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View Full Version : What did I do wrong or right? Salvageable?



gmoore
08-02-2012, 03:38 PM
Hello all, I'm obviously new here And would like to preface my question and situation with a greeting. I'm looking forward to being a part of this community.

Here's my situation, I'm hoping to get some insight into how to proceed with this girl.

Background: I met her through a friend who she was working for. I was dating someone at the time we met. My relationship with other girl ended. I waited about a 1.5 months & then contacted new girl. I got new girl's # in a couple of messages and we set up plans to hang out at my house and listen to music. we did this twice in two consecutive weeks. Definitely attraction there but no kiss yet.

We end up hanging out a 3rd time and going canoeing & swimming. She prefaces the hang out with the fact that she is grumpy from PMS. The hangout goes well & there is little to no sign of said PMS. Lots of laughing and flirting & tension. Definitely still attraction but once canoe is unloaded she gives me a hug & says goodbye.

I'm not sure what to think at this point (I feel as though I haven't escalated quickly enough) so I lay back for a few days and decide to write a totally benign text which references something we both like. me:"Mmmm, Pistachios for dinner" Her: "Seriously Jealous, wanna hang out soon?" Me: "Roommate & I are going out for drinks on friday, care to join us?" her: "Sure" (I found this to be a little short so I was waiting to text back & she sends another text) Her: "I look forward to it" Me: "I'll give you a call on friday then."

I call her & pick her up and we go out for dinner & drinks. We have a really good time. Her body language keeps switching from receptive to closed & back again. At one point she starts twirling her hair & she says "I probably should be twirling my hair". I take this as she's interested but is very guarded because of all the attention she gets from men is is apprehensive about projecting interest for some reason & is trying to catch herself. IDK.

We eventually leave & I give her a ride home. I ask if she has any beer says yes so I go into her house for a beer and we get comfortable on her couch and she has me choose a movie and so in goes Caddy Shack. We're drinking and talking & I'm looking for my opening to kiss her and she puts her head on my shoulder then we start making more & more physical contact but no kissing yet. She eventually has her feet up on my and I'm mildly massaging her feet & then her head is on my chest and I'm lightly running my fingers up and down her arms and the side of her thigh. Needless to say this made it difficult to go in for the kiss.

We eventually get up and are both petting her dog. She stands up and goes over to her bed & had be showing signs of fading a bit (she got up for work @ 6 am & it was 1am). I stayed petting her dog for a moment and she says "so are you staying or are you going?". This is obviously my opportunity so I stand up without answering her & walk over to her slowly and grab her and kiss her. She pauses for a moment and says "I guess that's your answer" & i just smile and we continue kissing. I felt like it was a good move to answer her question with action. We make out for 10 minutes or so and she seems to be really into it. I suggest that we sit down & we part for a moment. I then go downstairs to get us a glass of water. Upon returning I notice her standing 5-6 feet away from me with her arms crossed looking pensive. She looks up at me says "I'm not looking to get hot & heavy tonight" and pauses and looks away then looks back and asks "were you?". I have been very calm collected and confident throughout this entire night and was even still. I the replied "I wouldn't say no but not necessarily" or something to that effect. I know this is where I fucked up. I feel as though I should have said "me either" and the walked over and tried to comfort her and begin kissing her again. I mean in so many words ASKED me to spend the night.

After this she stood there awkwardly for a moment or two & I felt like I should leave as it was her space and I didn't want to be invasive or threatening. I then said "I'll get out of your hair". I said this in a lighthearted joking tone, Implying that some other night we'd likely be sharing a bed.

We then grabbed our bottles and walked downstairs. I walk up beside her where she was standing near the sink. I moved in close and we kissed a couple more times. I did this see if she was still receptive and low and behold she was. We kissed for a few seconds and the I said "you can have your bed to yourself tonight" in a flirtatious tone implying that some other night we'd likely be sharing a bed. She then asked if I'd be able see on my way out of her dark driveway & I said I'd be fine said goodbye & turned and walked out.

I felt like a total idiot for letting the night end like it did & in hindsight would have done so many things different. I thought that I must have spooked her somehow and now she was totally uncomfortable with me and that I'd likely not hear from her again. I assumed she'd go dark & not answer any of my attempts to communicate.

The next afternoon around 3 I decided I was going to test the waters & send her a text. This is where I really need some help in deciphering what is going on. here is all of our text correspondences from that point up until yesterday.

day after
me: I had a good time last night.
3 hours later
Her: Me too. Thanks for taking me out

I waited a day & texted her on Monday
1pm monday
Me: Hey ****, beer & ping pong sometime this week? I'll go easy on you

no answer so I thought I'd send her another message
5:55 the same day
me: Even better, a motorcycle ride & a swim? (she & I are both motorcycle enthusiasts)

7:15
Her: Hey ****! All sounds super fun. I have a really busy week but wed might work. I'll let you know

I didn't send anything back as I didn't feel that I needed to.

fast forward to wed morning & I get this message
10am
Her: I can't swing it this week. Prepping for a motorcycle trip this weekend. Sorry ****, Have a great day

12pm
Me: No big Deal. Have fun on your trip.

at this point I figured now she must be going dark & is trying to let me down easy & is just being friendly. I pretty much didn't expect to hear from her again.

