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View Full Version : WTF did I do wrong here?



alphaman80
07-2012-24, 07:35 PM
Hey all!

So I'm trying to figure out what happened here, I really don't want this happen again. I had decided for some weird reason to try the gentleman/slow approach with this girl and I think it blew up in my face. I'm naturally a very physical guy so maybe it showed I was holding back?

So about 3 weeks ago I met this girl. I'm 33 and she's in her late 20s. She was very attractive and everything really seemed to click with us. I set up a date with her for the following weekend during the day, and did not have any contact in between. We met at a park. It was like we had known each other for years. We were very playful with each other and the chemistry just felt like it was on, she really seemed interested in me. Neither of us wanted to end the date. I gave her a hug goodbye and we parted. The next day she sent me a text thanking me for a great time and I set up another date with her, like the last time, a week in advance. I did not contact her that entire week.

I showed up at her door for the 2nd date at the specified time, she had her door open and was ready to go. I took her to a pizza place that kinda has a kid's theme (Not Chucky cheeses!). It has a bunch of rides, golf, bowling, etc that were really fun. I decided to take her there because the first date we just acted like 2 kids wandering around playing. This date was no exception. We had a blast. She really seemed into me again, and everything inside of myself told me this was going somewhere. She would walk really close to me and touch me occasionally. She seemed very attentive to everything I said. She said that place was a great idea after we left. I took her out for ice cream afterwards, and it went great as well. When we got back to her house, I said "don't worry, there won't be an awkward moment" as I walked her to her door.

Once we got to her door, she turned around and gave me a pretty tight 4-5 second full body hug. I gave her a nice kiss on the cheek to which she giggled and we said goodnight. I go to call her 2 days later and I get the dreaded voicemail and left a message to get back to me. She sent a text a few hours later with the "You're a great guy, I just don't feel the connection but we could probably be great friends" type speech. I mean, I'm guessing she was attracted to me at the start cause she fished for another date with the text, wouldnt you think?

The thing that gets to me so much is that everything in my being told me this girl was into me. Could not going for a kiss really make her loose all interest in me that fast? I just don't understand how that could turn her off just because I wanted to take it slow. I thought I was being a gentleman and respecting her by going slow, and planned to definalty kiss her on the 3rd date. I've had women tell me that being too forward physically is a big turnoff and I've had women run away in the past by doing that. Is there a chance that me being too playful might have made her question my maturity? She seemed to love it and go with it.

It's just really confusing and I'm kicking myself for altering what I normally do with women because I actually really liked this one ><

Ludus
07-2012-24, 07:41 PM
Man I really feel for you, had the same exact thing happened to me but the complete opposite, I went too fast and got LJBF even after multiple close kisses from HB, guess I'm not too calibrated.

outtothebar
07-2012-24, 07:42 PM
Hey all!

So I'm trying to figure out what happened here, I really don't want this happen again. I had decided for some weird reason to try the gentleman/slow approach with this girl and I think it blew up in my face. I'm naturally a very physical guy so maybe it showed I was holding back?

So about 3 weeks ago I met this girl. I'm 33 and she's in her late 20s. She was very attractive and everything really seemed to click with us. I set up a date with her for the following weekend during the day, and did not have any contact in between. We met at a park. It was like we had known each other for years. We were very playful with each other and the chemistry just felt like it was on, she really seemed interested in me. Neither of us wanted to end the date. I gave her a hug goodbye and we parted. The next day she sent me a text thanking me for a great time and I set up another date with her, like the last time, a week in advance. I did not contact her that entire week.

I showed up at her door for the 2nd date at the specified time, she had her door open and was ready to go. I took her to a pizza place that kinda has a kid's theme (Not Chucky cheeses!). It has a bunch of rides, golf, bowling, etc that were really fun. I decided to take her there because the first date we just acted like 2 kids wandering around playing. This date was no exception. We had a blast. She really seemed into me again, and everything inside of myself told me this was going somewhere. She would walk really close to me and touch me occasionally. She seemed very attentive to everything I said. She said that place was a great idea after we left. I took her out for ice cream afterwards, and it went great as well. When we got back to her house, I said "don't worry, there won't be an awkward moment" as I walked her to her door.

