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View Full Version : Where to go from here? (Sorta bouncing back from friend zone. Long but good read)



Ten Itis
09-02-2011, 02:29 AM
Background story: http://www.theattractionforums.com/general-discussion/145917-keeps-semi-making-plans-me-then-backing-down.html (short but necessary read for this)

I ended up hanging out with this girl last Tuesday. It went okay, got a kiss, but it felt forced and...eh, didn't honestly feel a lot of chemistry.

I didn't reinitiate contact on Wednesday...but she ended up IMing me on facebook, initiating contact, to see how I was doing. We talked for a little bit, and I invited her over. She said she had a headache (I took that as a bull shit escuse...no biggie), but then she suggested that we hang out tomorrow. Told me she'd text me around 3:30 the next day.

The next day (Thursday), no text. I ended up texting her later that night (mistake on my part, I think) just to say hi and stuff. Had a semi-short convo, but didn't last long because both of us were going out. We ended up at the same place.

I was doing work at this place before I realized she was there...became friends with some of the bar staff and ended up getting a VIP bracelet...and I now have permanent VIP status at one of the hottest bars near my university...couldn't be more happy about that.

I end up realizing that her and her friends were there, so I just went and casually said hi. One of her friends who had no idea who I was gave me some serious IOIs just from my DHVing with pure fun and humor talking to the group. At this point, my HBTarget has become more distant and repeatedly is going to the bathroom with friends. Eventually, I just pull her aside.

Ten Itis: Yo, be real with me. What's going on here?
HB: What do you mean?
Ten Itis: Come on, sister. Nobody does homework for 7 hours a day or turns down hanging out with somebody they're attracted to because of a headache. Be real with me.
HB: ?
Ten Itis: One of two scenarios here - 1 is you're just not interested. Tell me. 2 is that you feel bad because I had my hand down your pants the first night I met you and you don't want me to get the wrong impression.
HB: No, I just don't want a relationship right now.
Ten Itis (smiling, having a good time): It's cool, sister. Just communicate this stuff to me. I have an iron self esteem...you ain't gonna hurt me.

I then turn my attention towards her friend. About that time two guys come say hi to me, I say hi back, raising my social proof a little bit. I once again begin talking to her friend again...I'm doing work with her friend (the one that had no idea I had hooked up with HBTarget). Absolutely no resistance to some pretty rapid kino escalation, and before I know it her friend is inviting me to come back with her to go skinny dipping. I asked for her number, and about that time one of HBTarget's other friends (who did know we hooked up) cockblocked the balls out of me. She grabbed her friend and pulled her away, standing in between the two of us so that this girl couldn't even give me her number.

But it was whatever. I returned to the VIP area, said goodbye to my new friends over there, and left the place, feeling pretty damn good about myself for almost hooking up with a smoking hot girl right in front of the girl that rejected me.

Anyway, as I'm leaving, I get a text from HBTarget basically saying "bla blah really sorry for not saying anything earlier. I hope I didn't hurt you...I just got out of a relationship and I don't want to jump into another."

I simply responded with "lol don worry about it"

She then texted me AGAIN: "Okay yeah i just got outta a shitty relationship sort of recently and need time to be single for a while"

I didn't respond, and then she double texted me: "Are we okay?"

I responded: "lol for soembody who isn't interested you're putting a lot of effort into this :p. Yes, we're good. I said I liked you. I didn't say I was attached. We cool."

She then responded with "Okay just making sure, I just feel bad. I want to be friends with you, I like you, but cannot do a relationship right now."

I didn't respond, and almost 3 hours later (4 in the morning), she double texted me a second time: "And just so you know, it's not that I'm not interested. I don't want you to think that. I care about ou and want to be friends if you do. I was in a relationship that was really bad for me, and am not ready to do that again. Just so you know."

No response from me as of yet (she sent em the damn thing at 4 am).



Anyway, if you're still with me at this point, thank you for reading. I originally saw this chick as relationship material, but it seems like she's damaged goods. Girls who just got out of bad relationships, from my experience, make bad girlfriends. That being said, she's double texting the crap out of me, even though I'm telling her all is good. Think there's anyway I can still get my dick wet here? How should I proceed with this?

inconspicuous
09-02-2011, 06:20 AM
Masterful.

I see so many guys post here about girls who start flaking or withdrawing or throwing up various excuses. So many guys WOULD confront a girl and ask "what the heck is going on?" But they'd do it from a place of panic or frustration. You managed to do it without being needy, reactive, or pushy. "Are you scared or just not interested? ... Hey it's cool! You can tell me that, I can take it. Let's have fun!"

You got huge bonus points for immediately moving on and having fun, again without being needy or pushy. You gave her the gift of missing you. Even if all you did was just be friendly and have a beer, she probably would have started missing you anyway. When you show interest in other girls, that amps up a LOT more. (There's a point where showing too much interest in other girls becomes try hard or sleazy, but you definitely didn't cross it.)

You're doing everything right. A lot of guys get terrified when a girl says "let's just be friends" and try to fight it. (I don't wanna be just friends!) But if a girl is attracted to you, nothing keeps her interest more than telling HER "we're gonna be great friends." When she thinks she can't have you, that's when she wants you. Hanging out with this girl as a friend doesn't mean you have to spend your time watching chick flicks and listening to her whine about her ex. When you hang with her, you can have an attraction-flirty vibe with a comfort-chill vibe. Be attractive and non-needy and she'll come around.

You're already doing it right.

Ten Itis
09-04-2011, 02:23 PM
Should I make contact with this girl if I'm trying to bang, or should I wait for her to make contact with me?