PDA

View Full Version : I did the terrible and need help fast.



Mand9584
08-04-2014, 01:36 AM
While away on my trip for 2 1/2 months I broke up with my ex gf who had be secretly seeing someone behind my back, ignoring me and taking me for granted. So I ended it with her found out she was doing BS behind my back. Hence this is a (LDR WA/NC) thing. So during my trip she emailed me saying she's changed and wants to still know me or meet and talk. i messed up here and responded to the email saying we can meet for coffee as on Thursday because I'm here till Friday.

What I think I should of said was.. You didn't offer your time when I wanted it before and I don't want to meet with her... Is it lame to email her back and say sorry I think it's best we don't meet because I changed my mind. I never want to see her again.

Please help: I really shouldn't have responded to this email.

Mand9584
08-04-2014, 01:52 AM
I feel like I lost my frame by offering my time after I been away broken up for 2 1/2 months. I already broke up with her and I'm a different person now and had risen to the next level. I feel like a new person and don't want her in my life anymore. Sucks that I emailed her but I need to email her again and say I can't. I threw myself in the black hole. Again please help!

Snupas
08-04-2014, 02:25 AM
bud you overstressing, overanalysing this entire situation, if you don't want to see her then send her an e-mail saying that your plans changed and you wont be able to see her as simple as that no need to stress or worry about it.
it seems you just need a validation from someone here to tell you what to do in this situation that's all.
On another hand I would have actually gone to see her and hear what she got to say . meeting her doesn't mean you have to go back together , it doesn't lower your value in her eyes as she offered the meet up(since she did it it actually lowers her value as she wants you back and you didn't really say anything about wanting her back)

Mand9584
08-04-2014, 02:45 AM
Thanks man, while I have the opportunity to do this I actually thought about meeting and explain to her again that I've moved on and become a different person and do not want to see her. I think she didn't get it the first time. I'm not sure what's best. I'll see what her response is and make a decision then. However if she is unavailable the day I mentioned then I would say... plans changed and I wont be able to. But she'll probably keep reaching me. Maybe meeting will validate things and being clearer this time.


bud you overstressing, overanalysing this entire situation, if you don't want to see her then send her an e-mail saying that your plans changed and you wont be able to see her as simple as that no need to stress or worry about it.
it seems you just need a validation from someone here to tell you what to do in this situation that's all.
On another hand I would have actually gone to see her and hear what she got to say . meeting her doesn't mean you have to go back together , it doesn't lower your value in her eyes as she offered the meet up(since she did it it actually lowers her value as she wants you back and you didn't really say anything about wanting her back)

Snupas
08-04-2014, 03:08 AM
I wouldn't explain anything to her I would just hear out what she got to say and then if I liked what she said I would stay on and talk if I didn't like what she has to offer I would make an excuse to leave .Just remember people who moved on don't explain themselves .
since she is reaching out for you , you have the power and not her !!!

lassebauer
08-04-2014, 05:03 AM
IMO Snupas is right on the money.
If youīve TRULY moved on (which I perfectly understand if you havenīt fully), itīs not a big deal.
The challenge probably is, that you havenīt moved on completely, and youīre afraid she might find the "holes in your armor" and exploit them.
A friend once gave me this great line for an ex who suddenly reengages:
"Thanks for contacting me. But I canīt help wondering why you are telling me this..?".
In other words: WHY is she suddenly contacting you? For comfort? Back to what she knows to fill up her tank, and then move on again (which is a very possible option)?
Does she REALLY want to work on things? And if so; why the change of heart?
IMO you need to make DAMN SURE that she isnīt just offering you silly, meaningless crumbs - and that she TRULY has something to offer.
Otherwise youīre in for another trip thru the meatgrinder.

Mand9584
08-04-2014, 02:47 PM
To be civil about this maybe I should meet with her again and reiterate what I want and that's not to be with her?


IMO Snupas is right on the money.
If youīve TRULY moved on (which I perfectly understand if you havenīt fully), itīs not a big deal.
The challenge probably is, that you havenīt moved on completely, and youīre afraid she might find the "holes in your armor" and exploit them.
A friend once gave me this great line for an ex who suddenly reengages:
"Thanks for contacting me. But I canīt help wondering why you are telling me this..?".
In other words: WHY is she suddenly contacting you? For comfort? Back to what she knows to fill up her tank, and then move on again (which is a very possible option)?
Does she REALLY want to work on things? And if so; why the change of heart?
IMO you need to make DAMN SURE that she isnīt just offering you silly, meaningless crumbs - and that she TRULY has something to offer.
Otherwise youīre in for another trip thru the meatgrinder.

Mand9584
08-04-2014, 05:49 PM
I bailed and told her plans changed and I couldn't meet with her, and be well.