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View Full Version : Couple tips to avoid that breakup



hanexs
12-10-2013, 09:23 PM
Hi all,

I just wanted to say two of my tips to deal with relationships close to or at a breakup. I have had some incredible success with the PUA game (mostly by being a natural) but with some help from these forums. I have recently gotten out of a relationship with an incredible gf, one of the best and worst experiences of my life. I wouldn't trade it for anything... we found excitement, in every nook and cranny, in every elevator, stairway, and surface in most of the cities we visited. And it felt right, like nothing else ever felt right. But there were two things I found, that I now believe to be universal truths that I would like to share:

1 - The "in love" feeling does not last forever - If you have ever been lucky enough to have this feeling, you know what it is. Its the feeling of "oh my god she is the one, everything is perfect", "everything is better with her" accompanied by a total lack of interest in everything and everyone else... thats called being in love. I would peg it at an average of 2 years, from talking to many people, and reading on the issue. It does not last forever. This is one of the reason we have so many divorces, people don't know how to transition from being "in love" to just learning howto love eachother in a healthy way. The lesson here is to be ready when the signs of that feeling start to wane, to learn how to transition into something else, and also to be on the look out for the second point

2 - being needy is unattractive. Its taken me so long to really deeply understand why my break up was so bad. But it all boils down to this point. As the "in love" feeling wanes, and that is a natural/inevitable thing, the person who is more "in love", becomes needy. He/she notices the change in behaviour, and routine, and becomes needy, complains, makes snide remark, requests more love, even BEGS for more love. A needy person is by their very nature repelling. Since I have rebounded, I have met a lot of beautiful women, and almost all of them have screwed it up because they needed so much from me, it just feels like a hassle when someone has all these expectations and needs of you.
So the lesson here is if you catch yourself before you start resenting your gfs actions, feeling unloved, feeling wronged. If you feel this you can do three things:

you can ditch her
you can give a real ultimatum that you are absolutely not going to back down on
or lastly you can chill and not take things so seriously.


What you can NOT do is whine, you cant say "why didnt you text me to go to the concert?", or "when did you stop saying good morning... I miss you", or ask to go on a date every day even though she clearly has other priorities or all the other beta stuff that people inevitably do when their gf starts pulling back.

So, I guess I feel like if I had to do it all again, (and I am and will)... I'd keep being carefree, I'd enjoy the good stuff but try not to need it, I'd ditch her more, and eat more wings with my buds. If I felt hurt, I wouldn't always voice it just because Id assume she'd understand. And when I felt a line was crossed, I'd give her a chance. But I'd never complain, or dramatize, or explain why she "hurt me", or obsess on ways to fix everything.

Just my thoughts, hope it helps someone because a lot of the posts on this site have helped me.

cdharders
12-12-2013, 01:40 AM
That's really cool bro. Thanks for the feedback.

don juan matus
01-04-2014, 01:11 PM
my best friend girl says

do not ever under any circumastances contact them

agree with everything they say, say its the best idea you ever heard. that being friends, dating iothers or space etc is the best thing for the relationship, and if it was meant to be then it will be, then vanish, and do something wityh your life. becuase they dont know what they are saying, and give them the gift of absence

djm

PolaBear
01-05-2014, 04:16 PM
I agree with not going against their thoughts, but isn't agreeing with them not being real to yourself, I'm not saying go completely the other way but find it better to frame it as "if that's what you want to do then you should", unless of course you do agree. Just think that sometimes it's hard to frame as not giving a shit when you do, and there's nothing wrong with giving a shit if you act right.

PolaBear
01-05-2014, 04:17 PM
Otherwise it's a fine line between not contacting, and not making a move and leading yourself.