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nny0000
07-2012-15, 07:20 PM
this new girl was hired at my work. From the first day she was complimenting me. As an example, I said jokingly "I guess I will stand around and look pretty". To which she replied "you would be good at that".

Anyways, I exchanged numbers with her. Two days later she texted me to hang out. I gave her my address. She came over at the time I said and from the moment she walked into the door she was very touchy and hands on. She even brought up the subject of us sleeping together. I made her a drink (which it looked like she had a buzz on when she came over).

We talked for a little bit. Then I started kissing (she's a sloppy kisser). I then moved to grabbing her ass and light biting.

A little bit later I work off her shirt and bra. Almost immediately she I says "i'm not normally like this". She then got dressed and said she had to be somewhere.

As she is getting her stuff together I am still making out with her.

I show her to the door, give her another kiss and a snack on the ass. I then say "I'll see you Tuesday" (the next day we see each other working)

The next afternoon I send her a text "last night was fun". I haven't gotten a reply.

So what do you guys think... how should I proceed? I'm a little bit confused as to why she stopped.

Thanks

d_downs
07-2012-15, 07:59 PM
She stopped because her anti-slut mechanism kicked in. She doesn't want to seem like she's easy. She's new to your office, it's the first time the 2 of you are getting together, and you succeeded in taking off her shirt and bra. In her mind, she mat be afraid that you'll think she's easy or a slut. She may also be a firm believer in don't shit where you eat.

In any case, your text message may have taken her by surprise and rightly so. There was no point to sending that message. You shouldn't have reminded her of the hook but instead, carried on with a normal conversation and some call-back humour. As for her not replying, what exactly is she supposed to say to a text like that. "I enjoyed it."? A better text would have been "A couple of us from the office are going to [insert name of location] for drinks on friday night. You should come along and get to know your colleagues better.".

^This has a better chance of a reply because you've invited her out, assured her that there will be people from work (she'll feel less pressure), given her a good reason to come out (you kinda need to know your colleagues to a certain degree), and set up a meeting, albeit with an audience.

Let it go for a day or two then hit her up again. You see her in the office so it shouldn't be hard to strike up a conversation with her then and continue it by text when you get home.

jcrew617
07-2012-16, 09:12 AM
Yeah, I agree. You moved too fast, too soon. It might have been better to just leave it at kissing. But you tried to move into sex before she was ready, especially with the work implications and depending where you work there may be sexual harassment implications if you push her too hard. By taking off her bra, it gave you power over her since she was naked. It might have been better to wait for sex on a later date, based on her agreeing.

I would call her and not text. It will smooth things over before you see her at work. Tell her you are not upset and you want to go slow according to her needs. You don't want any tension or heated arguments at work if she decides to not date you. Leave a voicemail if she doesn't pick up.

Portrait
07-2012-16, 02:04 PM
I would call her and not text. It will smooth things over before you see her at work. Tell her you are not upset and you want to go slow according to her needs. You don't want any tension or heated arguments at work if she decides to not date you. Leave a voicemail if she doesn't pick up

I wouldnt even start putting any of that into her mind. Dont talk about arguments at work or any of that shit. If anything, it will just put the idea in her head, thats she shouldnt be shitting where she eats. If you bring that stuff up, she will dwell on it, and you wont get her over the line.

Follow D_Downs advice. He is spot on

nny0000
07-2012-16, 04:59 PM
So I bumped into her at work today. She comes in for an hour or two but I usually miss her since i'm in and out off the office most of the day.

I came in at lunchtime. Everyone was eating already. As I walked in, she locked eyes with me. I went to go grab my lunch. When I went to go sit with my co-workers, the only seat available was directly across from her.

I put my plate down and she said "hi, nny0000". She only glanced at me for a second then went back to eating. I responded with "hey".

A coworker started a convo with me. The girl finished up lunch, asked a question about work then said bye to everyone. Again another glance at me. I said bye.

She was wearing a tight shirt and basically a mini skirt if that has any bearing on this. She looked really good but I played it cool since all my other coworkers were around.

I will be working with her tomorrow.
Last week she bought me a coffee and I said I would get the next one. I was thinking about calling her tomorrow morning and asking her what coffee she wanted since I told her I would buy next time.

I can't tell if she is nervous, ashamed or actually happy about us making out. I would like to tell her that I am not judging her and that I value discretion since most women don't like this kind if stuff to go public. I'm just not really sure how to go about it.

