View Full Version : remember who you are/who you were

don juan matus
12-05-2013, 08:06 PM
hi guys

imvho, break ups maybe the hardest emotional thing to go through vs women.

we can take up to 6 months to realize how we feel. i know there is major shock factor, but that is more repltilian brain reaction. routine disruption.

i find better then anything, is to remember who we are and who we were before the relationship, and to know if it hurts we are learning and that if something leaves it means something better is coming but we have to be ready for whats coming, or could muck it all up again.

never lose your identity in a relationship. i dont care how good the poos is, if she swallows, makes you feel good, is really hot etc etc. if you lose yourself, then you will lose her. and if you didnt lose yourself and she still is gone, then you do not need people like that in your life friend or lover

google these words: for some reason or another, i find a ton of people these days suffering either by or from these...

- emotional vampire
- bipolar disorder
- sociopath
- narcisist

if your mrs/mr falls under any of these descriptions, then you are just hurting yourself at the end, and far superior to moving on to brighter horizons.

i new a guy who killed himself in highschool becuase an hb20 dumped him bad for abigger better deal. i always thought " how low is your confidence to commit suicide over another person" i know, the old romeo and juliet story but hey


whenever you are given "conditional love" then run for the hills. spend time getting to know someone before you fall for them. ask the right questions. do your research and above and beyond everything "KNOW AND UNDERSTAND YOUR OWN PERSONAL BOUNDARIES"

find out what in life makes you happy first. then find someone who has too. then share it with eachother :-)

until then have fun and learn from the passers by that only stay short timers in your life, they all have something to teach you

my favorite mantra for life is "they is no such thing as losses, only lessons" - djm

12-05-2013, 10:09 PM
Well said. Congrats on the first one to write on this section, my friend.

Keeping identity is the lesson i learned from a breakup i had 3 months ago. I fell in love with this girl, and i made her priority in my life. So little i understood that i must work on myself first to truly love a girl and truly be loved. I changed very positively while i was in relationship but most of the effort was for the girl, not for myself.

She broke my heart, but i have no right to blame her for it. Thanks to her for the pain she gave me. I started to accept and appreciate myself much more than i used to.

I desire to be the person who heals others. The person who is a role model to his kids, and people he encounters. The loving person who loves himself and others. The person who is interested in spiritual and mental growth of himself and others. The person who takes joys from this and be spiritually aware of the grace he receives..

So lets move on from the past and bring brighter future.

don juan matus
12-06-2013, 10:54 AM
hi aud

thanks man

good words

i am the same way - classified as a helper / caregiver my whole life

we tend to attract takers / wounded ducks

this is where knowing ourselves and our personal boundries, then applying that to getting to know someone really matters



12-07-2013, 07:11 AM
I believe in the idea that if you make decisions from the best of your knowledge then there are no bad decisions or regrets, only bad consequences from which you should not be sad but take on board and learn from, knowing that at the time you made an honest decision from what you knew, how you felt. If you always try to be honest to yourself and make the decisions you know at the time to be right, then you are living your life in the right way. Feels to me as if this can be a major factor in relationships and breakups. Learn what you can from everything, make the right decisions on what you know, learn what you can from everything, repeat, repeat, repeat...

12-08-2013, 11:55 AM
Hi guys I was just about to send a very afc text to my ex, when I thought maybe I should consult the forums before doing anything. And lo and behold here is this new category on breakups. I realize I'm not the only one and everyone goes through this. I seriously don't know what I'd do without you guys. I am a better person I realize after this breakup and I just wanna thank the community for being here.

12-08-2013, 02:46 PM
ditto. im w/ a narcissist basically. last text was "im working on something ill talk to you later" after she responded to go hiking with "no good for hiking! ha?" power playing cold one. that'll be my last text ever to her.

12-20-2013, 02:18 PM
I was with a lying cheating chick and she broke up cause I was way too clingu, didn't get the hints etc. Thats ears ago, I realized I was just the pancake (thanks HIMYM)
Good post DJM. Carlos Castanedas had some nice reads, I remember destroying 3 Books in less than 2 weeks haha

12-25-2013, 03:52 AM
Oddly I find myself coming out of a toxic relationship, in which, EXACTLY this, happened. I lost my identity.. My friends, family, and co-workers said they don't even recognize who I am anymore. I am 40.. been in "the game" for over 15-16 years. I am very in-tune with how females work. She is BPD, and in all my years never experienced this. What a TREAT!!..lol. Anyway...first trip to these forums, and the original post about breakups helped me, once I read it. Typically, I have lived the "player" life-style.. and I learned recently.. it wasn't about stoking my ego.. or accumulating numbers anymore...because at the end (about 5 months ago, I stopped with the multiple partners, and "spinning plates") it felt empty...hollow. Then in August, I met the first girl, in, I can't remember how long, that I actually wanted to pursue more than sex with.. Man, was I a sucker... anyway. Thanks for a venue for me to actually vent.. and Merry Christmas to you guys

don juan matus
01-04-2014, 01:07 PM
hey dudes

by knowing ourselves first, it allows us to set boundaries with everytype

- treat things as they are, and dont get dilluted : if its sex its sex, if its bipolar dont take it serious, if its more go further. never judge people on out past. learn from it to make every relationship better.

nothing wrong with bipolar, that their issue, its on us to recognize these cgaracter traits fast, to know how far we can let ourselves go . that way there will never be a bad break up if we are accountable for our acts, thoughts and feelings. bipolar chicks are by far the best in bedm and usually open to fwb and threesomes/multiple partners. so use it to your advantage. no need for bad break ups, big need for personal accountability in the relationship



01-27-2014, 03:14 PM
Special relationship from the past still hunts me down, here and there. Its been more than 5 years now, and that girl still pops in my head. Is it some sort of witchcraft?
Now I've dated lots of girls and two long term girls form the bunch are damn gorgeous and blow that "blast from the past" girl out of water. Yet still I remember that girl and her betrayal. Bad break ups happen frequently, but some really bad break ups happen as well and their residue stays for a long long time (In my case)
We come to know ourselves through other people and through relationships, guess the more we have the better we get to know ourselves. It doesn't happen overnight though.