View Full Version : Ex makes contact - Totally Confused!

12-08-2014, 07:04 AM
So this girl and I had been seeing each other for 6 months. Things got pretty heavy in this time - we went on an amazing holiday, lived together for a time and spent almost all of our time together. We had an incredible summer. She was the first to say "I love you" and later regularly called me her soulmate, discussed children and our future together (even said she would be uncertain about an abortion if it was mine!)

Now, I had already realised that she wasn't the love of my life, nor was she particularly suitable for a long term relationship given that she cheated on her ex-bf as they didn't see one another enough. What compounded it was her saying she didn't feel guilty because she didn't love him anymore (he still loved her...) She has always seemed to love male attention (was insecure about weight and looks and loved to be admired) and adored sex.

Anyway, we both departed for university, promising to try to make things work but within 2 weeks things had gone quiet and snappy on her end. I visited her, only for her to say that she didn't have the emotional capacity or time capacity to make a relationship work alongside her demanding course, for us to discuss how the LDR wasn't going to work and the break up to occur. She admitted she had slept in another guy's bed. She promised nothing happened. Even so, she was texting this guy in front of me the entire time I was there and got happy whenever he responded.

I know what to do now, how to progress in terms of NC and self-improvement but just want some closure in my own mind. When we ended she was a mess, saying that she wished we had met after university so we could have had a future/still wanted a future etc, so she clearly still cared. But at the same time, she said she rarely thought of me or her "old" life whilst at university. I think she then started seeing the guy she shared a bed with.

Yesterday, after 2 months of separation, she sent me a text asking why I'd removed her from fb, saying it perplexed and hurt her and that she thought it was unncessary but asking how I was.

I left it for a day or so and then this chat followed:

Me: All going well, thanks. I don't use fb particularly anymore and thought it was fairer on new partners.

Her: Oh. Right Okay. Are you seeing someone?
Her: Sorry that sounded super blunt. I was just wondering. and now my heads gone into overdrive. Urgg. Sorry I'm probably the last person you want texting you out of the blue. I just feel a little lost I guess.

Me: I understand, but it'll pass.

Her: OK. You obviously don't want anything to do with me. Not sure what it is I've done to offen you. Thought we ended things amicably but obviously I was sorely mistaken. I'm sorry for whatever it is I've done, I hope whoever she is makes you as happy as you made me.

Me: We made each other happy, unbelievably so, you know that. It just seems best to avoid contact for now.

Her:Okay, if that's what you want. Hurting a bit I guess right now. Missing you a little. Goodnight.

Me: Night J.

WHAT'S going on here!? I'm trying to show that I've moved on, that I don't need her but just the thought of being back together is incredible, despite how she treated the break-up. Did I handle this well?? What'sthe upshot and is she likely to get back in contact considering jealousy element etc??

Really appreciate any thoughts as always guys. X

12-08-2014, 07:32 AM
You handled it perfectly. Move on.

12-08-2014, 08:58 AM
How do you anticipate she's going to feel following the conversation above? Jealous?

12-08-2014, 07:54 PM
Handled perfectly. Are you attached to the outcome? Sounds like you want her back...otherwise you wouldn't care if she was jealous.

12-09-2014, 04:00 AM
I suppose I want her to realise the extent of her mistakes and regret her actions. If I did want her back, what's the upshot of the above?

12-09-2014, 04:43 AM
Even when a woman makes a decision to end things they still want to know that you were unable to casually toss them aside without trying to win them back.
Don't give her the satisfaction. She is toying with you for her own ego stroke. Man up and move on.