12:15pm
Her: Thanks, perhaps next week

I was kind of taken aback by this as I was assuming that she had most likely lost attraction and wasn't interested in hanging out again. The one thing I don't like about it is that she didn't phrase it as a question but I'll take it as a "good" sign at this point.

1:40pm
Me: Sounds good. Let's stay in touch.

That is our last text and bring us up to date.

Maybe she still wants to hang out but is actually super busy this week? I mean I'm sure prepping for a motocycle trip takes at least some planning but that much? IDK? I was feeling the blowoff vibe so why even propose the idea that are going to hang out again? I would have left it at that and moved on if I wasn't interested.

If you got this far let me know what you think? I'd love to hear what your constructive criticisms are. What did I do right (if anything haha) & what did I do wrong? Is this salvageable? What's my next move, let her contact me?

Thanks!

Portrait
08-02-2012, 04:21 PM
You really fucked up by not spending the night. She would have felt used, like you where only interested in one thing.

Great response to go up, and give her a kiss when she asked if you where staying or going. I dont understand why you didnt just lead her straight to the bedroom after a quick kiss. You gave her too much time to think about what she was doing when you went downstairs to get some water.

I would think she would have interpreted it something like this

Is he going to stay or go? I will ask him
*Kiss
Ok, Great, he is staying, I cant wait to spend the night with him
*You go get water
Hmm... Does he expect me to fuck him tonight? Oh shit???
*Return with water
I should tell him we arent having sex so he doesnt think I am easy.
"I'm not looking to get hot & heavy tonight"
"I wouldn't say no but not necessarily"
hmm.. OK, Not to bad an answer, he can stay and we can just have some fun
*you tell her your not staying
WTF? He just isnt going to stay because I wont fuck him? What a dousche... Glad I told him I wasnt going to fuck him tonight. I just dodged a bullett
*You leave

I would think she would have been pissed you didnt stay after she said the no sex thing. You should have still stayed. You would have fooled around in bed, possibly even had sex. Either way, you would have been better of there than sleeping alone. She thinks you are only after one thing now (and can you really blame her?).

She doesnt want to see you as much now because she thinks you are a 'Hit it and quit it' guy. She doesnt want to be used.

If you want to salvage this, invite her out somewhere, where sex isnt really going to happen. Invite her out somewhere interesting and fun, and start your date process again, so it doesnt appear like you are just trying to score.

gmoore
08-02-2012, 04:38 PM
Wow, that's pretty right on. I bet that is almost exactly what went on behind the scenes. And here I'm thinking she's uncomfortable and now I should leave before she asks me to leave because that would be even more awkward & me leaving shows that I'm not only in it for the sex but in all actuality it conveys totally the opposite in the moment. What a douche haha. Once I left I knew that was the wrong move but in the moment I felt like I shouldn't push.

gmoore
08-02-2012, 04:48 PM
She did respond at least, which is good sign. I imagine I still have a chance but it'll take a little work to get back to where I was but I think if anyone is capable of that with this girl it's ME.

gmoore
08-02-2012, 05:30 PM
If you want to salvage this, invite her out somewhere, where sex isnt really going to happen. Invite her out somewhere interesting and fun, and start your date process again, so it doesnt appear like you are just trying to score.

How do you think I should ask her? How do I ask her without sounding needy or too eager or like I've been waiting to ask her? Let's say I want to ask her to come play ping pong with me... Again. Should I ask her to come play with just me or should is ask her to join me & a couple of friends who are also going to play ping pong?

What's my move here? Do I try to re-build comfort & rapport a little to "warm" her up to the idea of hanging out again? Maybe some benign statement texts about things we're both interested in?

I was thinking something like this after she gets back from her trip.

Me: I just watched a dude literally texting while riding his motorcycle on 101. Wow.

this is something we've joked about and I actually did see this the other day.

I would wait for a response and then lead into asking how her trip was etc.

Ideally she would bring up the idea of hanging out but if not I would come at her with something like "that ping pong table has been calling our names, you game?" or something to that effect. or "should we cash in this ping pong rain-check soon?"

I feel like the ping pong thing is really non-threatening and is sexually neutral, She also really claims to like it. I might be able to repair the damage that I've done by not spending the night if I can get her to hang out again.

Any ideas? Am I still in this? Even if I'm not I'm learning so much about male female interaction that it's so worth it!

