View Full Version : getting my ex-wife back & not be friend-zoned

12-01-2014, 05:00 PM
cheers folks,

i read this forum a couple of times in the past & value the advice that is given here. now i'd like to present my own case.
the background:
i'm in my early 30s & married to my wife of six years, been together with her for nearly ten years. we have a 6 year-old daughter. we moved houses four years ago & that new closed-off & horrible environment coupled with me struggling for finding steady employment there threw me into a depression that ate away at everything: my self-esteem, my ambition & my relationship/marriage. we were crazily in love with each other but after four years of me grinding further down that spiral, she said she felt increasingly worn down (in retrospect i really was a cold arsehole at times to her), unhappy & wasn't attracted to me anymore.

the status quo:
we live separated for five months now (our daughter is with her). i have a full time job, i feel way way better psychologically & we both have seen a few others in that time. i actually share an appartment with a friend & former co-worker of my wife who is kind of a shy cutie. i noticed a couple of tentative IOIs she throws at me every now & then. i can imagine getting it on with her, IDK, screwing around with your roomate can end up badly when things go sour, innit?
on the other side, my wife increasingly feels the downsides of being a single parent. she is constantly exhausted & feels overextended. she phones me, let's say, four times a week, mainly to see when i can take our daughter so she has some time off. all the while we saw others, we also gone out a couple of times together & if she's not stressed out too much (i.e. reminded of what the last couple of years with me felt like) i can still seduce her and we can get touchy feely, kiss & have sex.

the proposition:
i want my wife back. i realise that she is the one, d'you know what i mean. i want her to fall in love with me again. now, i know what some guys may think "forget her, f**k around til yer d*ck falls off". it's just that i can't forget her. i wanna make good on those dreams that i once had with her for our future, living happily ever after & all that. on a more intimate level, she gets a straight A in bed. of all the birds i had before & after her, we had the best sexual chemistry. she is always horny, slutty & kinky in just about the right amount & i can give her multiple orgasms. i mean, can ya really fault me here, IDK?

the conundrum:
as i said we regularly have contact. my guess is i need to do two things, please give me yer input whether i'm right: firstly, i need to increase my attraction level, my alpha-male status. up until now i hid the fact i was seeing someone else while she was open about it. funnily enough it is HER who encourages me to f**k my roomate about whom we in the past fantasised doing a threesome with (see above, cue kinky). IDK exactly how to take this coming from her. does she wanna push me romantically out of her life or is she basically screaming at me "be a desirable alpha-male again"?
when we're together i try to be an outgoing, assertive guy and i also tell her how hot she is, make her feel sexual etc. but she has texts & meets other men who likely do the same. so in that department, do i appear needy or disposable?

secondly & more difficult, how do i NC or reduce contact so she can miss me again. she gets angry when she can't reach me via phone & i wanna see my daughter of course. IDK whether i can pull off her wanting me again by simply f**king other birds & presenting myself as that confident me that i was once. i have that fear of being a nostalgic pillow she rests on when she feels down & soon be friend-zoned for good. or are other men she sees rebound relationships until i make the right (non-)move? how realistic is my assessment?