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Blacklabel
07-2012-03, 10:42 PM
I am a 27yr old single dad of two kids (6 and 8) they live with me full time during the school year. Obviously a person I am dating would need to accept them as well as myself.

Dilemma is that I do not bring up the fact that I have kids right away, i don't lie or deny it, just control conversation So it doesn't go that route. If a women mentions she has kids first I tell her about mine. But I have gotten shot down right away before from women because I have kids. They assume I have "baby momma drama".

So question is. When should this be brought up to someone I am talking with? My perspective is that I don't want to complicate things when we might not even click anyways.

Also any suggestions on ways to bring this topic up if I've already been on a date or two with a girl.


Thanks in advance!


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curiousgeorge8
07-2012-03, 11:15 PM
I would bring it up relatively early as if you wait too long it might look like you are trying to hide it.
But it sorta depends on what you are looking for, if you are after a relationship rather than a FB or whatever I would bring it up in the first date because if they don't like kids or whatever it isn't going to work anyways and why waste your time.
Your right in that there is no point bringing it up too early as it most likely will complicate things.. but at the same time, if it was me I would want to know pretty early.
Hope this helps :)

Hank Havok
07-2012-03, 11:29 PM
It's a weird slippery slope. I understand you not wanting to be judged for it but the reality is that a woman isn't gonna "not like" you cause you have kids. Some may chose not to date you for it but in the end you would have wasted your time. Guys like you are most successful meeting woman on a paid site like Match. You can lay it out up front and immediately eliminate the uninterested woman. I know a ton of woman that like the fact a guy has kids cause they either don't wanna have em or aren't ready. With all that said. I'd let em know immediately. If they find out later than sooner it will be a red flag as in what else are you not telling em. Be up front about this. Good Luck HH

Blacklabel
07-2012-04, 06:16 AM
Yea those are some good points. It was pretty much a general question, but still applies to someone I am currently talking with. Met on Pof where I have "rather not say" for the has and want kids section. So it wasn't like I put "no". Also this girl has that she is "separated" meaning still married. Neither topics have been brought up yet.

My ex suggested getting one of those keychains with a picture of my two on it as a way to bring it up unintentionally. Not a terrible idea, but maybe I'll try just being upfront with it and enthusiastic about it.

I can see this possibly being a positive feature with some girls around my age group and older since some either don't want to have their own kids "physically" or are unable to. So all hope isn't lost.

Thanks again for the suggestions.


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cman
07-2012-04, 08:07 AM
There is No point mentioning this until you have established a few meet ups with a girl and established enough attraction otherwise you'll be shooting yourself in the foot.

If you say to a girl who you haven't built attraction in she may see it as a a minus point but if she's already attracted you'll be less likely for her to raise concerns.

Either way you probably wouldn't want to get with a judgemental girl who can't accept things like that and instead go for a girl who likes you for you.

Blacklabel
07-2012-04, 08:11 AM
I agree with obviously not going after someone who dislikes kids. I do probe a little bit and observe someone opinion on children or how they act around children, obviously of we are a a restaurant and there's some annoying kids in the bg and she is like "omfg I hate kids" I won't be going on another date. Lol


But I have dated girls that otherwise would be immediately turned off by the additional responsibility I have but once they got to know me things were good.

After all they are 6 and 8. Not newborn or babies. They are at a real fun age.


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AFCTVS
07-2012-11, 09:44 PM
I don't think the question is when you should tell her. I think its HOW you tell her.

Use it as a DHV and try to connect it to a positive frame she already has in her head. She says something random and you go "omg, thats just as fun as when I was twirling my son joey around in the sun on the beach and he was giggling sooo hard." You just did three things, announced you had a kid, DHV'd good dad, and a little nlp because you added emotions to it. 2 things could happen: she may not even have taken notice of the fact you had a kid (she may have assumed already, or its just that now a days everyone has a kid), or she'll go "hold on you have a kid?" If the second one happens just talk about how awesome they are then QUICKLY change subjects, because you did it. You don't want your kids to be the only thing both of you talk about from now on either.

If you try to keep it a secret, when it comes out she'll only have a negative frame when it comes out: every girl has some kind of daddy issues. Please please PLEASE keep her away from that negative daddy frame of the dad that doesn't want to hang with his kids or even mention them.