View Full Version : She's gone cold, I've turned into an idiot, can I salvage this?...

07-2012-05, 05:05 AM
Went on four dates with this girl, she was completely into me. Last date I did hand holding (I'm a newb and I have no idea what I'm doing and just went for it) and I think came off as needy/clingy and have completely turned her off. Thing is we're both moving in a month, so I know nothing will come out of this. But I think she is really cool and would like to make a contact for the future.

For a week I basically had no contact with her besides running into her (I gave her some space and just sent one text she ignored) Two days ago I sent her text asking her out. She gave me a response "I have work!", I then asked her what is good for her and she responded "Not until next week, but I don't have my schedule yet" At first I thought this was good since she said next week, & I immediately lost some interest in her but was happy I'd see her again. Then I found out this text was bad and well now I want what I can't have...

From reading around, it seems the best course is to ignore her for a while, problem is I don't have a while since we're both gone in a month. I'm a logical person but now I'm just concocting these plans to get her to see me again knowing full well they are probably worst course of action.

When should I try texting her again? If she does busy line again would it be extremely bad to ask her to meet me in park for a couple of minutes and basically talk this through and explain I'm a newb to dating (oh she already knows lol...) and had no idea wtf I was doing with hand holding and I know we only have a month and nothing will come of this? I just kind of think at that point I have nothing to lose and I could just throw a hail mary.

07-2012-05, 05:32 AM
Best bet at this point I'd say is to move on.

Could send a fake mass txt saying to meet you someplace (like "hey. Heading to joes bar at 7 everyone meet me there"). Something low investment, since it seems like she is simply blowing you off. Explaining you are new to dating is not good. Women want an alpha make who is decisive an not afraid to go after what he wants. Did she act coldly or pull away from your hand? If so you could have replied with a slick ball buster. Or if you it seemed like there was tension pull your has away and say "eww your hands are all clammy". Or something like that

There really isn't anyway to try and make plans with her at this point without being needy. Only thing I can say is maybe message her next week and say "me and some friends are heading to. Blank. You should come along with some friends.

Maybe someone can chime in as well.

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07-2012-05, 10:02 AM
she's not into you. Don't waste time trying salvage when starting fresh is so much easier

07-2012-08, 08:35 PM
Abort, on to the next one.

they moment it takes to much effort to talk from your side "she doesnt start the conversation and such"
the moment it is onesided go Red oktober "stealth / off the radar"

07-2012-11, 08:45 PM
It aint over till the fat lady sings! The alpha male goes after what he wants. Resistance is just her trying to test you.

haha, that wasn't for you, that was for me.

My first advice is what you did wrong with the hand hold (dont worry I've made your mistake too) you didn't sexually escalate. The way to test your escalation is proximity. How close to her face can you get your face before she pulls away. The more you escalate, the closer you can get. The hand hold is about as simple as it gets, because girls feel okay with being touched as far away from their torso as possible, and the hand is pretty far. I'll bet what you did wrong is that your proximity was aweful. You cant lunge at her for her hand. You have to have already gotten in to her personal space a few times first without her pulling away. That is your sign that you can now grab her hand.

Secondly, never give up on a girl. Just don't get clingy. If she's not in to you today, she may be on her period and 2 or 3 days from now is going to be okay.

how I would go about it. She may have a bad frame of you from that lunge you did. No worries thats what the PREFRAME is for. Here's how you do it: call her, she answers. you: "hey (hb6), I dont wanna sound racist but I really like you. Look I'm not a pig farmer, I'm not a cop, I'm a normal guy. I like you. I know this is going to be the most horrible thing you have ever heard but I have a heart, and all I can think about is you. (then TELL HER dont ask) You are going to go on a date with me, and it will be 1000x better than the last one."