View Full Version : does he like me as more then a friend? (im really shy he is kind of shy)

07-07-2014, 09:10 PM
Im sorry this is going to be long but i want to include everything. So i really like a guy friend of mine (we have known each other for about a year and we are both kind of shy) and I have TOLD him I may like him as more then a friend, in response he told me he didn't quite feel the same way and that he was sorry and that if I wanted to know he doesn't like anyone else he also complemented me saying I was fun to be around smart relaxed caring and kind. Since I have told him though he has been giving me mixed signals on how he feels about me. Examples; he has asked me to coffee 7 times ice cream once lunch once as well as to the fair with him he even went to a country music concert with me and two of my friends (he doesn't listen to country music) (all were just the 2 of us except the concert but he never paid for any of it which I don't mind) we have also gone to the movies 5 times with 2 mutual friends, on the first coffee 'date' he asked when I would be interested in dating and so on. He drove on our first coffee 'date' and i drove on the fourth one however when i drove he had left his wallet in his truck and asked if we could stop and grab it and i said that was fine or i could just pay he said he would rather stop and get it and i said that was fine but i really didnt mind and he said the man in him minded (we both drove from the school not each others houses the other times we hung out we either met or walked together from school also when we went for ice cream we hung out till after midnight) he has also offered to pick me up twice (from my house), opens all doors for me and walks beside or behind me. The first time I met his mom she knew my name before I even introduced myself I also know I came up in a conversation with him and his dad and his dad said if you like a girl you should get to know her better by asking her to go somewhere by yourselves without her friends to see the type of girl she really is (he told this to our mutual friend who told me. This was 2 days before are first coffee "date "), he also comes to school really early (about 1 1/2 hours early) to talk to me and sits about 3 inches away from me and often taps my arm or leg to get my attention when we are talking he looks into my eyes for a couple of seconds then looks away also when we are sitting across from one another we sometimes play 'footsie' however he always starts it but never moves his leg away from mine but apologies when I move mine away also when we are in the same room he is often positioned in a way he can see me (this is rare though cause he almost always leaves his friends or whatever he is doing to come over and talk to me). He also takes my side and stands up for me in arguments and has told me if I ever want to know something to just ask him and he would tell me the truth (he told me this well we were walking around by ourselves which we often do(usually for 30-45 minutes at a time)) his feet are usually pointed in my direction even if he is beside me and his body seem 'open' to me. He is always smiling when im around and he teases me about my height every now and then but he is always complementing me by saying im smart kind caring, amazing he even once said I would make a great wife and whoever gets to marry me will be one lucky man. He is always concerned about me and my feelings and seems to always be looking out for me. I also forgot to mention he often is late to class because he stays and talks to me and has even skipped class twice to stay and talk to me (when he doesn't skip he sometimes goes on 'bathroom' breaks to come and say hi and talk for a few minutes and when we pass in the hallway he just smiles and says hi) also a few weeks ago he had to leave school early but he said he would be back in about an hour, well he did come back but it was to tell me he was going BACK home and to have a good weekend (he lives 15 minutes from the school) the only doubts I have are he never texts me first but usually texts me back (he has even told me im the only one worth texting back), he never actually calls us hanging out 'dates' but rather says do you want to hang out and grab ice cream or coffee or something, he never hugs me or anything just taps me on me leg or arm or places his leg/foot near mine so the are touching my biggest doubt is because he said he didn't feel quite the same way (he said that before all of this happened though) however my gut,all my friends and 'half the school' says he likes me. Also to let you know I have asked him to grab coffee a couple of times and he has gone every time I asked except once when he had a legitimate reason and said he felt bad that he couldn't but he asked if the next day or some other day worked. As for another girl liking him, there was one of his friends as well as one of mine who told him the liked him however he said to both of them he only liked them as friends and nothing more (he doesn't really even talk to them anymore) (that is ALL he said) (I was sitting right next to him when he said this) however when I told him I liked him about a month or so ago (before all of are 'dates' and stuff) he said he didn't feel quite the same way and that he was sorry and im smart kind caring and fun to be around. And I don't think shy was the best word for me to use before but rather cautious would be more accurate, he seems really cautious around me im assuming though thats because of what happened between him and his ex girlfriend from 2 years ago and he wants to make sure I wouldn't do the same thing (he hasn't dated for those 2 years)|he also said he stil wanted to keep up and hang out over summer vacation|Does he actually like me or are we just friends" (Sorry about the length)

07-07-2014, 11:48 PM
It's impossible to tell from this, with 100% certainty, if he likes you as more than a friend. At some point you just have to take a chance, as this shy guy probably wont. And while you agreed to not seek help to get any specific girl (or guy), I will give you the following advice:

Don't apologize for the length of your post, apologize for the lack of paragraphs. Many people will hesitate to even start reading a wall of text like that.

Don't talk logically about feelings and ask questions like "do you like me more than just a friend". It's awkward and you will rarely get an honest answer, not even from a guy. Especially not from a shy guy, he will say "no" of exactly the same reasons that he will hesitate to kiss you, even if he is in to you.

Stop worrying whether he likes you. All you need to know is that you like him. If you are sure that you do, then invite him to kiss you, or just kiss him. Noooo, not with words! But next time the two of you are alone, just stop talking, get a bit closer, keep eye contact with him, look at his lips and back into his eyes. If he doesn't kiss you by now, but he doesn't walk away or turn away either, then kiss him.

Be really sure that you trust the guy though. And if you kiss this guy first, a place where you are REALLY alone, like back at your place with your parents not home, then there's a high probability that he will try to have sex with you right there and then. If you are not ready for that (you seem very inexperienced, but I assume that you are at least 18 since you are in here) then make sure to go for the kiss a place that is only semi-private.

And I would like to hear if TheRogue or another woman would like to pitch in here before you listen to the advice from at "pua". I feel this is a bit of a Wolf watching the sheep kind of situation.

07-08-2014, 09:39 PM
Reading this, two possibilities jump out at me:

1.) Are you sure he is not gay? What are his views on sex and women? The way he rejects all the girls who like him while still hanging out with them suggests to me that something is not quite right here. Either he was raised in a very closed environment and has feelings of shame/guilt about sex, or he simply isn't attracted to women. Do you know if he has ever done something sexual with his ex?

2.) The other possibility is that he's not physically attracted to you, but likes your personality. Society already bombards women with the whole "looks are important" thing, so I don't want to spend too much time on this, but improving your looks is the best way to quickly increase the number of men who are attracted to you. Most men won't say "no" to a sexually attractive woman, unless #1 above is true (or they're surrounded by attractive women and are looking for the full package only).

Either way, it sounds from your post like you're just friends right now. Shy or not, if this guy were sexually attracted to you, he would have made a move by now. The best thing you can do is friend zone him in your mind, work on yourself, and start dating other men. If he does like you, he'll make a move once he sees you drifting away.