A girl wouldn't even throw out the possibility of hanging out again if she was simply not interested anymore would she?

gmoore
08-02-2012, 07:09 PM
Maybe I should text her something like this next week: "I was thinking that we should probably just be friends but we should still go play some ping pong sometime." haha. I know that one would probably sink me since I feel like I'm a bit to deep into this interaction to be able to use the reverse psychology stuff (we've been chilling about once a week for a month now). But I would be curious to see how she'd react. I bet she'd act really well to a little more disinterest/challenge though since no dudes around here present even the slightest challenge to her. If I can get her hanging out again that is. I haven't been a pushover but I also haven't totally acted like the "prize" either. I guess time will tell how this will play out.

I'm interested in all your thoughts! I could use the feedback from all of you more experienced fellas! Thanks dudes!

Portrait
08-02-2012, 07:25 PM
If your aim is to see her again, and get into a sexual relationship then I was thinking that we should probably just be friends but we should still go play some ping pong sometime is not what you want to text.

This is how I would read that statement if I was a girl.

He came over, I asked him to stay the night, he said yes. Then when I said we aren’t going to have sex he left me... Obviously he just wants to fuck me and get out, and now after I said we can’t have sex that night, he doesn’t want to continue a physical relationship and just wants to be friends? All because I wouldn’t fuck him one night? What a dick.

Just ask her to hang out like last time. She seems to like you, and you obviously have no problem with comfort around her, so it shouldn’t be too difficult to orchestrate, on the proviso that she is still interested in you, and doesn’t think you are looking for a quick fuck.

Yes, I would start with some call back humour, a few text and then go for the date... A phone call (I know a new revelation) is a much better way to build comfort than text if that what your initial aim is to do. I would do that, and try and mend any damaged bridges.

What is your intention with this girl? Do you want a LTR, ONS, FWB? <-- Figure that out before proceeding.

gmoore
08-02-2012, 07:41 PM
If your aim is to see her again, and get into a sexual relationship then I was thinking that we should probably just be friends but we should still go play some ping pong sometime is not what you want to text.

This is how I would read that statement if I was a girl.

He came over, I asked him to stay the night, he said yes. Then when I said we aren’t going to have sex he left me... Obviously he just wants to fuck me and get out, and now after I said we can’t have sex that night, he doesn’t want to continue a physical relationship and just wants to be friends? All because I wouldn’t fuck him one night? What a dick.

Just ask her to hang out like last time. She seems to like you, and you obviously have no problem with comfort around her, so it shouldn’t be too difficult to orchestrate, on the proviso that she is still interested in you, and doesn’t think you are looking for a quick fuck.

Yes, I would start with some call back humour, a few text and then go for the date... A phone call (I know a new revelation) is a much better way to build comfort than text if that what your initial aim is to do. I would do that, and try and mend any damaged bridges.

What is your intention with this girl? Do you want a LTR, ONS, FWB? <-- Figure that out before proceeding.

Thanks for the straight forward assessment. This is exactly the reason I'm here!

I would say that this is the type of girl I would get into an LTR with. We have a lot in common & I could see it being really interesting and enjoyable to be around her for the long term. That being said I'm really trying to stay away from having any expectations from this girl and am trying to keep my options open and not feel like women like her are scarce but it's hard around here sometimes haha. There's definitely an age gap but somehow it doesn't seem it. Either she's really mature or I'm not haha. Whatever the case we get on pretty well.

What exactly to you mean by call back humor if you don't mind me asking?

Maybe a couple texts to see how receptive she is/gauge her interest level and a call after work type of maneuver would be best?

gmoore
08-02-2012, 09:14 PM
What if I address potential awkwardness the situation by acknowledging it straight on. By saying something to the effect of
"I just want you to know that I left the other night for no reason other than you seemed uncomfortable & I felt I should respect your space"

Basically saying "I didn't leave because you wouldn't have sex with me I left because you seemed uncomfortable". or I could just say that.

I'll probably forgo both of these avenues as I'm not sure they serve me well to build comfort or rapport but it was just a thought & I was curious as to what you guys think the effect of saying something like this would be? positive or negative? I wouldn't want it to be an apology but more of a statement of the facts.

gmoore
08-03-2012, 06:21 AM
I just want to say thanks to Portrait. I feel like his advice has been right on & I look forward to learning and being a contributing part of this community. Many of you seem like real stand up individuals who are strong, ethical & confident. In many ways the PUA community carries negative connotations, especially to those who don't understand it. I believe most of the individuals who are involved in this community are mostly good, ethical & learning this stuff for the right reasons. It's not about becoming or being a womanizer or a chauvinist it's about understanding women & learning how to be happy with ones self & communicating with women in an effective way. I see very few of the "methods" and/"tricks" used, recommended & taught as manipulation but rather the learning and acquiring of communication skills that were never taught to us as young men. Why... Because our fathers didn't know and no one ever taught them. It's about breaking the cycle and becoming the man that you always knew you could be but didn't have the balls to become. There is no better time than NOW!

gmoore
08-05-2012, 06:24 PM
Trying to figure out the best way to contact her if she doesn't take the initiative. I have been thinking this is the text I'm going to open the convo with a pic of a 1963 Chevy C-10 saying "Stumbled on this beauty in ****, I bet your KTM would just barely fit". This is a reference to a conversation we had about her looking for a truck and talking about what kind of trucks we'd have if we could have any truck. I know it sounds redneck-ish but I assure you neither of us are bumpkins.

