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View Full Version : Ex girlfriend is still in love with you?



Duffyc
07-18-2014, 12:28 PM
My ex & I split up 2nd months ago, we've been together for over 2 years have a 2 year old daughter together. Within a couple weeks of breaking up, she is on the rebound. I stayed low contact for awhile (long enough to work on myself & not think about the breakup too much. She is touchy feely with me when we see each other when picking up or dropping off our daughter (extra long hugs, kisses on the cheek, always swats mosquitos off of me) and she always offers to do little things for me, and drive me places, are these signs she is still interested? She is still with her rebound boyfriend.

lassebauer
07-18-2014, 12:38 PM
"Sheīs still with her rebound boyfriend".
To me that says everything that needs to be said.
Sounds like she has anything from second thoughts, to what I call "camping in the backyard"; just like we did as kids: We wanted to be free and independent, but also needed the safety of mom and dad, so we could get some pie and use the bathroom if need be. In other words, it sounds like she wants to keep you around while she explores other venues.
At any rate itīs up to YOU if her interest in you - while being with another man - works for you or not.
Boundaries, perhaps?

Duffyc
07-18-2014, 12:54 PM
I had the boundar talk with her after I found out about her rebound, after awhile it seems to have faded away, completely different experience than I'm used to being in because we have a kid together & I can't cut off all contact with her.

Duffyc
07-18-2014, 01:10 PM
I don't want to come off as a jerk as I would like to see if there is any chance of a reconciliation for us but I also don't want to do anything that might.harm our relationship with our daughter and us being on the same page raising our daughter.

lassebauer
07-18-2014, 02:48 PM
When I talk about boundaries, I donīt mean "cut off all contact" - not at all.
Especially since you co-parent, itīs essential that you are able to work together and have an - at least - civil relationship.
I am talking about what you want and allow when it comes to your romantic relationship.
Maybe you can reconcile, maybe not - that depends on several factors, including if youīre both interested in that.
My point is that you donīt reward bad behavior, or you just get more bad behavior. So I suggest you think about how intimate you want to be with your ex while she ALSO has another man.
Iīm not saying she is flirting with malice or in bad faith - I AM saying that she is doing what works for HER, and that itīs up to you to decide if you think itīs working for YOU.

Some might say you should just "steal her back" from the other guy.
My advice is to SHOW her, that youīre a good exBF, a great dad - and that IF you two are going to get back together, it wonīt be with you as the fallback plan.

You probably need to start DATING her again, but first you need to TRULY figure out EXACTLY what went wrong in the relationship, own your own shit - and try to fix it.
Otherwise you wonīt be able to build a strong platform for a good relationship.

Thereīs a lot more to it than this, more than I can get into now. These are just the headlines.
Hope this helps just a bit :)

Duffyc
07-18-2014, 05:44 PM
It absolutely helps man, I appreciate it. Since the breakup I've just been working on being a better dad & trying to figure out what went wrong in the relationship. Whether we got back together or not wasn't in my thought process for the 1st month or so. My goal was find the problem & fix what I can, let go of what I can't control, and try to be a better person because whether it's with her or another woman, I need to be at my best. I really like your point of NOT trying to steal her back. That sounds like it falls into the tricks, & manipulation tactics that some use to get their exes back. If we are to give it another shot, I know it has to be built on a solid foundation just like you said.