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View Full Version : First date, nervous wreck, heres what happened, please help.



beastin46
01-15-2014, 11:34 AM
To begin with, this probably long, but you will probably enjoy reading this, its a good story to read, pretty bad to experience lol so here it goes, any help is appreciated.

I met this girl through an online dating site which I joined out of boredom, apparently she did the same. She messaged with me with a “smile” and initiated first contact. After talking for a day, she gave me her number. She seemed pretty interested. So we texted for a few days and got to know each other pretty well. She would text me every morning with a “smile” and “good morning” and ask me what I was up to. So we got to know each other further and found some things in common. After about 4 days of consistent texting, she said she wanted to see me before I went back to school. (Which is about 40 mins away. We live about 15 mins apart from each other.) She told me she liked Japanese, so I suggested sushi and she suggested Tuesday, but I agree and don’t give her a time until Sunday night. She asked to move it up by an hour and I say it’s cool. So we text here and there until Tuesday. She seemed pretty excited

So here comes Tuesday night, she texts me asking me if we’re still good for the night. I say yea and we end up meeting. I show up 10 mins late, and she asks me to meet her by the door. So I go up to the door and go in for her a hug, which may have felt awkward. We walk in and get seated. We talk a little and comment on the restaurant for little. Then order, and talk a little. She seemed a little nervous as she was rubbing her arms and wrist. My anxiety starts kicking in. I become pretty nervous. I kept looking around the restaurant. She pretty much asked me most questions. I basically answered and returned the question. I told her eating would be a challenge as chop sticks were not my thing. She tried teaching me, and we made a jokes and laughed here and there. I felt pretty beta though which sucked. As I’m not normally like that.

So after we eat I ask her if she’s doing anything later that night, and suggest we go see a movie. She told me if I wanted to, sure. So check comes, she fiddles through her purse and I tell her I got, and pay. I tell her to let me drive her, and that I would drop her back off at her car. And she agrees. She asks me a questions during the drive. I act like I don’t know where I’m going, and ask her for directions. I end up hitting like 100mph, as she told she liked speed earlier.

So once we got to the movies. We hadn’t really noticed that we forgot the movie times. We planned on watching wolf of wall street, but settled for the hobbit, since the timing was more convenient. She noted she liked the smell of popcorn, so I suggest to buy her popcorn and a drink, she kind of says she didn’t really want any. I told her I’ll bring the smell to the movie. She commented on the high prices too. So we get to the movie, and there’s no one there for like 20 mins. We comment on the trailers and talk for a little. Then a few guys show up.

So then the movie starts, and our conversation dies down, BUT I realized a few signs I guess. I went to the bathroom like 3 times, as I had a pre-workout earlier in the day and the diuretic kicked in. So at first she seemed a little nervous during the movie, and began to get a little comfortable. After the first bathroom visit, I sat for a little, and realized that she moved her hair away from neck, almost like a way for me to look at her. I also noticed she looked my way a few times, stealing glances. Second bathroom visit when I came back she had her arms crossed, but took a glance or two at me, after the third bathroom visit, I came back and seemed like she got very comfortable, with her feet up. Later on she tells me her butt hurts. Every time I looked at her she would look at me quickly. So movie ends, and we walk down back to my car.

I wait for my car to defog and warm up for a little. We talk a little in the car. She asks me about when I have to go back to school. And I tell her towards the end of the week. She looks at me while talking to me during the drive. I get to her car, and AMY ANXIETY SKYROCKETS. After I park the car, she looks at me and says she had a good time, but it sucks that I have to go back to school. She pauses for a little. I try to avoid eye contact, and she goes in all the way across my car for a kiss on the cheek, and tells me shed text me. As she walks out I look outside my window. Wit a moment till she gets to her car, and put my car in reverse and go pretty fast.

I feel like she must have felt rejected. As I was pretty dry and a nervous wreck inside, I didn’t really show it I guess, but not sure. Was she interested? What did the kiss mean? What should I do to recover from this?

I really want to learn from this experience, so if anyone can break down the date into what each thing really meant it’d be great.

