View Full Version : Closing Girl w/ BF...what next?

07-2012-13, 12:35 PM
Alright a girl I were hanging out with a lot, there was lots of sexual tension between us. She had a bf and one day told me she was going to leave him because she liked me and they had only been dating a couple weeks. I didnít talk to her much the next week, she flaked on our plans we had and didnít really respond to my texts, then the next week she told me that she just wanted to be strictly friends with me(I kinda screwed that up I think). I said ok and didnít talk to her much the next week, then a mutual friend invites somewhere and we agree to carpool together. Then the friend flaked, so it was just us and we hung out. There was a lot of flirting and sexual moments(I made a joke about us going and getting a hotel and having a night of wild crazy sex, which she responded Ďweíll seeí) , but on the way home she said she felt a bit uncomfortable because she had a bf and didnít want to cheat.

I donít contact her after this so a day later she calls just to see how I was doing and says we should hang out Thursday. I agree and keep the convo brief. Next evening she calls again and after talking a while she starts playfully flirting on phone and tells me sheíll see me Thurs. Then that night I get a text at 2am saying she wants to get that hotel room. I text back Ďk in the meantime you should give me a sample of what you had in mineí. She responded okay when her bf wasnít around. Then she called me a few minutes later telling me she really wanted sex with me and that she was frustrated because he was there and she couldnít leave. I tell to call me tom. when isnít around and she says he will probably be there all day, but she is sure she could get away for a bit.

Next day I send her a playful text in the afternoon and she sends one back, but I donít hear from her that day after that. Then Thursday she flaked on our plans and I didnít really hear from her then either.

So Iím not really sure what to do next. I donít want to be too pushy or come off as needy.

Now I typed this earlier and forgot to send it. Anyway my little bro has a competition tom. She is a family friend and helped him prepare for it last year (accident in my family so they were unable to, she is a family friend), so they wanted me to invite her. I asked her, she was a bit hesitant but agreed. Then called me back 15 minutes later and said her bf was flipping out over her hanging out with me and she was mad at him and was still going and was frustrated cause she said she told him we were friends and hung out a lot prior them getting together(they have been for about a month now).

What is the best way to use that to my advantage? Also Iím thinking there is a decent chance she flakes due to him being mad, how should I handle that?

07-2012-14, 03:54 AM
Listen to yourself.she said she has a bf you need to move on

07-2012-14, 03:56 AM
Listen to yourself.she said she has a bf you need to move on

07-2012-15, 08:59 AM
Figured I might as well update: I ran into her Friday at a friends. She walked into the other room by herself looking at me as if she wanted me to follow so I did and used it as an opportunity to tease her in a sexual way about the texts she sent me. She responded positively to it and was flirty with me but we couldnít stay in a room by ourselves as it wouldíve been socially awkward, plus I had to leave. Anyway we hung out Saturday, her bf isnít driving and had her drive an hour to take him to his friends to hang out the night before and then wouldnít leave and they got back about 2 hours before she was supposed to meet me so she hadnít slept(kinda surprised she didnít flake). Anyway things went fairly well in the short time we hung out.

AnywayÖ. Iím not sure how Iím gonna progress. She told me Sat. when she started seeing him she didnít want a serious relationship, but was looking for someone fun to hang around and different. She also apologized for flaking but said that he has been staying at her house/ asking to go everywhere she goes/not going to work combined with the fact he hasnít been comfortable with me being her friend since the beginning. (I think I failed by even letting that subject get off the ground, but I kinda interpreted that statement as her telling me that she isnít that committed to Ďthemí as she threw it out there kinda randomly)

I think that previously when she said she wanted to be with me and they had just started dating, I blew it by being too needy/pushy(my inner game was a mess; I was just coming off a LTR & didnít know what I was doing).

Normally I wouldnít pursue girls in relationships, but I kinda feel like she wanted to be with me to begin with, but I put her off with my neediness and they havenít been together that long/she doesnít seem that committed to it. I think as long as I can keep my inner game focused and show her Iím not going to go back to that needy-type I am in good shape, especially if he keeps acting like this. Anyway I am planning on waiting for her to re-initiate contact.

I need to make a better efforts on sarging in person so I can start posting some FR, but its difficult in a tiny town and financially it has been a rough couple weeks. I have about 7 girls who I have #closed and exchanged texts with. Most live about an hour away in a nearby city(I met most online).

Free style
07-2012-15, 10:13 AM
Why would you Continue to pursue this girl? You may be feeling more Very invested in this? Just Try to forget about her. Don't call, don't text, when you see her don't spend all your time with her. Go find other girls. That will get you headed in the direction of finding a much better situation.

07-2012-15, 11:33 AM
Why would you Continue to pursue this girl? You may be feeling more Very invested in this? Just Try to forget about her. Don't call, don't text, when you see her don't spend all your time with her. Go find other girls. That will get you headed in the direction of finding a much better situation. The first time or two we hung out, she actually offered to pay for me to go with her(so I feel she was at least semi-invested?). She had been on dates with her bf, but I don't think they were really exclusive at the time. She was really into me it seemed and he was trying to get things more serious with her which she didn't want to do because she liked me. Then I blew it with the neediness. Then I went to no contact for about 2 weeks and I felt she made some steps to pursue me, texting me about hanging out, see how I was doing....