Does this sound AFC? I feel like it's pretty strong & low pressure. Is sending a picture message a no go? or would it be fine in this case.

Portrait
08-05-2012, 08:05 PM
Sounds fine, a bit of call back humour used to start up a dialogue again. If you think she would be interested.
Just make sure you dont come off as a bit of a 'try hard'.

You main point now should be to start up communication again, and then go for the meet up once she is comfortable again. I would try and have a 'ask out' free phone conversation with her before asking her out again.

gmoore
08-05-2012, 08:27 PM
Sounds fine, a bit of call back humour used to start up a dialogue again. If you think she would be interested.
Just make sure you dont come off as a bit of a 'try hard'.

You main point now should be to start up communication again, and then go for the meet up once she is comfortable again. I would try and have a 'ask out' free phone conversation with her before asking her out again.

Do you think that's too "try-hard"? I can't tell. It feels pretty straight ahead but the taking time to take a picture and send it to her does seem a little like a "I've been thinking about what to send you for a text message" type of text. I'd rather avoid coming of like that especially given the state of our interactions. How the hell do you give a shit but not give a shit? It's such a goddamned tightrope walk, haha.

gmoore
08-05-2012, 08:37 PM
Also, We haven't been in correspondence since last Wed. & she was on a motorcycle trip this weekend & my question is when do you think the best time to contact her would be? I feel like if I get in touch with her on Monday night it seems like I've been waiting for her to get back from her trip and possibly seems DLV. I'm thinking I wait until Tues. night? Though, at that point we're moving into mid-week & we'd have more pressure to make plans sometime during the week, not sure if that's good or bad thing but might be more DHV.

This is all very similar to poker or chess.

sarflondoner
08-06-2012, 12:41 AM
I just want you to know that I left the other night for no reason other than you seemed uncomfortable & I felt I should respect your space


would have been perfect..
When you meet use the escalation ladder.

gmoore
08-06-2012, 08:08 AM
Yeah, I'm thinking if she doesn't respond to the call back humor I will send that & leave it.

Or should I start up with that? That seems a little heavy for how long it's been(1 week). I fear that she may not want to respond or talk about that? Maybe she does? I feel like I should keep it light right now but if she seems too weary I may drop that one.

gmoore
08-06-2012, 09:26 AM
Wow, just found out my father has lung cancer & I'm still trying to figure out how to game this girl. My father & I have a long convoluted history bit still... Maybe it's a psychological aversion to the severity of the situation. Although, it does make you think about life & death and how temporary we are, which in turn makes me not care as much about the outcome of this particular interaction.

gmoore
08-06-2012, 10:43 AM
I really like this woman but part of me just wants to go dark. I get the sense that she is pulling way back and I'd rather stop before before her as and attempt at dhv. It's just whole dangling a carrot in front of my face with the "perhaps next week" text that gets me. If you don't want to hang out with me then just don't, you don't have any social obligation to me. She is rarely (if ever) making contact and has definitely kept me at arms length (with the exception of the week before last where she definitely projected interest & I fucked it up).

I guess my question is this: Is there a way to continue this interaction in a dhv way where I contact her or have I given her too much attention and ruined the attraction with my clumsy make-out session & pursuing?

version2
08-06-2012, 01:18 PM
dude you are way over thinking all of this. You sound obsessed and she probably senses it. You're not going to be able to interact normally because of this. I doubt you can fake it

gmoore
08-06-2012, 02:34 PM
You're right. I'm going to leave it alone for now. If she was "feeling" it she would have shown it, her loss.

Anyway, I sent her the text about an hour ago with no response as of yet.

gmoore
08-06-2012, 04:09 PM
If she doesn't respond should I even try again or am I just setting myself up to feel like shit? I was thinking of sending her ONE more text on Wed. to see if she wanted to get a game of ping pong in on Thurs. This would be my final attempt.

gmoore
08-06-2012, 07:53 PM
Totally dissed. After hanging out 4 times and kissing the last time. Maybe she thought I was a bad kisser? Maybe I was too forceful? I'm not rehashing all this simply because I've totally got oneitis but because I want to know where and how I went wrong so I don't repeat the same mistakes. Though it is interesting when you meet someone where by all accounts you should be perfect for each other, at least on paper.

Mistakes:

1) Investing too much too early. I Assumed we were a great fit too early on before truly evaluating our compatibility, i.e. I let her in without making her work for it. I put her on a pedestal in my mind & when she didn't live up to the fantasy I filled in the blanks.

2) Not giving myself enough time in between my last LTR and chasing this girl. I think I just transferred all of that misplaced emotional energy into this "relationship". I filled my thoughts with new girl instead of old girl & that felt good for a while. New girl represented hope & the future, Old girl represented heartache & the past. Between the two the choice is obvious but I neglected to see the third choice, ME. I didn't have my head on straight enough. My game is loose clumsy and clouded. More inner game needed.

