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View Full Version : i was the rebound guy. we dated for months, lots of sex and now she left me. advice?



justsomeguy
09-07-2014, 04:20 AM
hi everyone. i'm new here, i'm looking for some advice!

first, i'm not english so please forgive some errors in the words that i'm about to write.

second, i'm not a super experienced pua but i have my numbers. i usually see a couple of fb at time, rotating them every three-four months, i didn't have much problems in seeing new girls, i had some ltr experiences in my life (one three years long, another six years long, the other ones were all under one year) and a good number of fbs. i'd like to hit about 50 girls before settling down, it may seem a low number but for my standard it's right. so, no afc here, except for when i got feelings for a girl. and this is the case, and it's the second in three years and i REALLY like to understand my behaivor and get better in this, because i tend to fuck up.

ok some backstory: this girl comes out from a seven year relationship with a psycho male, he cheated on her multiple times and she was always hoping that someday he would change, they moved to live together for a couple of months and then he cheat again on her and left her. she is literally destroyed. she still have, about one year later, STRONG feelings for him. it's hard for her to face the rejection. i know this girl was only good for sex, but at some time i started to develop feelings for her. now i'm in trouble. here's the situation:

i met this girl about four-five months ago, we started as fuckbuddies and with time, we spent more and more time together. there were sex, a lot of it, and sometimes very kinky sex. there were alcohol and funny things. i was playful and light, and in some ways i was bringing my positivity in the relationship. she felt this thing and feel light and serene. at a certain point i could tell that she was about to fall for me. i felt the control of the situation.
in the meantime i didn't fuck other women and didn't really searched for new ones: i was satisfied.

during these months i told her that i didn't felt the instinct of going out and search for other fuckbuddies, because it didn't seem right at the time for me. i meant it in a very alpha way: i have at least a couple of ex fb that text me almost daily practically begging me for sex (but i'm no more interested in them). sometimes i talked to her about these ex-fuckbuddies, especially when they were really annoying (keep sending messages and so on).

in the time frame we spent together i acted almost like a boyfriend, i was sincerely enjoying the relationship without too much thinking. i just wanted to chill a little with this nice girl.
she was cool, she liked sex, she treated me like a fuckbuddy but she often (very often) slept all night hugging me, she was affectionate without being too lovely. it was right for me.

she was ironical, and she always "joked" about me being unavailable because she thought i was with another girl. she always said that the thing didn't bothered her and i was a little skeptical about this one. i mean, if you really like a person you don't accept so lightly the fact that he could go with other women. maybe that's what her subconscious wanted.

i didn't did things beta males do, if i did something for her it was clear that it was my intention and not some form of pathetic gift to have her acceptance (btw, i didn't really gifted nothing to her, i just paid for a little vacation together. not much money.)

she was awkward about this thing. it was like she couldn't accept good things that i did for her. she was clearly incapable of enjoying honestly good things. this is a big red flag for me.

anyway, time passes by and at a certain point i feel less desired, i felt that she was irritated by myself, the sex is becoming bland and more scarce and i get a strong feeling of closing the relationship and go searching new girls.

not much more days later she left me. i was shocked, because i didn't honestly expected this move, and i was very sorry. it's true, you don't value things until you lose it.
(and you do fuck up if you don't play well your card and maintain control of the relationship)

anyway, we were at my place, about to get sex and she bring out this thing that in her mind there is still the presence of her ex and she like to be alone because it huts so much to live with the pain. she said all the standard things, that i'm a beautiful person and she didn't want to lose me, i told her that i can't do anything about her feelings for her ex and she must work this out by herself, and maybe one day we'll see each other under some new form. i tell her that i don't wanna be friend with a girl that i don't fuck, now, just to be clear, i'm not a perfect pua, it was very painful and i cried too. we slept together, in the morning she was crying again, i bring her to her house and said goodbye.

then, the day later she sent some texts about how i feel. i reply simply "fine".
the next day another text. again some short reply.
then i wrote her that we'll text again in some days, because it was not the right time. the tone of the message was very distant and you could read my pain.

it's been a VERY hard week. i think of her constantly but i don't wanna fuck up this. i want to get her back. anyway, a few days later i've tried to send some light, playful text and she responded well, but not immediately (sometimes HOURS later). i told her that i was better an we could see each other again in the next week and apparently it was ok for her.

after the last message about one day ago i didn't write to her anymore.

so, no contact. or at least i'm waiting her to contact me.

i'm sure that she's struggling for her ex boyfriend and in some sense it comforts me: at least it's not a "new" guy, chances are that he reappeared in the picture, but he'll likely hurt her again and maybe she'll crawl back to me, if i give her the needed time. maybe. if i act well. so, i need a plan.

what should i do?
keep things light? disappear completely?
what if she ask to see me?

she liked me because i was the light an cheerful guy and gave her lots of sex. so maybe i should be that guy again. but right now she sees me as sexless, i've acted too beta in the later days. i don't know how to re-ignite attraction at this point.

in the meantime i'll start to see new girls, but right now i feel down and i don't like the idea. i recontacted a girl that i saw last year and maybe i'll get a bit of sex, just to get my "ex" out of my mind and don't seem desperate. i have a couple of other games in development, and i'll see how they go. doing tons of sport in these days because it makes me feel better.

please, lead me on the right way. one last thing: don't tell me to move on, i'm here because i WANT to get better in this situations. chances are that i meet this type of woman again in my life and i wanna learn to handle this well. thank you!

lassebauer
09-10-2014, 03:31 AM
Sounds like she is unable to be with someone who actually treats her well.
As absurd as it sounds, a lot of people cannot deal with relationships that actually work.
If she is convinced that she deserves a psycho, then THATīS what she will be looking for and get.
Anything else will feel "wrong" in her world.
She is USED to the drama, rejection, selling herself as a sex kitten and being disrespected. Itīs what she knows, itīs what she feels COMFORTABLE with.
You seem to represent something else: Someone who actually likes her and wants her company.
From outsiders that would be a good thing, but I am pretty sure itīs a bad thing in her world: Peace, calm and "good guys" scare her, for the reasons stated above (i.e. what she thinks she deserves).
You feel sorry for her, because she was the victim in a bad relationship.
I be the real story is, that she feels more comfortable with a psycho who cheats on her, than with a "normal" guy.

My bet is, that even if you ended up with her again, she would soon run screaming out the door, searching for that drama that she believes she deserves and knows.

So ask yourself if you just lost "the one" - or dodged a bullet.