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Grimbo
08-08-2011, 09:54 PM
Disclaimer: I suck at spelling and grammar. Grammar Nazis beware, this may give you a heart attack.

I had a conversation with my friend today, about a girl he is interested in. She is not interested in a relationship, just a ONS, or maybe FWB. He flat out told a HB 9 no, he wont sleep with her. I was naturally shocked, amazed, and even a little annoyed that he shot her down. I naturally told him that I would go for it if I had that chance. He told me something that made me sit down to write this post: "Of course you would, Im a better person than you." He said this in the heat of the moment, and later said he meant that I go for the SNL and such, he wants relationships, but it annoyed me more than a little.
So now I am here to say something on sex, masculinity, and morals (Even though I am a really young kid, and I have not much experience i this area, I will tell it like I think it is).


1. Morals: Guys like sex. Girls do as well. Having casual sex is not a bad thing, and doesnt make you a bad person, I can name several people who have multiple partners and/or were sex crazed, who are the kindest, and nicest people I know. There is nothing right or wrong with sex, its natural, and everybody's choice how they use their body. It does not affect how good of a person you are, or how bad.
The only exception I can see to this is if you violate some code or rule you have to get some an awesome person, but if you did, you have to live with your choice.
In the words of CMPitts "I won't drop my morals to get a little a head, or even a little head :P"

My friend also mentioned something about finding your masculinity or self worth through the following things.
2. Masculinity: Some guys seem to think that sleeping with a huge amount of women makes you a better man, or lining your pockets with $$ from your job and buying man toys does that to. Thats their view.
I think what really defines a man as a good person, and an accomplished man is the impact he leaves on others lives. A quality man, and life comes down to relationships. I like to think of myself as a good person, even though the media may portray "puas" (amateur pua in my case :P) as bad people. I say that because I try to help whenever I can, or make people feel good when in my presence.
Another sad example is 9/11. As people realized what was happening on those fateful flights; they called their families for their last good byes and words. Nobody called their stock brokers, or friends to brag about some nice ass they got, or their new Lexus in the drive way. In the words of Tyler Durden...You arent your fucking khakis!

It all came down to the relationships you formed, and lives you touched. That in my humble oppinion, is what makes a man. I'll leave you with a quote that I heard that I really think rings true.
"What we have done for ourselves alone dies with us; what we have done for our friends and the world is immortal."

Thats all I have to say guys, have a great day.

- Grimbo

And baconstrips
08-09-2011, 12:27 AM
Word!

Actually, what a lot of this comes down to is the beliefs society imposed on us. It's easy for someone to think he's a good person for telling a hb9 no, because society taught us some weird shit.

1. Girls don't like sex
2. Men have to trick girls into having sex.
3. You should have at least a long term relationship if you want to have sex with a girl.
4. Pua's trick girls.

Of course, all are false. But, since everyone believes them, it's easy for someone who didn't really think about this to just go with the masses and believe this too. Once put deeply into your beliefsystem, it's easy to assume you're a better person for nof ons-ing a 9.

AB

OldFart
08-09-2011, 03:39 PM
Grimbo,
I really liked your take on this.
Let me offer you my rules of life and the rules that I stick to when engaging women. Perhaps this will help set things in perspective somehow.

I donīt trick, lie or oversell myself to get sex. (Had much lower moral standards in my younger days)
I donīt sell myself as a potential BF if all I want is casual sex. (I used to say just about anything, if it would get me some poontang)
I tell them straight up if I donīt want to see them again. (I used to just ignore women, that I had no more interest in)

And I do all of this, because it works for me.
It gives me peace of mind, and makes me feel good about myself.
If I meet an ex-lover/date later on, I can do so with my head held high - and I donīt have to wonder about some jealous lover I belittled or cheated.

This has ZERO to do with having lots of girls or not.
You can have ONE girlfriend that you treat poorly, and you can see many women that you treat well.
Saying "No" to an HB9 is neither good or bad in itself - it depends on the reasons why you said no.

I recently turned down seeing an HB9 anymore, simply because she had a personality that was a major turnoff for me.
Had nothing to do with morals, just taste.
I TOLD her this in a diplomatic way, because thatīs what works for me. I donīt like loose ends.
If I had strung her along, telling her I was interested in her - just because I wanted to fondle her amazing tits, THAT would have been different.

