View Full Version : Horrible breakup/depressed, using no contact rule

07-13-2014, 05:08 PM
I want feedback not comments "like grow some balls etc." I was in a relationship for about two years I'm in my late twenties and my ex gf is 30. Things went well at first then the last few months we argued and fought over dumb things and it spiraled into a living hell. I know we loved each other but it got crazy. Then one day she said that's it. I have read things about the no contact rule and Neither one of us has tried to make contact for about six weeks so far. Its real tough not to cave. She just had a birthday the other day and I didn't wish her a happy bday or anything. Yet one of my friends showed me she already made a plenty of fish account. How can she do something like that after 2 years of a relationship, not even 2 months after and she is making accounts like that? it makes me feel like crap deep down inside and it hurts. knowing shes already looking for dating right after the breakup. Part of me wants her back but knowing she made an account like that just makes me sick!!

07-13-2014, 05:58 PM
Six weeks NC is nothing. I had a 2 year relationship then break up, 1st week of January, last time I saw her. We just had sex Friday night. Now she's texting me like everything's cool. It kind of is, because I don't care anymore. It's the only reason it happened.

Some guys here don't agree with NC. I do, shit, I was doing it for 14 years before I found out what it was on this site.

Don't know how you do with the ladies but I recommend you start seeing other ones. As long as you're good at her NOT finding out, for now. It's just the best way to keep your mind off her which should/can make her start thinking about you.

07-13-2014, 06:02 PM
I agree man, but she is already on plenty of fish 6 weeks after we broke up? that disturbs me

07-13-2014, 06:05 PM
I'm sure. How bad was the period before the breakup ?

07-13-2014, 07:51 PM
A lot of the reasons why women make online accounts is for validation, not necessarily for dating. Once you make a POF account as a woman, you get tons of messages from random guys saying how hot you are/let's meet, etc. She may not even respond to most of them, or respond to a few to feed her ego. For a woman, it's a way to get over a bad breakup and remind herself that there are other guys out there who want to be with her. If I broke up with someone, I would probably do the same. She needs to integrate back into the real world and this is step 1. (Btw, women who sign up for POF are there for validation... women who are actually looking for relationships are more likely to sign up for paid sites like match, or slightly more reputable places like okcupid).

So what do you do now? She's begun her healing process and you should do the same. Everyone handles this differently. For her it's validation from guys. You need to find you own way to recover from this. I suggest exercise, working harder at your school/job, hanging out with friends, and if you're ready, meeting up with women (just don't jump into a relationship right away, you gotta learn how to be happy by yourself first). Remember that being alone does not mean being lonely, and it's better than being in a crappy relationship that makes you miserable. Write a list of all the things that were wrong with your relationship and refer to it every time to start to miss your ex. In the meantime, cut all contact and fight the temptation to look her up online. It will only prolong your healing period. Out of sight, out of mind.


07-14-2014, 01:37 AM
I agree rogue, but I want her back

07-14-2014, 07:56 PM
Why do you want her back? You said your last few months together were "living hell." If you do manage to get her back, what's gonna keep the relationship from spiraling back into that same hell? Has anything changed that will suddenly make you more compatible? Or do you just miss her because this is the last relationship you've had, you're still full of emotion, and you don't know if you're capable of meeting another girl of her caliber? This is why people recommend NC -- to give yourself enough time to get over all those feelings and objectively see your ex for who she is. At that point, if you still want to be with her, you can contact her and see if anything's there. Personally, I think that once people break up, if the conflict isn't resolvable in a short time frame, it's better to move on altogether and not fall into the same trap again.


07-15-2014, 10:13 AM
I agree with you Rogue. But I slept there almost every night for two years. I'ts a complete shock to just change my life and im depressed right now. I'm hoping she contacts me but she hasn't in 6 weeeks. I have no confidence to try to hit on other woman right now. Also she is on plenty of fish, should I make one I don't want her to see me on there?

07-15-2014, 02:41 PM
You have all the answers you need. If she hit you up today to get back together, shit would probably go back to being shitty in about a month. With my exes I would always only be concerned with getting them back and that was it. No improvement on my end. They all came back but NONE of them worked out in the end. This site put all those experiences together for me.

There's nothing you can do right now except disappear. You're doing better than you think.

07-15-2014, 03:12 PM
Yeah man, I am doing good not contacting her but just the thought of her fucking another guy in like a couple months or something makes me sick. then if she comes back to me its like how can i take her after that?

07-15-2014, 03:33 PM
I really just have a problem with the face that she made a plenty of fish account a month after a breakup of a 2 year relationship....

07-27-2014, 01:26 PM
My girl broke up with me about 60 days ago. Since that happened neither one of us has contacted the other one. I noticed she is on plenty of fish a month after the breakup. I have come so close to caving and contacting her but I haven't. I have read so many articles on disappearing/no contact and they will chase after you. It doesn't seem to be working, 60 days in and still nothing..........

07-27-2014, 02:56 PM
Depends on what happened before of course, otherwise you would've 100 of girls chasing you..

08-01-2014, 10:58 PM
I feel you buddy. My ex and I had awesome sex, and when she broke up with me last thursday, she said:"things will get better." I replied:"yeah except for the sex :-) ", and then her look wondered away, all dreamy and said:"whow imagine the sex will get better as well."

This instantly gave me mental pictures of other guys sleeping with her, even though I could take it a sa compliment. I bursted into tears.

08-01-2014, 11:00 PM
No contact rule... OK, fair enough, but EX2 says it should be roughly 3-4 weeks before I MYSELF initiate contact, and on these forums I read other things. On here people says it should be a few months.. Its all so contradictory.

08-02-2014, 08:04 PM
Why does your "friend" feel the need for you to know what she's up to? That doesn't help in moving on.

08-19-2014, 01:32 PM
My ex gf and I were both in our late twenties. Two months ago she broke up with me because we started fighting a lot and name calling, constant war and jealousy on both parts. I read about the no contact rule and two months went by without anything from us. The other day I got drunk with friends and started calling her. The next day she answered and she was still very hostile, calling me a loser and saying shes glad she left me. I thought the no contact rule was supposed to rid of those feelings and start the bonding process again. Since I broke the NC rule i feel like **** again and keep thinking about her but she won't respond to me. So tough to stay in a positive state of mind

08-30-2014, 03:53 AM
Why do you want her back?

Imho it appears to me that you simply require validation from her because she was the focus of your life for two years and her opinion is all that matters to you.

She is seeking validation from fresh sources via POF, you are seeking yours from an old (faulty) source.

Takes Rogue's advice my friend and realise it's short term pain (going NC and knowing she's on POF) for long term gain (new gf who respects you and your space and invests in both).

Accept it's over, forgive both her and yourself for shortcomings and move on to bigger and better things.