View Full Version : A strange 7 months, but she is the one. How I'm trying to gain her back.

07-30-2014, 03:19 AM
Hi everybody.

A small history:

4 years ago, I went travelling for 4 months. My gf at the time didnt wanna come along with me. She cheated on me with my best friend. The brother I never had.

1 year ago, my ex gf broke up with me.

7 months ago i got to know my current (ex) gf.

Last thursday she broke up with me which brings me here.

- 1st (januari) month of our relationship was good. We got to know eachother.

- 2nd and 3rd (feb m) months werent good at all. I still had issues with the last brake up, and didnt want to get hurt again (now i see that, at the time i didnt). I used weed and alcohol at the time (lots of weed, some alcohol), but she never really noticed. She knew i used some though, and sometimes we drank and smoked together. One time I fell asleep while high, even tho we had a date. She was very hurt by that and i never let that happen again.

- 4th and 5th (apr may) months were good. I quit with weed, cut even more alcohol out of my life, and quit smoking sigarets. I opened up my heart and started to show her my vurnarable side. Before this period started we had a discussion on the phone. I was drunk. She didnt know, still doesnt know. Again she was very hurt. But these two months went well, and then...

- 6th month, I went travelling, for 6 weeks (left at the end of may). This was planned before i met her. Awfull timing. I told her she wouldnt really hear a lot from me (I went to Iran, all the stans, and mongolia. I wanted this for myself, and executed this plan.

- 7th month. When i got back (two weeks ago), she told me that she really didnt like the silence. She felt left alone, even more so when her friends asked her about me. And when she told me that it hurt her, the fact that she had to say:"i dont know how he is doing.", I yet again raised my defences, wanted to be invulnerable and told her it was her own fault.
A few days later we had a discussion about the future. I told her I didnt wanted to have a regular house with kids and a family. She did want this (Me as well uffcourse, but I need some kind of adventure mixed into it, somthing i never told her untill the letter from last sunday)
The week after I got drunk and ignored her when we had a fight.
Naturally, last thursday she broke up.
I'm amazed she was with me for so long.
How could she not break up. I've acted horrible.

Which brings us to now. How did the break up go:

Thursday she came by and broke up with me. We talked for a bit, I started crying, and asked her to leave.

Friday she called me, and said she wanted to talk to me after the weekend. I had to give her some time which I did. I called with everyone I could imagine. My own friends and family gave me good insights on where I went wrong. Not in the relationship, but for myself. I suddenly saw how much she tried, opened her heart, and me being a jerk. I suddenly realised why I had this wall of invurnerability around my heart.

I really REALLY came to my sences. I've been very selfish. I have learned a lesson about myself which I have been carrying with me for years (starting with the ex who cheated on me with my best friend), without me knowing. It did cost me my relationship.

The letter. Contact again

So sunday evening I wrote her a letter. Verry open, (no begging) to tell her that I came to my sences (I did not specify any details), that I wanted a life with kids and a house (I did not say together with her, but naturally this is what i want), that I was wrong, that I wanted to meet her to give some extra words with the letter (to specify the details), and that wathever will happen between the two of us: everything will be allright.

She responded (monday) that she really appreciated those kind words, and that she would like to meet and talk things over later this week.
I again responded that I had a weekend of reconciliation, I talked to friends and family, I very much would like to see her this week, and wont stop fighting.

Today she texted me like she was talking to a friend, if it would be possible to meet her tomorrow.

that was it.

So I'll see her tomorrow, thursday, one week after the break up. I've got a lot of stuff prepared. I want to throw everything into the heat. No begging, because that doesnt work right? But even home made graphics, drawings, words, and other things to show her that I was wrong indeed, and I've learned from not just this relationship, but from years passed.
I am sober
I am becoming myself again, after a rough few years
I am going to have that wonderfull life with a family
I want it to be with her.

We had a lot of turbulence, but she is the mother of my future children. Her friends told me she looked pretty sure about the break up, so I'm asking you all kindly:

What can I do?

07-31-2014, 07:20 AM
"We had a lot of turbulence, but she is the mother of my future children."
This sentence is one that you need to take a very hard look at.
Having dreams, hope and plans for the future is great.
Living in a future fantasy world, and forgetting the present issues - possibly even overlooking some red flags along the way - is a recipe for disaster.
First you need perspective (possibly distance) to look at WHAT IS - not what CAN BE or should be.
THEN you can fix things.
Itīs a longer talk than this - and like I said in the other thread; THIS: http://www.lovesystems.com/breakup-guide/ is a very good place to start for you.