3) Waiting too long to escalate and then moving too fast once physical contact was made. I was clumsy & suddenly not as confident once the kiss barrier was broken. I need to work out all the steps so there are MUCH smoother transitions to each stage.

4) Leaving when she showed last minute resistance. I should have calmed her with "we don't have to have sex tonight" or something to diffuse the idea that I had some sort of sexual expectation of her then continued to kiss her and be sensual with her throughout the night whether or not it culminated in sex. It would have solidified our intimate connection and almost guaranteed our meeting again. As it stands she now believes I have some sort of sexual or intimate expectation of her and has now recoiled and is not responding to me. Her loss but I could have handled this so much smoother and cleaner.

5) Not Acknowledging the awkwardness after it happened with a "I only left last night because you seemed uncomfortable & I felt I should respect your space". I feel as though this would have relived some of the tension and showed that I was thinking about the situation in a stand up way yet not apologizing for my actions. I think had I done this at the right time after our awkward ending it would have raised comfort back up significantly.

6) Being inconsistent. My story wasn't tight because my inner game has so many holes in it right now, as I'm learning all this stuff & dealing with the emotional baggage of coming out of a 3 year relationship with a woman I was very in love with. So I believe I flip flopped around between confident and collected AFC puppy dog.

There's probably more & I'll post them as I think of them.

gmoore
08-07-2012, 05:10 PM
So she actually responded. Here is what she responded with "Hey that's too old for me..." which is in reference to the 1963 chevy pickup. Is she continuing the conversation or what? Why even respond at this point if you're not interested, why not just let it be? I can't seem to wrap my head around it.

I'm kind of amazed. No mention of the fact that it took her a full 24 hours to respond. I can't figure this girl out, is she fucking with me? Is she interested or just stringing? I'm wondering if I should just not respond at this point.

If I respond I'm going to keep it going with something like " haha too old for you? More like too much style for you." or something to that effect. & should I wait until tomorrow to send it or send it tonight?

gmoore
08-08-2012, 08:13 AM
I didn't reply last night & I'm not sure how to proceed as I don't want to re-enforce this type of behavior & I don't want to necessarily acknowledge it in a way that sounds like I really give a shit. I'm thinking I change things up since what I've been doing isn't working and I give her a call tonight & tell her I'm meeting some friends for ping pong and that she should come & if she can't we'll catch up another time, no big deal, no big commitment. matter of fact. Calling will break this texting bullshit where she doesn't respond for 27 hours acting like she's just continuing the conversation like it was normal. She likely won't pick up but in the unlikely event that she does I'll be able to gauge her interest level a little better too. I think it's the strongest move in this case and possibly my best chance at raising her interest level back up if it's even possible at this point.

version2
08-08-2012, 08:39 AM
well man here's the deal. this isn't going to work out. so I think you should just flat out tell her you have feelings and that you want to date her. If she likes you great, if she doesn't then you'll know. Because seriously you are going to drive yourself fucking crazy thinking and rethinking every single thing. reread your posts man you are obsessed and no amount of tweaking or plotting is going to change that.

gmoore
08-08-2012, 09:39 AM
well man here's the deal. this isn't going to work out. so I think you should just flat out tell her you have feelings and that you want to date her. If she likes you great, if she doesn't then you'll know. Because seriously you are going to drive yourself fucking crazy thinking and rethinking every single thing. reread your posts man you are obsessed and no amount of tweaking or plotting is going to change that.

I can see what you're saying but I think it's a bit late for that. I'm pretty sure I know where that would end up at this point, her becoming awkward and throwing out ... And for the record, I'm obsessive about everything that I get into(art, girls, motorcycles, music) & I get really good at things by doing this and trying to think my way through things. I'm trying to use the forum as sounding board not only for advice but so I can track my progress & to see what I've done that works & what doesn't.

Maybe I'm dense, but, I think I can still salvage this and close it.

new and improved
08-08-2012, 09:50 AM
One, do NOT tell her how you feel.


And for the record, I'm obsessive about everything that I get into(art, girls, motorcycles, music) & I get really good at things by doing this and trying to think my way through things. I'm trying to use the forum as sounding board not only for advice but so I can track my progress & to see what I've done that works & what doesn't.


Nonsense.

You're rationalizing.

I know because I've been there.

You're simply upset that she's lost interest. This "hunt for the truth" is just your attempt to control things. In dating, things "make sense" when they go our way. When they don't, somehow, nothing makes sense. Let go. I'm not one to say the world isn't fair but I know at least sometimes it isn't.

I'm all for self-improvement, even obsessive self-improvement as you call it. So do it. Go out there and meet other girls. Succeed and fail many more times. But it's done with this girl. Anything else you do isn't for self (your authentic self) but for ego.

gmoore
08-08-2012, 10:11 AM
One, do NOT tell her how you feel.



