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nighnogh
08-23-2011, 10:04 AM
Ok guys I'm sorry it's a bit long but i need to put context so you get me on this one, so here goes. About six months ago I met this girl from my university, I'd say she's a HB 10. When I met this girl I was like WOOOOOOW, she was a friend of a friend of mine so I asked her to introduce her to me. We talked a bit all was good, I made it very very clear I was interested in her and we hit it off ok. There wasn't much progress but i knew i'd see her again

After a couple of months I bumped into her at a party and courted her and finally took her home, I was so proud of myself. After that I tried to set up a date but she told me she was kind of seeing someone, oh well I said at least i had her. I stopped talking to her for months and one day I don't know why but I decided it would be a good idea to send her a message through FB and that led to 100 other messages, she was showing sooo much investment, I was psyched but she still had a bf. In one of those messages I told her about a band I knew she liked and I told her I was going, she said she wanted to go too so naturally I told her to come with and she agreed. So we went and had some beers and we enjoyed the concert and at the end I told her we could go to my place and we could call a cab for her from there. When we arrived at my house she said she had no battery on her cellphone and that she couldn't call a cab (I had my cellphone and i have a telephone at my house, so yeah lame excuse but it worked for me) surely enough i offered her to stay, we talked and she then told me about her boyfriend trouble etc. etc. and then... it happened again.

After this she got very weird on me again and said that she couldn't believe she cheated on her bf bla bla bla, and we stopped talking for a while again, one day i called her and invited her to a party and she told me she'd love to at the end she flaked on me about three hours before the party, 'oh well'. After that she started sending me sms telling me that she was sorry and that she'd make it up to me. So one day we went to a bar and talked for hours, I guided the conversation and kinoed her and after i tried to kiss her but she wouldn't but the attraction was there, we were all over ourselves. At the end I went home empty handed but she called me when I got home and talked until sunrise. After this there was no stopping her, she would literally send me messages throughout the whole day, asking me how was my day, telling me funny stories about her day just that kind of talk, ALL DAY.

At that moment I thought, wow I did it, I finally seduced her, I finally have her eating out of my hand, so I played along we agreed to go out again but this time I was not going to leave empty handed. We danced I got in close I touched her we looked at each other, I kissed her and she pushed me away, it made me so angry. I told her we had to talk and so i dragged her to a quiet corner of the party and we talked, I asked her what was going on and she told me so much shit, the fast version would be: "I really really like you, I think you're flipping my world upside down, even my boyfriend asks me what is wrong with me lately, when I check my messages I check to see if you wrote. But I just can't." So my question was then what is the problem? if we like each other and you are in a dying relaionship why can't we just go with the flow. But i couldn't get her out of that I just can't mindset, so as much as it pissed me off i took her home and went home empty handed again.

Next day the messages again, I was like you have to be kidding me so I sent her a message saying that I was growing too fond of her and that I couldn't carry on messaging her and that we had to put a stop to it. She took about an hour to answer and finally she told me she would like to have lunch with me and talk thinks over. I told her no but she insisted and I finally agreed. We went and she told me that she had broken up with her bf but then she told me pretty much the same things as the night before, we finished eating I went to drop her off at her house and just before she got off I kissed her and then we hugged, made out a bit. Finally she asked me what we were going to do and I told her that if she didn't want to be with me that we couldn't talk anymore because we were just going to end up getting hurt. She agreed and got off of the car.

I know, I know this is oneitis. But what can I do, I really like this girl and I want her for me i told her we had to stop talking just so she'd realize how into me she was when she couldn't talk to me, and she did.

Three days later she couldn't handle it (she told me) and sent me an image of an inside joke we had. I asked her what gave and she told me that she never imagined this whole not talking thing would be so hard. She told me she had spent the last three days doing just about anything not to message me and that she just couldn't take it anymore and that's why she sent it, so i asked her if she had reconsidered and she told me her answer was the same, but that it just hurt so much to let me go...

At the end we resumed the not talking thing, but here i am now, thinking of what i could've done to make things different, anyone has some advice on how to convince her that we can have such a good time together? I am a writer so I wrote something about her, very poetic, I was considering sending it to her or maybe a different approach, any ideas guys? I know PUA is not about one but about women in general, I've learned so much about picking women up but now I found the one I want and apparently it "can't" happen, suggestions?

QueenBee
08-23-2011, 05:02 PM
I'm confused about whether she has broken up with the boyfriend or not. When that is official and she's gotten over this "can't" feeling, its possible she will return to you. I suggest saving the writing for a possible time in the future when you would be together and you would get real appreciation for it.

nighnogh
08-24-2011, 08:41 AM
Ok, a sensible advice, but what should I do meanwhile? Do I just sit with my arms crossed? She already went back with her boyfriend, but she's still sending me messages, what should I do? Stop answering? I'm feeling pretty lost here...