Roshi
01-16-2014, 12:30 PM
okay
first thing that I noticedwas this "let me do xyz for you"
Chivalry is big but you're not her supplier. It doesn't make her feel more comfortable or attracted when you pay for her shit.
Also it must have felt really awkward for her the way you behaved most of the time. I can't tell for sure, but I'd say she feels like she didn't qualify enough. Also it seems as if she wanted to build up comfort ("my butt hurts") - whixh stems from an awkward vibe or let's just say: her wanting to get closer to you. Don't become her supplier-chode. Do NOT.
Do it from time to time - there's no dogma on this one. It's better to pay for her from time to time than comingoff like a machine (that won't buy her anything no matter what)

I'd either confess being nervous - 'cause "I don't usually meet people that way, so I wasn't sure if you are some weirdo in the end....But! ...you passed my intial test. I'm going for a quick tour through some clothing stores, why don't you join me and we can go window shopping and we can make it our quest to find popcorn perfume."

something like this.
or
date MORE CHICKS and take her slow, write butdon't telegraph too much interest ince apart from confessing your nervosity the only other option I see is playing on her feeling of being rejected. If you wanna play it like you were holding back because you are simply not needy - then you have to stay calm otherwise it would not seem congruent.

That's as much as I can say, I'm not a pro but maybe this will bump your thread and make theother answers roll in. have fun bro

Simson
01-16-2014, 01:00 PM
Why such a long (and mostly boring) text?
If you want to see her again, do exactly as you have done for the first meeting. Confess your nervousness, take your balls and be more physical next time.
You got your mistakes right and I mostly agree with Roshi, except for one thing: paying for her can indeed make you more attractive (the provider is every chicks second choice), but I don't think that this is something you want to be going for on the long-term. Focus more on yourself and less on the girl.
Anyway, you have to be active with her. Leaning over for a kiss is already a lot of invest for her, if you don't do the next steps she will probably not be interested.

beastin46
01-16-2014, 02:05 PM
okay
first thing that I noticedwas this "let me do xyz for you"
Chivalry is big but you're not her supplier. It doesn't make her feel more comfortable or attracted when you pay for her shit.
Also it must have felt really awkward for her the way you behaved most of the time. I can't tell for sure, but I'd say she feels like she didn't qualify enough. Also it seems as if she wanted to build up comfort ("my butt hurts") - whixh stems from an awkward vibe or let's just say: her wanting to get closer to you. Don't become her supplier-chode. Do NOT.
Do it from time to time - there's no dogma on this one. It's better to pay for her from time to time than comingoff like a machine (that won't buy her anything no matter what)

I'd either confess being nervous - 'cause "I don't usually meet people that way, so I wasn't sure if you are some weirdo in the end....But! ...you passed my intial test. I'm going for a quick tour through some clothing stores, why don't you join me and we can go window shopping and we can make it our quest to find popcorn perfume."

something like this.
or
date MORE CHICKS and take her slow, write butdon't telegraph too much interest ince apart from confessing your nervosity the only other option I see is playing on her feeling of being rejected. If you wanna play it like you were holding back because you are simply not needy - then you have to stay calm otherwise it would not seem congruent.

That's as much as I can say, I'm not a pro but maybe this will bump your thread and make theother answers roll in. have fun bro

Okay so I should paying for everything.

Which option do you think is best, wait for her to text me, thinking that eventually event though she felt rejected she would text me. Or should I text her assuring her that I am, but I was just nervous. Thing is she knows I'm going back to school at the end of this week. So what if I said something like

A) " I basically acted like a pussy Tuesday night, but I'd like for you to visit me at school this week."
B) "Unfortunately, my nerves got the best of me Tuesday night, but I would like to get to know you better"

what do you mean by "then you have to stay calm otherwise it would not seem congruent."?



Why such a long (and mostly boring) text?
If you want to see her again, do exactly as you have done for the first meeting. Confess your nervousness, take your balls and be more physical next time.
You got your mistakes right and I mostly agree with Roshi, except for one thing: paying for her can indeed make you more attractive (the provider is every chicks second choice), but I don't think that this is something you want to be going for on the long-term. Focus more on yourself and less on the girl.
Anyway, you have to be active with her. Leaning over for a kiss is already a lot of invest for her, if you don't do the next steps she will probably not be interested.