Nonsense.

You're rationalizing.

I know because I've been there.

You're simply upset that she's lost interest. This "hunt for the truth" is just your attempt to control things. In dating, things "make sense" when they go our way. When they don't, somehow, nothing makes sense. Let go. I'm not one to say the world isn't fair but I know at least sometimes it isn't.

I'm all for self-improvement, even obsessive self-improvement as you call it. So do it. Go out there and meet other girls. Succeed and fail many more times. But it's done with this girl. Anything else you do isn't for self (your authentic self) but for ego.


So you're saying don't reply or call & just leave it be?

adaptordie
08-08-2012, 10:27 AM
thats what most folks here say to do...to just move on and GFTOW...

but i dont know sometimes im too determined to make something happen...i dont like just "giving up".....

at this point you can either throw a few more feelers out there and try to rekindle and just mess with your mind more...

or just go for the home run put it all out on the table, so that you can get your rejection now and not be led on for another week...

gmoore
08-08-2012, 10:36 AM
I'm still going to get in touch with her. She's still responding, albeit SLOWLY so...

I'll probably text her this in an hour or so "Too old? Try too cool. Im headed into town to meet a couple of people for some ping pong at 630, you should join us"

I'll leave it at that. If I get a response, good, if I don't, well, I'll know where I'm at with this one.

I feel like the text message is a little more nonchalant than the phone call & she'll be guaranteed to read it. I know for me if I miss a call I won't listen to my messages right away.

I'm still not 100% on how or what I'm going to do whether it's a phone call or a text but I'll figure it out soon enough & obviously I'll be back here writing about it.

Oh & I know to NOT tell her how I feel, totally needy & wrong move.

gmoore
08-08-2012, 11:34 AM
I sent her this text "Too old? Try too cool! I'm headed into ***** for some ping pong at 630. you should join us"

We'll see if/how she responds.

gmoore
08-08-2012, 01:04 PM
Her response: "Hey **** I have plans tonight unfortunately. Perhaps friday".

How to respond so I'm not too AFC?

2 things I read into this message. She is showing a tinge of remore by saying "unfortunately" (And I do mean a tinge) & she offered an alternative day which is a good sign (Friday is also higher profile than a wed I would think).

I did give her really short notice for this casual hang out session on purpose in an attempt to either force a response or get her to shut down. So she responded & that is a good sign.

How do I play this from here?

1. "I do happen to have friday open, cycle ride & a swim?"
2. "Perhaps. Let's take a motorcycle ride"
3. "Are you asking if I want to hang out with you on friday?"
4. "Let's take cycle ride, can you meet me at my house at 5:30?"
5. "Luck for you I'm free friday, meet at 5:30 for a cycle ride and a swim?"
6. "motorcycle ride & a radical swimming spot?"
7. "Let's go for a motorcycle ride, I know a really great swimming spot we can hit"

Is there a way to sidestep responding like an AFC? I mean other than telling her I have plans and not hanging out?

gmoore
08-08-2012, 02:21 PM
I replied: "That's cool. We should take a little motorcycle adventure on then."

We see...

gmoore
08-09-2012, 08:06 AM
So I have an option to go to Boston on Friday night as well & I'm also thinking it would be a good move to text her back and say "Looks like I double booked myself, I'm going out of town on Friday. You should swing by the party on saturday" or "Forgot I had plans to go out of town on friday. You should swing by the party on saturday though." OR just "Forgot I had plans to go out of town on friday." with no other offer to see her just to see if it creates any sense of loss or if it's actually a relief to her.

I'm not that interested in going to boston & that's what really holds me back from implementing this. I need to save money & prepare for the party. But I'm tempted.

what do you guys think?

gmoore
08-10-2012, 08:58 AM
Here is where I am with this whole thing. I'm not sure if I should leave it or reach a little further?

text conversation this week as follows:

me: "too old? Try too cool! I'm headed into **** for some ping pong at 630. You should join us."

her: "Hey **** I already have plans tonight unfortunately. Perhaps Friday"

Me: That's cool. We should take a little motorcycle adventure on friday then."

That was Wed. I haven't heard back from her yet so I'm not sure if I should text to confirm(or not confirm) plans?

I was thinking something like "So what do you think? Ride or drink?" Or I could do a simple "What do you think?" Just to get the yay or nay. It's also looking stormy here so a cycle ride may be out of the question anyhow. It's either that or I leave it alone and don't do anything? What's my move here? Maybe "So what do you think? Wanna get a drink instead?" or "What do you think? Ping pong instead?"

I need some Suggestions FAST as the time when we'd be hanging out is approaching quickly! Thanks dudes!

gmoore
08-10-2012, 09:55 AM
OK, so I know what I have to do now & I'm sure you'll all agree that it's my strongest move in this rotting on the vine scenario.

No text. Go to Boston and have a great time. If she responds leave it be. NEXT!

