View Full Version : Long distance relationship, breakup, and getting back together?

11-27-2014, 10:14 AM
I want to start by saying thanks for creating such a great forum! Iím a long time lurker, but this is (sadly) my first post, so you have to pardon my poor and maybe incoherent narrative.

Now on to the issue, and i know this is a well covered subject, but i would like your take on my situation.

My now ex-girlfriend got together last June, before she moved to another city to study. The premise was that I would move there and we would keep building from there. The problem I had was that I suffer from extreme anxiety in some situations. In this case it was moving to one of the most expensive cities in Norway, without a job and any real income.

What kept tearing me up, was that this is what I wanted more than anything, but I couldnít get a job, so I felt I couldnít justify moving thereÖand just to top it off, I tore my ACL and had to get a surgery. Then 5 days before my surgery(now 6 weeks ago), she calls (a call I didnít handle to goodÖ) to break up with me on the basis that she couldnít wait any longer and that me always promising to move there, and not following through made her not trust me anymore.

Having spent the night crying, I decided to go, and managed go no contact. When I didnít reply back, she would call my other friends and family to find out. She even got her mother to write and ask me how I was doing. I knew she was behind the message, but my feeling was that the mother hadnít done anything wrong, so I felt replying would be the right thing to do. She kept texting every few days asking how I was doing. I didnít reply.

A few weeks ago, I got a new job at a firm that involves me traveling quite a bit. And I have to go to her city for a 3 day seminar, and she found out from common friends that I would be there. I found out by her, her mother and father texting me and congratulating me on the new job. The ex then followed up by wanting to meet for coffee, I then cracked and wrote back that we probably could, but I would have to see how my schedule would be.

I now have the opportunity to move there in January and keep working, and Iím wondering if I have regained enough of my frame and identity, to try to patch things up with her. I honestly was a shell of myself by the time she broke up, and looking back at it, Iím surprised she lasted that long.

Iíve spent the time after the surgery to get my shit together, as I realize that the breakup is all on me. Iíve been improving my grooming and fashion sense. The new job also gave me a huge confidence boost. Iím taking my diet seriously and have lost over 40+ pounds since she last saw me. The best way I can describe it is that i have re-gained my focus, drive and confidence.