set goals with that im staying in for a bit and self improving in general.

If she contacts me i will keep it short and light perhaps? Im more bothered about sorting and composing my life out, i do want her back however as it was a major cock up on my part.

rockycruz
01-25-2015, 07:25 PM
cheers for the informative reply my friend, very true on facebook front i feel i am in a position now where i will just keep her on there etc etc. we have not chatted since the break up neither have initiated any type of social network reach out for example a like etc. she on the other hand has liked a few of my posts. im just going to work on myself im gyming again now i have set goals with that im staying in for a bit and self improving in general.

If she contacts me i will keep it short and light perhaps? Im more bothered about sorting and composing my life out, i do want her back however as it was a major cock up on my part.

Whatever happens mate, all best. Good on yah for going to gym and setting out goals. Something no one can take away no matter what happens. Been to gym now for sometime, I feel awesome. I can't believe transformation. I wish I did it ages ago in my teens but hey, never too late for us 45 year old geezers. I feel like I'm top of world. So will you mate.

Anyway, thanks for your reply mate and hope all works out way you want it.

thatguy101
01-27-2015, 03:32 PM
Whatever happens mate, all best. Good on yah for going to gym and setting out goals. Something no one can take away no matter what happens. Been to gym now for sometime, I feel awesome. I can't believe transformation. I wish I did it ages ago in my teens but hey, never too late for us 45 year old geezers. I feel like I'm top of world. So will you mate.

Anyway, thanks for your reply mate and hope all works out way you want it.

cheers mate appreciate it,

as i say i still have her on facebook and im quite a social guy, would this effect no contact in anyways. as far as im concerend she seems to be doing just fine with happy go lucky status updates that pop up every so often.

CowboyCasanova
01-27-2015, 04:04 PM
Being a friend on FB can still be No Contact as long as you are not interacting on her page.

thatguy101
01-28-2015, 10:29 AM
Being a friend on FB can still be No Contact as long as you are not interacting on her page.

although if i post too much and intereact with others too much and i appear on her feed she wont really get chance to miss me will she?

CowboyCasanova
01-28-2015, 11:40 AM
If you are being social and doing fun stuff and she happens to see it on FB you are creating an image of someone who is living a good life without her. That is what you want.
Interact with your friends and new girls. Not her or her friends.

thatguy101
01-28-2015, 03:41 PM
If you are being social and doing fun stuff and she happens to see it on FB you are creating an image of someone who is living a good life without her. That is what you want.
Interact with your friends and new girls. Not her or her friends.

she has reached out to me in the form of facebook message 1 week to the date i went no contact and she ended things with me me its been read but i have not responded,

"hiya, just wanted to say hi and i hope you're ok, not really sure, I'll understand if you don't reply, just wanted to check in x"

how do i handle this do you think?

CowboyCasanova
01-28-2015, 03:47 PM
"Doing great. Thanks."

One day she will want to have more of a conversation. Hopefully in the time in between, if you want to get back with her, you are working on the drug issue.

If not, just leave her alone as that seems to be a deal breaker for her.

thatguy101
01-28-2015, 03:50 PM
so last week my girl broke things off with me due to something i did which i was asked not to, she was pretty reluctent to let me go and didnt wanna lose me if im honest and wouldnt let go of my hand and was shaking etc but she felt she had too due to this error, which was not cheating it was the use of a drug recreational, something ive put behind me due to this as i realise it effects others,

we ended up speaking about it on facebook and deleting her shortly after i just said look i accept it and i dont want to be childish i'll add you back on but i need space to work everything out as you fundamental are losing me here due to this break.

anyways ive gone one week no contact kept positive on facebook not posted anything negative just gone about my business as usual.

its been one week, shes liked a few of my posts but i have not interacted with her in anyways.

just now i get this message " hiya, just wanted to say hi and hope you're ok, not really sure, I'll understand if you don't reply, just wanted to check in x"

in my opinion a very bland message

what are my options here? i would like her back but i tried all that before the break up was official,

thatguy101
01-28-2015, 03:59 PM
as blunt as that? no are you ok etc? I know ive hit the recreational use on the head now my friend as the shock and embarrassment of this situation has made me realize that it is not worth my happiness over such antics. the problem is ive said i wouldnt do it but did without a thought about the consequences. i explained to her how i felt embarassed and ashamed that i would let something like that ruin happiness that i wouldnt do it again, but obviously time is testament to that, she is not going to simply believe me off the bat so to speak

CowboyCasanova
01-28-2015, 04:10 PM
If you respond with more than that now you are going to get in a conversation about things before you are ready.

If she loves you you aren't going to lose her because of that response.