Her Loss, I'm an awesome attractive guy.

gmoore
08-10-2012, 10:56 AM
Although it would be funny to text something along the lines of "Shall I suggest an alternative? Perhaps a bank robbery?"

I won't though.

adaptordie
08-11-2012, 01:57 PM
i dont know man she doesnt seem that interested.....

i dont like asking girls "what do you think..where do you want to go," etc...thats AFC, AMOG will just tell her where shes showing up..


"weathers lookin bad for a ride..lets get a drink instead"

gmoore
08-12-2012, 06:05 PM
So here's how the weekend went.

Decided I wasn't going to contact her since she never got back to me to confirm hanging out. The last communication we had was Wed. where she gave me the maybe Wed. we can hang out & I suggested we go on a motorcycle ride & she never responded. I thought to myself, of all the times for her to just stop responding she picks one of times in our ongoing communication when it's actually rude to not say yay or nay.

Friday rolls around & I decide I'm not going to respond. I make other plans and head off to Boston & have a great night hanging out with some friends. At this point I figure we're both done, it's fine, there's no need contact me. On my way home the next day she sends me a text that reads "Hey ****, if I get a wild hair after the dinner tonight I'll stop by your party", she had to work as a server at a dinner until 10-11 or something. I was kind of baffled that she contacted me. With no mention about friday, hmmm, curious. So, I wait a few hours and respond "You should, it's going to be a really good time".

I assume that she is still not going to come & in reality probably has no intention of coming (especially since she had to work). This makes me wonder what her intentions are. The party happens and it's great. It was exactly what I wanted it to be and she never shows up. At some point in the night I lose my cell phone. I find it the next day(sunday) & there's a text from her that she had sent around midnight that read "sorry I have to get home to ****(her dog) now, I hope it was a success despite the weather". I find it curious that she even said anything and just assumed she was tired and pretty much giving me the blow-off.

At this point she's got me curious as to where she's at again so I decide I'm going to invite her along with a couple of friends to a little BBQ today. I send her a message that says "What are you up to around 4? want to go to a backyard campfire bbq at my pal ****'s house in ******?". She responds a couple hours later with "Sounds like fun... I have a staff dinner at the store 4:30-6 and a ***** party at 6...". So basically she has 2 work parties to go to which are fair reasons for not being able to chill. I respond with "No worries. will you get to meet Nan Goldin?" (the artist that the party at 6 is for). She responds with "I served her last night, ha". At that point I realize she being more responsive than usual and I'm going see if I can keep her talking for bit. I respond with "Awesome, is she a good tipper? haha" (this is just a joke as I know that the dinner she was working would not have had anyone tipping) to which she responds "None of that". I kind of feel like she's getting cold but she always seems a little cold through text & she is responding. I decide I'm going to try to keep it going for a bit so I respond with "A signed photograph would've been nice in lieu of a tip, famous people can be so inconsiderate, ha" & she responds with "I wasn't keen on that idea. It was nice to hear her speak".

I wasn't really sure how to respond at this point because I wasn't 100% clear what she was saying. I assume she was referencing having one of Nan's photographs since a lot of them are documentations of the heroin scene in NYC in the 80's. I was going to respond with something funny like "Wait. You mean you don't want a photo of a transvestite on a dirty mattress to hang in your new apartment?" but the BBQ was approaching so I just sent "I hear she is very eloquent. Have a good time tonight." & that's where the conversation ended.

I'm pretty sure she isn't that interested but likes me enough to respond cordially.

I'm thinking that I'm pretty much done & I'll wait to see if she contacts me from this point on. If I haven't heard from her in a week or so I may drop her a feeler text but probably not. I'm going to let this one go but I get the feeling she might not be quite done yet. I guess time will tell.

What do you guys think?

OldFart
08-13-2012, 01:25 AM
I think you have invested a LOT of time and thought in a woman who basically gives you crumbs in return.
Seen from the outside, this woman is not that interested - and I suggest you LIVE and ACT according to what you were trying to convince yourself of before:
"Her Loss, I'm an awesome attractive guy."

FoxEssence
08-13-2012, 02:41 AM
Yeh, stop proposing all these ideas to come along somewhere.. once maybe twice is ok if she doesn't come along il wait for her too re-schedule something. If she was initially interested she won't be now. It's boring theirs no challenge. Same with texting stop trying to force convo.. Mirror her texts or if she texts something like "I served her last night, ha" "None of that" They are not even worthy of a reply.

gmoore
08-13-2012, 06:21 AM
I think you have invested a LOT of time and thought in a woman who basically gives you crumbs in return.
Seen from the outside, this woman is not that interested - and I suggest you LIVE and ACT according to what you were trying to convince yourself of before:
"Her Loss, I'm an awesome attractive guy."

