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View Full Version : Gf of 5.5 years and our break up so far



AlphaArron
10-19-2014, 09:46 AM
hi,

I literally just stumbled across this forum and thought I would share my story so far and see what you guys think.

I had been with my gf for over 5 and half years, we met at university where we spent a couple of years together and then moved to seperate loactions about 1.5 to 2 hours away which is how our relationship has been for the last 3 years. To my mind my mind we had an excellent realtionship, although we were limited to weekends we tended to make the most of that time, we always went on dates, did cool things etc. we went on holiday 2 months ago and all seemed rosey. we got back from hols she went away for the weekend with some friends, i rang her when she returned we chatted as normal. lying in bed after the call i text and said is it just me or are things a little flat, to which she responded yeh i feel the same, i think we need to talk about it.

I called to see her the following day and we essentially went on a break, which led to our break up. It has now been 6 weeks. Initally she asked for space and admittedly i did not give her this space at all, for the first 2 weeks I was on her trying to sort it out. It came out of no where for me. Since that point I withdrew for a period of 10 days, where she started to initate some contact, and engaged in a few text convos, but I noticed that she would pick and choose when to contact me, we would be talking and then she would cease the convo then pick it up 24 hours later. A week ago I hit the wall with this behaviour, we were texting back and forth for a couple of hours when she suddenly stopped before continuing the convo 30 odd hours later. I stopped replying.

During this last 4 week period she has texted me numerous times with sentimenal things, sending me pictures of things we liked together, getting upset when I didnt text her straight away on her birthday,wishing me luck with work events, saying she woke up one day and felt really sad and just wanted a hug from me-generally tugging on my heart strings. While she has repeatedly has sent sentimental thoughts, she has never called me, never requested to see me and never out and out said she missed me. Never anything of any substance

This has been a very alien feeing for me, I count myself as a dominant individual in day to day life, good with women, i look after myself,prestigious job, etc etc I guess this is a part of the reason why this felt like such a hammer blow. I felt completlely broken and hapless.

She is 25 and I am 29 and I guess our relationship had reached a point where I wanted us to take the next step, move in together etc. I have been with her since she was 19, she has just started a job she really likes and I can understand some of the reasons for her wanting a break, but it seems crazy to me also, I never stopped her doing anything.

some of the points she raised at various points in the first 2 weeks were these

she needed some time away to realise what she has lost- sounds like bollox to me
she has a sense of relief at the lack of pressure in relation to where the relationship is going
she has up and downs but she is enjoying concentrating on her own things
she felt the passionate love had dropped off

I suggested we meet for dinner and a gig which I had sorted for us before we split next week which she has agreed to but I am starting to question if this is a good idea?

I initally removed her from fb but readded her but hid her from my timeline, its nothing but random guys I dont know liking her pic breaks me, something I never cared about before.

i can't really make sense of her sentimental texts without calling me or suggesting a meet up or actually saying anything substantial, what do you guys think?

I have come to a point where I now realise that while I want her, I don't need her. I don't need anyone that doesn't need me. i think at this point I'm more upset at the loss of something so good than really just wanting her back.

What do you guys think? and what would be your advise going forward?

kapz
11-16-2014, 02:53 PM
Hey mate

i had a read of your post and thought i would share my advice.

First of you guys have been together a longtime 5 years is a long time. You have to ask yourself and her what do you want out of all this. Seems like you both were dating and it has gone exclusive but you don't know how to go about it.

The first thing first is to establish what you both want out of this and here are the following examples.

Open Relationship
Just in it for the sex she can have sex with other people you can have sex with other people you cannot question or ask each other about other partners or get upset.

Exclusive Relationship
Where you both are 100% with each other no other partners or people in the background. All skeletons out of the cupboards. Your friends family everyone knows about you guys and this is the road towards marriage.

Friends
This is where you bemuse just good friends me personally I don't do this as it can get complicated if you meet other people as you might be friends but those feelings will always be there for each other.

Breakup
Go your separate ways she gets on with her life and you get on with your life no contact and no meeting up with each other. I have done this and feels better as there are no complications and no emotional rollercoster.

You have to way out the pro's and the con's of being with this girl and she has to do the same with you then from there you can decide.

You have to remember when in an exclusive relationship it is more to it then just sex. It is getting on with her parents her friends circle and dealing with conflict. A lot of give and take.

Hope this helps.

lt22
11-16-2014, 09:44 PM
When I read stuff like this it just makes me think:
1. She is young still, mid 20's, probably is not ready to settle into something.
2. She met someone more "interesting", you're "boring" because she's been with you 5 years (you aren't really boring, she is just used to you, no excitement, etc.)
3. She needs physical connection that she isn't getting because you don't live near each other anymore
4. She loves you, but isn't IN LOVE with you (seriously can't handle being away from you 5 days in a time after being together for 5 years...) girls in love with you make it super easy for you.
5. You should go cold, find some girl to date and have fun with, she'll come back

AlphaArron
11-30-2014, 10:12 AM
hey guys,

Cheers for the thoughts and insight so far, it been 2.5 months now and we are pretty much in the same position. Its more of the same, I have tried to cut contact but I havent managed it completely yet, though I have reduced contact drastically I have still had some chit chat contact and a couple of heavy convos also. It has just been more of the same, " I really do think we could be right in the future, I honestly do" etc. Yet she has only rung me a couple of times and has yet to suggest a meet up. I know I should take your advise It22 and go cold for a period, but I havent managed it yet. As you say some of the points are reasonable, she is in her mid 20s probably unsure of getting so serious and I can understand that when I think about the situation objectively and rationally.

Anyway, been seeing a girl a little bit, shes great but I was unsure whether to pursue it, she is a really nice girl and I didnt want to mess her about while I was still caught up with my ex. We have gone on 3 or 4 dates now and shes good fun, I guess it doesnt mean it has to be anything serious and I should embrace it as a welcome distraction from what is going on with me ex.

any thoughts, suggestions or similar stories please comment

cheers for listening to my ranting!!

DatingAfter35
11-30-2014, 06:44 PM
I digged you. I had one 9. Regardless of her shit. I can't take her off my mind. But when I realized I don't have the abundance mindset and she might be the best I ever had. I became desperate. Vision for her gone narrower.