Having high moral standards is always easy when itīs convenient - and very hard when itīs not.
IMO there are few bigger self-esteem boosters than "doing the right thing" - instead of instinctively banging some amazing woman who wants a steady BF and all u want is a FWB.

codo3500
08-09-2011, 05:09 PM
Nice post bro!

For me, this ties in very closely to the term 'player' and how it gets used on PUA's.

I don't consider myself a 'player' - purely because I never actually lie about my expectations about where I see a relationship going. I'm very honest about ONS's, and if it was going to be more I'd tell her.

In saying that, it's easy to categorize guys into the whole 'trying to be masculine' thing by hitting the gym hard and having shiny things, I've found this a lot recently especially when meeting up with a girl I met online. Perhaps I'm not congruent with my online personality enough, but I think physically, the way I look, the way I dress .etc has given off the wrong impression, as I get many comments about how shocked they are at how down to earth I am. For me, the whole idea of shiny things is because they make me feel good, they're not to make the world jealous - this is where a lot of guys go wrong.

hg1940
08-09-2011, 06:12 PM
I agree with most that have been said, but on the particulars of your friend, do you know if he is in a relationship? is the girl in a relationship perhaps? I hope I do not sound like having double standards, but I think that in this particular case, it is not at all against manhood and chivalry to have this ONS. If they are both free of engagements why not?

I imagine that for a woman, offering something like this must have been very difficult, and then being rejected this way, is almost like being humiliated. And that's not chivalrous on his part. I think he might regret this badly at some point.

Grimbo
08-09-2011, 06:20 PM
They are both single. She prefers being single and going for hook ups. Shes going to a club with us this thursday, and asked to stay the night with us afterward. Her exact words to him were "Do you want me to be your gf for just the night when we get back to your place?" In his place I woulda grabbed her and said no, right now!

codo3500
08-09-2011, 07:41 PM
They are both single. She prefers being single and going for hook ups. Shes going to a club with us this thursday, and asked to stay the night with us afterward. Her exact words to him were "Do you want me to be your gf for just the night when we get back to your place?" In his place I woulda grabbed her and said no, right now!

Maybe why that's why she's chasing him so hard and not trying to tear your pants off instead ;)

Grimbo
09-20-2011, 12:34 AM
Maybe why that's why she's chasing him so hard and not trying to tear your pants off instead ;)

Just saw this lol...dont make me fly over the pond and slap the crap outa your body builder self :P

BetterThan
12-06-2011, 01:48 PM
I've seen this post before, but definitely agree on the high-quality part of the post.

Being the best one can be doesn't mean how much money one has, how many women one has slept with, how many women one has "gamed", but rather, how much of an impact one has on the lives of his friends, family and significant others that may come and go in his or her lifetime.

Hitman47
12-06-2011, 03:42 PM
I like your take on things. However there's never a definition of good and bad. Noone knows.

Fact is to your friend's view on sleeping with a lot of women is not good. This is just his opinion and even though you do not agree you should respect it.
You being "annoyed" by him shutting down a HB9 is as bad as him being "annoyed" by you for wanting to sleep with her even though she goes around

I agree on the second part of you post. (where you say it's not about bragging, it's about giving) However I highly doubt your friend wanted to brag about anything. He just spoke his mind.

Also I would seriously doubt the part where you say "Girls like sex, guys do too". Are you sure of this?
I am not. I for once, found out that the moment you have access to A LOT of sex you stop wanting it so much. It almost becomes empty without a person you have shared other experiences with. And while I don't believe in monogamy. You have to choose your women right. You will not have the time to constantly share lots of experiences with everyone you're sleeping with if you sleep with a lot of people.

I'm getting too long on this, but last thing, Yes, as someone said we are pushed by society to believe girls don't like sex, you have to be in a relationship, etc. But there is almost as much influence out there, to stop being a pussy, be a man, be an animal, you shouldn't have feelings, but just fuck everything that you can.
The choice is yours... or you can come up with a gray middle path altogether that best suits YOU...

watr008
12-06-2011, 03:55 PM
You're not your job. You're not how much money you have in the bank. You're not the car you drive. You're not the contents of your wallet. You're not your fucking khakis. You're the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world. ~Fight Club