Once we got to her door, she turned around and gave me a pretty tight 4-5 second full body hug. I gave her a nice kiss on the cheek to which she giggled and we said goodnight. I go to call her 2 days later and I get the dreaded voicemail and left a message to get back to me. She sent a text a few hours later with the "You're a great guy, I just don't feel the connection but we could probably be great friends" type speech. I mean, I'm guessing she was attracted to me at the start cause she fished for another date with the text, wouldnt you think?

The thing that gets to me so much is that everything in my being told me this girl was into me. Could not going for a kiss really make her loose all interest in me that fast? I just don't understand how that could turn her off just because I wanted to take it slow. I thought I was being a gentleman and respecting her by going slow, and planned to definalty kiss her on the 3rd date. I've had women tell me that being too forward physically is a big turnoff and I've had women run away in the past by doing that. Is there a chance that me being too playful might have made her question my maturity? She seemed to love it and go with it.

It's just really confusing and I'm kicking myself for altering what I normally do with women because I actually really liked this one ><

So everything about this says kino to me. How much physical touching and escalation was there? If you aren't escalating physical touching, then it's no surprise that she thinks if you after a friend after date 2. Bummer, too, cause both of those date spots would have been money for touching.

babysapp58
07-2012-24, 07:46 PM
did you kino her right from the beginning... like playfully touching her and then breaking it..

alphaman80
07-2012-24, 08:10 PM
Actually that's where I really screwed up, I did not attempt to really hold her hand or anything.
I was going to wait till date 3. Being extra causious really turned out to be the death of it. I've done the same as you before Ludas, I'm usually very physically forward and in the past, have ALWAYS kissed the girl on the first date if I felt chemistry was there. I've lost a lot this way as well. I tend to date the more conservative church girls cause that's what I want, and being too forward seems to be really bad. Why oh why did I try the gentleman thing on this paticular girl lol... At least no feelings were involved, it just plain sucks instead. =)

I'm guessing probably during date 2 is the time to escalate things. I really think that date 1 should be almost a meet and greet type of thing, cause I know a lot of times I'm not even ready at that point.

What's weird to me is how that can turn a girl off so fast.

Hank Havok
07-2012-24, 08:46 PM
It was the date. It was a classic "nice guy" thing to do. Pizza, games, ice cream. You friend zoned yourself. There was nothing exciting and sexy about that date to a late 20 something woman. That would have been a cute 4th or 5th date maybe. You lost her way before the door thing. Once you went to the door you sealed the friend zone by not being a hunter. She saw you as a nice guy but nothing more. That's where you messed up. Thread over. You're welcome. HH

godfather545
07-2012-25, 12:47 AM
I agree it was the date, and almost certainly due to lack of kino and sexual communication. I once took a hb9 on a date to the casino, then played air hockey and shoot the hoop. We were laughing and had a good time but there was no k-close or kino. So for the 2nd date I took her to a nightclub. Clubs are great because they are not well lit so kino is easy, and the drinks release inhibitions a bit. I mangaged to kino and k-close and then got her back to mine. Job done.

FoxEssence
07-2012-25, 03:37 AM
It's your whole calibration. 'I've not decided what I want with you yet, if I want you I'll have you'

OldFart
07-2012-25, 06:50 AM
Hmm, well - this is one of the most frustrating scenarios, and I was actually there myself recently.
Move a bit too fast, and youīre branded a player.
Move a bit too slow, and youīre friendzoned.
A lose-lose situation indeed.

I think this has a lot to do with HER take on the situation. Perhaps she LJBF you as a preemptive strike, to avoid being friendzoned herself.
And perhaps she was just into a FWB scenario with a take-charge kinda guy, and didnīt want to have too many dates to get there.
Who knows?

Sometimes our calibration is just off.
A wise member of this board told me, that instead of putting a woman into either the "LTR" or "FWB" box from the get-go, just go with the flow.
A FWB scenario CAN turn into a LTR, and vice versa.

So perhaps the take-away for you is to NOT have a specific agenda when you date a woman.
Just take it day by day and see where things take you.

As for this specific HB - I really donīt have a good piece of advice for you.
She seems to have friendzoned you, OTOH it could be a shit test.
You have nothing to lose by contacting her again - just make it light and upbeat. Donīt try to ask her what happened - I dont think u have a good enough connection with her for her to be honest about this yet.