QueenBee
08-24-2011, 08:47 AM
If you don't want her while she has a boyfriend, yes, stop answering her messages. You've talked it out enough it seems. Now she needs to feel how it is not to have you and decide who she wants.

BryanSedman
08-24-2011, 08:49 AM
You're friend-zoned.. sounds like after the first hookup you have been friend-zoned since. She doesn't want to lose you as a friend, that's why she keeps stringing you along.

The way I use to get over girls that I have "onitis" for: just ignore her texts completely, no response, and hide her feed on facebook / don't look at her profile. After a few months, when you're over it you can go back and check if she's single and message her again. The fact you abstained from messaging her will be a huge attraction.

nighnogh
08-24-2011, 09:07 AM
You think? There was a second hook up though, and you don't check your cellphone constantly to see if a 'friend' has messaged you, plus we've talked it over, we both agreed we weren't friends... i don't think that's it although you do have a point... So stop answering her texts, that's the way to go... any last advice?

kcils
08-26-2011, 08:21 AM
I kissed her and she pushed me away, it made me so angry.
Seems like she pulled some push-and-pull on you here. You recovered after this but you showed some excess neediness.


i asked her if she had reconsidered and she told me her answer was the same

To me it seems you are trying to pressure her into this. She is attracted to you, obviously. I do not think you're truly friend-zoned if you keep making out/hooking up. You still have a shot here. You need to put your neediness away and tease her a bit - get that buying temperature back up. At this moment she knows she could have you whenever she wants; you're the ace in her back pocket. You need to get out of her reach a bit, do your own thing and not let her affect you so - stop being so needy for her attention! This will take you out of her back pocket and put you just outside the reach of her hand. Guarantee she'll want you 100x more.

Steven90007
08-26-2011, 12:11 PM
OK couple of things here;

1. You are spending waaayyyyyyy too much brain time on this chick. She should just be one potential F, on a very long list of chicks.
2. There are more than 3 BILLION women on this planet. She is not the be all and end all of women -- once again refer yourself to point one.
3. She is playing with you like a yo-yo. She calls you when she wants an ego boost and you're always good for it.
4. You've basically handed her your balls and you're only jerking yourself off. Stand up, be a man. YOU call the shots. You're really being a wuss here and that's not a position you want any chick to see you in.

So how do you recover??

What I would do from this point forward is forget about texting or writing this chick. When she text you looking for an ego boost - don't text her back right away but wait at minimum 24 full hours before texting her back and don't text her anything over the top. Two or three words and stop. Make her work to get your attention. Not the other way around.

Finally, forget about her because unless and until she's fully on board with you, you're basically just frustrating yourself for no reason.

Hope this helps.

nighnogh
08-30-2011, 11:59 AM
kcils, steven90007, you are both absolutely right!! Why is it that no matter how good you know these things you just fail to see them when you're in the shit. Well my story has taken quite a twist, after the first message I replied after we agreed not to talk to each other I stopped answering and she got pretty intense sending me messages asking me to answer her, at last i did, a very short dry message that said I don't get it, why do you insist on making this harder on both of us. After i sent this she totally exploded and she sent me shitloads of messages I'm going to post them here for you guys to tell me what you think. These are all seperate messages and they were all sent in about 3 minutes tops, she basically bombarded me:

because it's too damn hard

because i'm really confused

because i'm very susceptible right now and you flipped my world upside down

because i don't know what's going on or what i'm feeling or what i'm thinking

because i was in love and convinced about my boyfriend and you changed everything i thought i knew

because our concection is special

because the crisis you landed me in is not normal

because i can't give up that easily

because it hurts, and a lot

because i'm crazy and you make me feel sane

because you make me laugh so much...

because i like you a lot

because i have the best time with you

because i see my self at some point with you

because i hate everything had to be this way

because i was calm and you brought chaos

because you made me feel calm and you were good for me

because i started to care too much about you

because i hate that we couldn't just be friends <---( :s this one kind of scares me )

because i would've loved to have you in my life

because i want to know if you think about me

because i love the way you think and i love the way you see life

because i don't want to stop seeing you or texting you and even less i don't want to stop reading you

because you took my peace

so don't go acting like you're the victim!

I'm sorry, I exploded this is just being way too hard for me...

After this, yes I grew a big rubbery one and engaged in conversation for several hours after that, mistake? maybe...
How should I proceed now? I feel like she's looking for one last good reason to jump onboard with me but I'm kind of at conflict as to what that good move should be

Steven90007 I know, you are absolutely right, I'm investing waaaaay too much brain time on this chick, right now i'm a bit more deattached but I feel like I'm at this place where I'm one good move away from what I want, I'm going to just follow this one through and see where it takes me, hoping for the best but ready for the worst, and very ready to move on and keep playing the game and not tie myself up for a while longer, but for now I just wanna see where this leads.

