View Full Version : Girl flaked on me (met online, been texting frequently for 2 weeks)

07-2012-16, 10:46 AM
Okay so here is the situation. With everything that's happened I feel like I should run while I can, but I'd like to see what you guys think.

I met this HB 8~ on pof. She initiated conversation with me. Shortly thereafter I got her phone number and we started texting. I would say we've been texting frequently and we always have long conversations. On Saturday we set up a date for today at 3 PM. She sent me a text this morning and here is how it went down:

Her: Hey if you wanna hang out we have to texting more and getting to know each other. I tried on Saturday but you stopped talking. * (I'm adding that asterisk to add a note further down regarding this)
Me: Sure no problem. I was busy Saturday night
Her: With friends?
Me: Yeah
Me: But hey I'll text you later. I'm gonna be at the gym from 9-12 for mma training
Her (sent roughly the same time I sent the above message): Are you the type who doesn't text when with friends?
Her: Ok
Me (after the gym): Hey I'm about to go home, eat some food, then shower. Are you comfortable with talking on the phone after? (note that we haven't talked on the phone yet)

This is where the conversation is at right now. It's been over an hour and no reply

* - I would add our conversation on saturday but it's actually REALLY long. She was definitely feeling something, because when I mentioned I was in a hot tub she replied with "I wanna go in the hot tub with you :)" I'll just mention how it ended. Note that the following part of our conversation is later in the evening after we hadn't been texting for a couple hours. Most of the conversation was earlier in the day.

Her: What are you up to?
Me: I'm at club bruce ultralounge VIP. Aka my buddies house just hanging out. I think I'm going to this local festival later though.
Me: What about you?
Her: Fun! I just got home

...and that's it. I stopped texting because she gave me nothing to go off of and I was legitimately having a good time with friends so I really didn't care.

Okay now when/if we talk on the phone I plan on saying something like this: (note that she's a 20 yr old college student so she doesn't have a car, which makes a bad date more difficult to get out of for the both of us)
Ok so here’s why I wanted to call you. I understand you want to get to know me better and that’s fine. But we’ve been texting for awhile, and there is a big difference between getting to know someone over text messages and getting to know someone in person. Would you agree?

Let me paint this picture for you. Imagine we text back and forth for the next 2 to 3 weeks before you decide you’re comfortable meeting in person. Then we meet up and it’s all a waste because we just don’t vibe together, or whatever. I don’t want to waste my time like that, and you probably don’t either. So I have an idea. Instead of taking you out on a date, I’ll meet up with you and hang out at your house, or in your backyard, or whatever. If you feel for ANY second that you want me to leave, just say the word and we never have to talk again. However, if we have a connection then we have the option of hanging out for the day because we genuinely enjoy each others company.

If she says no even after that:
Look Kayla, I’ve been messaged by tons of girls on plenty of fish, but I picked You because not only are you ambitious and smart, but you seem pretty fricken cool. I think it’s really disrespectful that we’ve been talking for this long, we had a date lined up, and you bailed on me at the last second. I’m a real man with real responsibilities, real goals and ambitions, and a real life. If you wanna go ahead and date little boys then be my guest, but I’m not going to sit around and wait for you when there are plenty of other girls that will give me a shot.

07-2012-16, 11:06 AM
Dude, waaaay too much investment on your part. I would suggest freezing her out until SHE shows you more interest. Probably ignore a couple of messages from her or answer with yes/no answers. If you ask why you are being different/weird then just tell her you are busy at the moment. Make her chase you. Why would you want to be spending all this energy on her when she probably has 2 or 3 other guys on a leash.

If you really like her, still cut off contact and give it a week or so, then re-initiate with an invite to a party or the like, something very non-needy.

12-2012-20, 04:17 PM
I'd disagree with the above. You're already through attraction. She's showing you IOIs and also shit testing a bit. (When you say you were busy, she asks if it was "With friends?")

This to me looks like you haven't built enough comfort and haven't been qualifying. If you DO do the phone call, I'd keep it light, ask her some qualifying questions, and complement her (only once or twice, not more than that) when she responds with something that you find appealing. ("Oh nice - a lot of girls around here that I've met aren't that artistic - that's awesome that you are. Would love to see some of your stuff.")

Everything she's saying/doing is a clear statement that she doesn't have a high enough level of comfort with you yet. Build that, you'll get her out.

Mr Wrong
12-2012-20, 06:56 PM
I'd disagree with the freeze out. You can't freeze out someone who can just move on since she's never met you. Don't do the heavy phone call, she'll just ignore you and the awkwardness afterwards. If you do call, just be light and make the meet up casual, but not at her place. If you want to call her and talk, when she brings it up, just state that you prefer to meet sooner than later and all that, but in a casual matter of fact way. Not like an ultimatum. I've been in the same situation, and I usually brush it off casually and say "look, I'll come pick you up and we'll go for X nearby(eg ice cream). If you're afraid I'm a serial killer, you can send a pic of my id to your friend when you get in the car." Since she doesn't drive, you picking her up means you can bounce her (with her permission) around. If she's not feeling you when she meets you, she'll just ask to go home after the ice cream.
As a side note, this is why I never text a girl for more than a week before meeting. I can never be sure she's real, looks the same or we have any chemistry until we meet so I go for it quickly.