Later when she asks why you are being distant you have a plausible answer of, " I needed time to work on my issues to be a better man"

thatguy101
01-28-2015, 04:20 PM
very true i just feel maybe not asking will seem rude, but if i just hi yeah im doing well thanks or something like that where does that leave the convo?

im just wondering how to take the not really sure part, its as if she is not really sure why she is messaging in a sense. i mean ive left it half an hour now anyways, she popped up when i posted a random video on facebook. its nearly 12.20 am here in the uk i may leave the reply till tomorrow

CowboyCasanova
01-28-2015, 04:26 PM
Girls will say whatever they need to in order to tug your string and elicit a response.
If you want to respond that is up your option.
However I can almost guarantee it will turn into some long discussion at which point she will probably realize she is still a little more mad at you than she misses you.
The longer you wait to hold off that conversation the more she will miss you, the less mad she will be, and the more time you have to fix your track record by self improvement.

thatguy101
01-28-2015, 04:28 PM
sorry i replied twice then as it didnt appear after i posted.

thatguy101
01-28-2015, 04:31 PM
that is true so you feel it is more of an ego stroke to see if i will jump when she says how hi rather than a genuine concern. it seems like a hesitant message when she says not really sure. I improved from the get go after that slip up as i say recreational use really more at a party etc than an every day hard hit addiction if that makes sense. obviously i need to drop and have done and will continue to do so.

CowboyCasanova
01-28-2015, 04:56 PM
that is true so you feel it is more of an ego stroke to see if i will jump when she says how hi rather than a genuine concern.

It is always a combination of two things.
1) they want to see if they can make you jump as you guessed.
2) they are baffled how you are strong enough to put them on no contact and it drives them crazy

thatguy101
01-28-2015, 05:14 PM
i thought as much as there is nothing there apart from a blunt message and that is because i appear to have regained some sort of control by simple accepting and not begging anymore etc.

so i shall reply like you said in a simple manor just stating that im doing well "hi, yeah im doing well thanks"

to which i will probably recieve a reply saying good :) or something like that. she may or may not think im interested anymore which may not work too well for me

rockycruz
01-28-2015, 06:19 PM
very true i just feel maybe not asking will seem rude, but if i just hi yeah im doing well thanks or something like that where does that leave the convo?

im just wondering how to take the not really sure part, its as if she is not really sure why she is messaging in a sense. i mean ive left it half an hour now anyways, she popped up when i posted a random video on facebook. its nearly 12.20 am here in the uk i may leave the reply till tomorrow

Bro. Step back man. You're not showing pattern like my friends who fked up except for one guy who got the girl running after him.

For you mate, looking at your reacting, it's going to be NO CONTACT 100% for months.

1. "Likes" are nothing. It is her trying to get you to validate to yourself, and for her ego.
2. It's not RUDE to say, "fk it I'm a man." Stop worrying about offending her for not replying. She doesn't give a fk about this. She gives a damn if you're a man. That you don't REACT and you are right now REACTING to her role playing to see if you is a man, or you are not.
3. You're too focused on what she's doing an over analyzing "ikes" and other activities. Focus on you.

Be a man. If she is contacting you then take control...

"Hi. Listen. I want to have space and time for myself. I'll contact you when the time comes but for now, please don't contact me."

You now be the man, you took control before she does, before she pulls rug under your eyes and not to spite her - but to show what a man is. And if she gets offended, LET HER. You're not offending her. She'll be upset because her attractive BS is not working on you anymore and now...she feels "shit, I could lose him."

a MAN give NO CONTACT until they sort themselves out, and get the girl out of their system, in which they are happy without the girl. That's a man. When you have done that, whether it took a month or 4 months, whatever...then contact but do not invite for dates but make it like you doing something already.

When my mates kept on replying to, "Hi, just thought I'd say high blah blah.." They didn't realise that in doing so, the negative aspects of themselves was not being forgotten and it also showed, they needed the VALIDATION from the girls

One guy followed the plan and after he did, 3 months later, the girl wanted him back, showed up o some fun he set up with friends, and they got back together. She wasn't even hesitant, all over him.

The only one out of the gang of 7 guys friends got back with the girl was him.

But you're following the same pattern as the other six guys.

Don't get sucked into a conversation as CowboyCasanova was saying. This is what I warned about.

Now you're falling for it and wondering, "shall I reply."

This wouldn't happen if you had NO CONTACT and said so, "I'm taking time for myself and need space, and having fun with guys. I'll contact you when I want to talk."

But you were worried about offending her and all sorts of logic stuff.

Be the MAN, have a strong inner game...if you want her back. Don't worry what she says, does, sends message. IGNORE. NO CONTACT.

Stop DANCING TO HER TUNE and dance to yours.

thatguy101
01-28-2015, 06:30 PM
yeah i get what you mean no idea why i was rambling on about facebook likes and shit like some little bitch haha.

but with message i dunno what to do as dunno what her motives are from it, either way im not gonna jump for joy in terms of a reply, i could just say yeah im good thanks and leave it at that,

i dont wanna burn my bridges but i dont wanna get zapped in.