Yes, I agree wholeheartedly. Thank you!

godfather545
08-13-2012, 12:42 PM
Man, reading this gives me so much deja vu with my recent issue with the flakey hb9. You have to stop contact dude and let her re-engage. At least 2 weeks. Every time you text you lose value. Sometimes i hate text game!

godfather545
08-13-2012, 12:46 PM
this is what i wrote on your other thread

Dude I have recently been in EXACTLY the same position as you. You attract super hot girl, everything goes smoothly almost to the point were you take her liking you for granted. She worships you. talks about the future, accidentally slips that she wants you to meet her parents. Its in the bag. You put hardly any thought into texts to her and she responds quickly and in detail every time. You have one slightly dodgy interaction then BLAM, you sense that attraction is starting to decrease... you start coming on stronger to reclaim the attraction you once had... the irony is this action actually scuppers your chances further. You dont understand what is going on. You start over analysing the situation, you start obsessing over texts. Your heart skips a beat when you finally get a text from her, no matter how non commital and low effort it is and you ignore the fact it has taken her so long to respond. You start overthinking on how to respond and where in the past you would just text you start asking the forum how to answer. (read by flake thread for the full info, the similarities are scary

Heres my advice my friend. Before you do ANYTHING you need to get your old frame back. Your only option is to go and game and pull other girls. Even if the girl called you tomorrow, your frame is so weak right now you would mess things up furthur. In my situation i have frozen her out for nearly a week now. Gaming other girls helps you prove to yourself that you can easilyy find a better girl than the oneitis chick. Dude the post in the old thread where you are listing the reasons why you think it went wrong was cringeworthy. You sounded like a teenage girl obsessing like that. We have all been there.....

to add to this, FREEZE HER OUT! There is no text you can send to save this situation. Freeze her out before its too late and wait for her to re enagage. when she does be very cold in your texts. if you start to regress to how you text now then the situation will be unsaveable.

gmoore
08-16-2012, 04:56 PM
this is what i wrote on your other thread

Dude I have recently been in EXACTLY the same position as you. You attract super hot girl, everything goes smoothly almost to the point were you take her liking you for granted. She worships you. talks about the future, accidentally slips that she wants you to meet her parents. Its in the bag. You put hardly any thought into texts to her and she responds quickly and in detail every time. You have one slightly dodgy interaction then BLAM, you sense that attraction is starting to decrease... you start coming on stronger to reclaim the attraction you once had... the irony is this action actually scuppers your chances further. You dont understand what is going on. You start over analysing the situation, you start obsessing over texts. Your heart skips a beat when you finally get a text from her, no matter how non commital and low effort it is and you ignore the fact it has taken her so long to respond. You start overthinking on how to respond and where in the past you would just text you start asking the forum how to answer. (read by flake thread for the full info, the similarities are scary

Heres my advice my friend. Before you do ANYTHING you need to get your old frame back. Your only option is to go and game and pull other girls. Even if the girl called you tomorrow, your frame is so weak right now you would mess things up furthur. In my situation i have frozen her out for nearly a week now. Gaming other girls helps you prove to yourself that you can easilyy find a better girl than the oneitis chick. Dude the post in the old thread where you are listing the reasons why you think it went wrong was cringeworthy. You sounded like a teenage girl obsessing like that. We have all been there.....

to add to this, FREEZE HER OUT! There is no text you can send to save this situation. Freeze her out before its too late and wait for her to re enagage. when she does be very cold in your texts. if you start to regress to how you text now then the situation will be unsaveable.

Well, I didn't read this until just now but you are absolutely right. I was going to entirely freeze her out and I have been chatting with other girls but...

I texted her tonight, BUT let me preface this with it was honestly less of an attempt at hanging out and more of a notifying her of something really cool going on that I know she would be into take it or leave it type of text & I honestly wasn't expecting her to reply at all. Here is what I texted.

Me: "Pints & Pistons (iron & air magazine) tomorrow eve in Concord. Should be some cool custom bikes & good food. I'm riding out after work. If you're interested I'm leaving @ 530"

She replies an hour later with this:

Her: "Sounds awesome. My sister is driving up from NY tomorrow though, sorry hanging out has been a bust lately. just got back from delivering a load to my new apartment. Phewf. Nice to be back in NH. Have a good night!"

I'm not going to respond & I realize she's just not that interested(even though I do know she's legitimately busy).

What do you guys read into that response though? I think she didn't offer an alternative because she's flying home with her sister on Sunday for a week or so. Still why the lengthy response now? Probably more of a blow off that anything else. She's frozen.

d_downs
08-16-2012, 05:09 PM
Dude, let it go. I've read the entire thread and you're not making any progress. You're now the guy who invites her out every chance he gets, gets turned down, and sends another invite so he can be reject. The cycle continues.

Move on! you said you'd NEXT her and it was her loss yet here you are still being obsessed with her. Leave her alone! You've spent so much time trying to get this one girl that I doubt you have any other girls you're seeing/gaming.

As for her response, there's nothing to read into. She justified missing all your arrangements and has a reason to miss anymore that may come up for a short time.

There have got to be other people you can contact to hang out with besides her.