Any suggestions?

Thanks.

Hank Havok
07-2012-16, 10:45 PM
Don't call or get coffee. Just be unaffected like you don't even care. Don't over think it. Just treat her normal and be cool. Say hi when you see her and if she acts rude just laugh and say "Hello Red flag" and walk off. She'll then be intrigued by what that means and either get mad or ask you what you meant. You can then explain that you're just trying to be cool but she's being a weirdo. Then simply say "it's cool" and go about your day as normal. She'll then realize what a weirdo psycho she's being and will probably try to be cool with you.

HugeGrant
07-2012-16, 10:46 PM
The lunch-table was a high pressure situation for her. Sitting there with you and everybody else from work without knowing where you actually stand relationship-wise. You telling the other boys what went on the other day must have been in the back of her head when she left the table. When you get the chance to talk to her alone tell her what your intentions are (your real intentions, no bullshit) and tell her that you don't want her to talk about what happened to her co-workers. You have a reputation to lose!

jcrew617
07-2012-17, 10:11 AM
What are your ages if you don't mind me asking? That would affect the dynamic between the two. If you are older and she is younger, like college-age, it may be that she is a little inexperienced with dating or with work relationships. If that is the case, then definitely go slow, play it cool. She's new and a little insecure. She doesn't want rumors spreading about her, so its important for you to let her know that you won't tell anyone about the hookup.

Play it cool, let you know you like her and would like to see her, but you don't want to rush or pressure her into anything. Its good that you avoided seeing her for a few days because that will make her want to talk to you more, since she obviously likes you a lot but is afraid to act upon doing more.

I think you should get her coffee and try to talk to her for a little chat, just so that you can keep some game going, without her losing interest. Try to set up some out of work events like coffee, bbq parties, happy hours, lunch, etc. to invite her over for low-pressure situations. You should be able to hook up with her soon, but often times work relationships go slower because girls are afraid of the slut rumors.

nny0000
07-2012-18, 11:02 AM
I'm 30 and she is 22.

I spent the day working with her and it didn't really feel weird. We talked mainly about work.

I wanted to keep things professional. I didn't try and touch her or make any sexual innuendoes.

She then told me something that she didn't want being discussed with other people. I used that as a springboard to bring up that what we do that is not work related is nobodies business but our own.

Since I don't have a lot of money, I was thinking of inviting her over and I would cook dinner and make a few drinks. Saves me money plus she would be at my place already.

warrior504th
07-2012-18, 11:31 AM
Without reading the other responses, she said she wasn't a slut but clearly felt like one. Your responses in her eyes, in order. Tell me if you see the issue.

She wants to go because she feels like a slut.

Let her leave, no comforting. Like you treat a slut.

Kept making out with her as she gathers her shit. Like you'd treat a slut.

Smack her ass on the way out, like a slut.

If she wants to go because she feels slutty, you can't keep treating her slutty.

warrior504th
07-2012-18, 11:34 AM
I love the advice on this board, but sometimes I think you guys should focus on what went wrong initially, more than how to fix it. Fixing this problem will get you one girl. Not repeating the underlying mistake will get you many.

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nny0000
07-2012-18, 01:22 PM
I appreciate the help guys. I typically date women in their mid to late 20's. Usually what happened a few days ago works. Its been a while since I tried sleeping with a 22 year old. She may be inexperienced or insecure and its been a while since I have had to deal with that.

Usually being really assertive works...but I guess I scared this girl away unintentionally.

I'm about to text her to make plans and if that doesn't pan out...then on to the next.

Itz Skip
07-2012-18, 02:56 PM
Need to get some comfort down. In her head the sirens will be going "What if I get known as the slut of the office or whatever" Time to build some trust get to know her stop treating her like a sexual object for a bit.

warrior504th
07-2012-18, 02:59 PM
Need to get some comfort down. In her head the sirens will be going "What if I get known as the slut of the office or whatever" Time to build some trust get to know her stop treating her like a sexual object for a bit.

Bingo. This fear arose, and op did nothing to comfort it... May be past the buyers remorse stage though... At least in my exp.

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nny0000
07-2012-30, 12:04 PM
Well, after a few attempts to make plans with her, I got the dreaded "we should keep things professional" text. Oh well, can't win them all.