QueenBee
08-30-2011, 12:06 PM
Reading you? She sounds like she's nuts about you. The emotional connection is very strong. But, she still needs to break up with the boyfriend.

Smooth0perator
08-30-2011, 12:11 PM
Stop talking. Start fucking. The rest will sort itself out.

kcils
08-30-2011, 01:29 PM
I'm going to just follow this one through and see where it takes me, hoping for the best but ready for the worst, and very ready to move on and keep playing the game and not tie myself up for a while longer, but for now I just wanna see where this leads.

Hate how people refer to this as 'a game' - no this is not Monopoly. There is no definition of a winner or loser. That is why it is not a game. This is social dynamics. Its a science, an understanding of social interactions. Just a pet peeve of mine :p



because it's too damn hard

because i'm really confused

because i'm very susceptible right now and you flipped my world upside down

because i don't know what's going on or what i'm feeling or what i'm thinking

because i was in love and convinced about my boyfriend and you changed everything i thought i knew

because our concection is special

because the crisis you landed me in is not normal

because i can't give up that easily

because it hurts, and a lot

because i'm crazy and you make me feel sane

because you make me laugh so much...

because i like you a lot

because i have the best time with you

because i see my self at some point with you

because i hate everything had to be this way

because i was calm and you brought chaos

because you made me feel calm and you were good for me

because i started to care too much about you

because i hate that we couldn't just be friends <---( :s this one kind of scares me )

because i would've loved to have you in my life

because i want to know if you think about me

because i love the way you think and i love the way you see life

because i don't want to stop seeing you or texting you and even less i don't want to stop reading you

because you took my peace

so don't go acting like you're the victim!

Wow.... Look at this mixed list of EXCUSES she cannot be with you and REASONS she does want to be with you. Did you read the topic of both the excuses and reasons correctly? EXCUSES and REASONS to BE WITH YOU/HAVE YOU IN HER LIFE.

She has EXCUSES because these are her egos way of protecting herself from getting into a situation where she would open up to someone [you], risk getting hurt/hurting someone [her boyfriend] and shows some slight insecurities she has. You need to calm her mind and make her realize YOU are there. DO NOT say you are there FOR HER. WRONG! You are there for your desires if she chooses to meet you there. Simple.

Her REASONS she wants you around include:



you flipped my world upside down

because our concection is special

because you make me laugh so much...

because i like you a lot

because i have the best time with you

because i see my self at some point with you

because you made me feel calm and you were good for me

because i would've loved to have you in my life

because i want to know if you think about me

because i love the way you think and i love the way you see life


Umm... she wants you in her life. You just need to make her realize that you could be gone in a moment, if she does not choose you, and she must capitalize on the time she can get you or you may *poof* be gone and be with other women. You've done your part - she needs to do hers.

watr008
08-30-2011, 06:39 PM
Wow, dude.
Cut your losses. She is indecisive. Ask yourself when you first join the community what made you sick of your curreny girl situation.
What is it you want in a woman, not girl, have options, get away from the girls who cant make up their minds tether you around?
She sounds like my ex. Whenever we broke up, she always dated another guy, then they would break up and come back crying to me.
I would ask why me? You left.
Because: youre different, youre deep, you have personality, you have goals, great expectations, a life i want to blah blah blah
Generic compliments. Its like a fucking hallmark card, they are generic.
Move on, forget her. No one is the same, she is special to you, but will you find someone like her? Hell no...someone better.
Dip out, eject, punch out, what have you.



You cant be everything to everyone.

Steven90007
09-01-2011, 12:07 PM
OK for one thing I'm hoping you don't want to be in a LTR with the chick because she sounds like she's a big bag of nuts and you don't want that in your life (not to mention she gets a big fat F in the trustworthy section of life).

But it's time to F-close on this chick. Pick a day to be with her and you're either going to bang the shit out of her. If she says anything other than, "oh please yes" then you need to move away from this chick because she is a waste of time.

And I'm not saying you can't play with her in your spare time (I mean when you have nothing better to do and nothing is on the tv) but she shouldn't be the focus of your attention if you can't F' her now.

I'm still not sure if she's not just being an attention whore and just has some sick obsession with having drama in her life. I've met chicks like that before and you can still F' them but getting to it is a pain and after you get it, it's even worse. So be careful out there.

Good luck.

ChestyPuller
11-01-2011, 10:48 AM
I find it's never a good idea to "talk things out" with a girl. It's like that LMR you get when they start thinking logically and, if you address it, it's over. Just pretend like what's going on isn't going on. Keep pushing for the close, keep push-pulling and all the other shit, and eventually her emotions will overwhelm any logical reasons she has for not hooking up with you and it'll happen. Then you're money.