I will def those tips into account in the future, however, how do you think I should confess my nervousness and ask her out in a confident manner without appearing needy?

Simson
01-16-2014, 02:21 PM
Okay so I should paying for everything.

Which option do you think is best, wait for her to text me, thinking that eventually event though she felt rejected she would text me.
I don't think, that she would write. Do it. She basically told you to do so. Thus, chances are not too bad.
Text her the same way as you did, when you got her to meet you for the first time. Don't change a winning team.


I will def those tips into account in the future, however, how do you think I should confess my nervousness and ask her out in a confident manner without appearing needy?
There are of course several ways to do this. I would try to go for the date and when the situation comes up tell her that she makes you freaking nervous, because you have to think about kissing her the whole time (or whatever) and (here comes the fun part) do it.
Someone else did this via texting, which you can try, if you think that's congruent with you:
Text1: "Did you know, you are a little mean."
Girl: bla, why....
Text2: Confess you wanted to take things further, but she made you too nervous.

beastin46
01-16-2014, 02:36 PM
I don't think, that she would write. Do it. She basically told you to do so. Thus, chances are not too bad.
Text her the same way as you did, when you got her to meet you for the first time. Don't change a winning team.


There are of course several ways to do this. I would try to go for the date and when the situation comes up tell her that she makes you freaking nervous, because you have to think about kissing her the whole time (or whatever) and (here comes the fun part) do it.
Someone else did this via texting, which you can try, if you think that's congruent with you:
Text1: "Did you know, you are a little mean."
Girl: bla, why....
Text2: Confess you wanted to take things further, but she made you too nervous.

She usually initiated first contact in the day, She would text "morning :)" and etc.
She did point out earlier in the week that confidence turned her on.
Is there anyway I can say it to appear a little more confident and interested but less needy?

Would a simple "hey :)" assure her that I am interested and appear confident

Simson
01-16-2014, 02:46 PM
She usually initiated first contact in the day, She would text "morning :)" and etc.
She did point out earlier in the week that confidence turned her on.
Is there anyway I can say it to appear a little more confident and interested but less needy?

Would a simple "hey :)" assure her that I am interested and appear confident
I can't help you much, since I don't text very much.
The texting options as presented above seems extremely non-needy and very confident to me, but do as fits you best.
The way you ask about your "hey :)" text makes me believe that it will appear needy to her, because you would be doing it expecting a certain outcome (appearing confident and non-needy, making her write back) - which is the definition of needy... Am I right?.

beastin46
01-16-2014, 03:01 PM
I can't help you much, since I don't text very much.
The texting options as presented above seems extremely non-needy and very confident to me, but do as fits you best.
The way you ask about your "hey :)" text makes me believe that it will appear needy to her, because you would be doing it expecting a certain outcome (appearing confident and non-needy, making her write back) - which is the definition of needy... Am I right?.

alright thanks for your help man
on a scale of 1-10 how good do you think shed judge the night?

Im texting her:

"unfortunately, Tuesday night didn't go too well, but I'd still to get to know you better"

Duut
01-16-2014, 04:54 PM
Really read up on how to be confident, and be a man and take control of the situation. Because there is no point in salvaging this if you're gonna be the same next time you meet. Text her, show some initiative and show a little bit that you're interested. Don't come up with a excuse because you were nervous, that's not confident, and you don't score points with that. When you text her, ask about her day etc but be spontaneous and don't bring up the date. What done is done, but I'm sure you can still salvage this. She told you she likes confident guys, apparently she thinks it's cute that you're a little nervous/shy but most of the times that doesn't continue for long.

A hug when you meet is not awkward, a movie on your first date is.. there is little interaction and pretty boring if you ask me. Pay for her only if you want to, not because you think it will score points with her! If not, split it or pay for activity 1 and she'll pay for activity 2.

Overall she likes you, she initiates enough and there is no need for anxiety because she is on a date with you! Next time, don't avoid eye contact, instead pull on your laser pervert eyes and don't break it until she does. And at least go in for a kiss next time!

Good luck buddy!