So I feel like if she is into me I shouldn't rule her out. She is seeing someone, but she doesn't seem to think they are that serious. I just think I need to ensure that:
a) I don't focus exclusively on her
b) I don't come off as needy again. I need to continue working on my social life and inner game.
c) I don't invest too much. TBH this is where I've been a bit confused. Not knowing which part of the game I should be in after my previous screw up, qualifying her, looking for more investment on her behalf, building attraction, or comfort....

07-2012-15, 01:20 PM
Wait 4 her to break up on her own then you can decide to pursue @ ur own risk

07-2012-15, 01:22 PM
What to do next?
Step 1 get her alone
Step 2 get her naked
Step 3 take out penis
Step 4 insert penis in vagina
Step 5 get rid of her for being a cheater.

07-2012-15, 02:30 PM
Just get her alone, somewhere you can realistically have sex, and do it.

She is obviously thinking about fuck you. She isnt that committed to her BF, so just do it.

They are going to break up eventually anyway, might as well give them a good reason.

If you have no moral issue with it, then just make it happen.

07-2012-15, 08:48 PM
Moral issues aside, and speaking from very recent experience, don't mess with a girl with a bf!

I was in a similar situation as you about 6 months ago. This girl and I were always flirting/hanging out. I knew she wanted me, but she had a boyfriend. Regardless of everyone's advice on here about avoiding girls with boyfriends, I said screw it and still pursued. Well I got the girl, totally stole her from her boyfriend. We ended up hooking up one night and she dumped her boyfriend the next day.

Well soon enough I started to get paranoid if she would repeat the same pattern. As much as she said she loved me, there was always the voice in my head saying once a cheater, always a cheater. Well sure enough, I saw some texts in her phone and some emails about another guy.

So my advice to you, if you just want to hit it and run, then be non-needy and she'll eventually come to you. But put yourselves in a position where you two are alone and can escalate.

But do not, and I repeat, do not fall for this girl. It will just be a disaster waiting to happen in the future.

07-2012-18, 11:43 AM
I think your problems are because you give her mixed signals, one day you there and pushing things and another day she doesn't hear from you at all and no contact.

Basically you behavior is not congruent and makes her confused.

07-2012-19, 02:44 PM
A girl is like a monkey. She is not going to let go of one branch until she has a hold of another one. Yeh you are confusing her, but that is attraction. Mostly it sounds like she likes the attention. So of course do not provide her with what she is craving.

Another thing, If a girl wants to cheat, she is going to cheat. Whether it is you is up to you. Anytime a girl texts/calls after 12, they are looking to hook up. Obviously this clown is not doing something right and the fact he was insecure about her hanging with you shows he is beta. So for future reference, if he acts like a jealous toolbag again, just tell her "you know he's probably right we shouldn't hang out that much". Conventional wisdom will tell you to say the opposite and maximize on his insecurities, but that is what every other guy does. So by going the other way she will want to do it even more.

Go game other girls and subtly let her know and let her see you with other girls and stop talking to her so much, be short and let her talk to you. Once you sense that she is all in on you (will be obvious) go for the kill. Good luck and stop caking on girls, nothing good comes from it

07-2012-29, 12:50 PM
Thanks for the replies everyone. I'll update this because it allows me to kind of review my steps..... I last updated this on a Sunday, the day after we hung out. Later that night I got another 2am text with a sweet/lovey(not sexual) type message. I took this an indicator she was into me as more than just a FB....Anyway I call her next day and no answer. Then the day after she calls me and asks what I was doing. I tell her I was picking up concert tickets. She asked which one, I told her a couple different ones. She mentioned she really wanted to go to one, so I invite her(I think this was a mistake). It is a month from now. She talks about a hanging out again, but doesn't make any specific plans.

She has also asked me about other girls I've been hanging out with. I don't really handle those questions well, I think. At first I tried deflecting them, but she keeps bringing them up(am I in a relationship, dating, sleeping with them, etc...). I told her the first time I wasn't in a relationship with any of them, just hanging out, but she keeps bringing them back up. Like when I asked if she wanted me to get her a ticket to go to the concert with us she responded 'are you sure you don't want to bring one of the other girls'. She tends to be a bit colder towards me after that comes up as well.

I think your problems are because you give her mixed signals, one day you there and pushing things and another day she doesn't hear from you at all and no contact.

Basically you behavior is not congruent and makes her confused.
I really don't know what kind of signals I should be sending. I previously came off needy plus she has a bf so I don't want to blow up her phone all the time. I feel like she should know I'm interested in her. Plus she doesn't respond sometimes when I do contact her(presumably because of her bf, IDK). When I talk to her she talks about hanging out and sex a lot, but she makes no real attempt to make plans and when I ask her to do something, has only agreed to on things where others would be around and she had to be somewhere afterwards which has made it impossible for me to f-close. The couple times she has asked me to go places with her, she has asked to reschedule.

Anyway I haven't hung out with her at all the last 2 weeks and she turned down my plans I invited her to. So I didn't contact her for 2 days and I get a call asking why I haven't been texting or calling her(which she hadn't been contacting me either, so I don't really get it) it. She started on about how she wants to hang out, still wants to go to concert, have sex, etc....