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Dirk_Diggler
01-10-2011, 09:37 AM
about a few weeks ago, i met a stunning HB8 out at the mall. we talked and we shared all sorts of thing about each other i had to get to know her better. so we exchanged numbers.

about a few days go by and im getting all sorts of text messages about how she isnt happy with her current BF. this in mind, im thinking time to meet up.:cool:

so we meet and we have sex. After wards she is going on and on about how depressed her BF is, and i told her that she shouldn't worry about him when she is with me.

we have been talking and i was starting to really like her. she is really a cool person i want my friends and possibly my family to meet. So she texts me AGAIN about her grouchy depressed BF, i said "so then why are you still with him?"

she tells me she doesn't want to make any big decisions yet. and i said thats fine, when the time is right. you will know what to do.

two nights ago i get a text from her saying "iv decided to break up with him, I feel it in my heart that this is the right choice. blah blah blah":cool:

so when she did the dirty deed. she told me he was completely numb to what ever she said but it looked like he was really heartbroken.

later that night i receive a text from her... "i found him dead"

I had found out that, that night he had taken Xanax and drank too much which combined creates death.

His friends were telling his now X-gf that he had came to the party pretty upset. no one could seem to find out what the problem was, and I am pretty sure her and I know what he was upset about.

all of this, and in someway i feel somewhat responsible for what happened. had we never had sex she would have still been with him and he might still be alive today i suppose.

what are your opinions? and it is my belief she is very upset at the moment. what do you guys think i can do to recover from this?

jono3
01-10-2011, 10:40 AM
wow thats completely f'd up. you shouldn't feel responsible in the slightest though. really. he clearly had some very heavy issues going on. but i could see how that would really rattle you.

i would definitely give this girl a lot of space for a while. i can't imagine what it would feel like for her. i'm sure she might have feelings of guilt much worse than anything you're feeling. and it's not her fault either. but i'd just give her some space.

ps. i know things happen, and temptation usually gets the best out of most of us, including me. but any girl that cheats on her bf with you is def high risk to cheat on you at some point. and personally having just been through a gf cheating on me, for the first time in my life, i can tell you how much i will stay away from these types of ppl in the future as it's an extremely selfish, gutless, inconsiderate, etc etc etc, thing to do.

ArtilleryGuy
01-10-2011, 02:20 PM
Do no feel responsible for this. The guy was unstable and his girlfriend broke up with her. If it wasn't going to be you it would have been with somebody else. This kind of thinking can be extremely dangerous and can cause psychological damage. Seriously, don't let it get to you and if you feel like it is, be honest with yourself and find a professional to talk to.

beavretrieve
01-10-2011, 04:54 PM
Dont bother with her.

Vapor
01-10-2011, 05:02 PM
Really sorry this happened. Obviously not your fault, but I see how it could (irrationally) make you feel somewhat responsible. Honestly, millions of women break up with their boyfriends every day, and they don't try to kill themselves over it. This guy had serious problems before you hooked up with his GF, and she would have dumped him sooner or later regardless, and he would have tried this sooner or later anyway. For all you know it might have happened sooner.

I could see how you might lay off girls who have BFs from now on, and that's not a bad policy anyway. But I would definitely have a chat with a professional and make sure you are doing OK. That is some traumatic stuff. PM me if you want to chat.

Dirk_Diggler
01-10-2011, 05:03 PM
thank you guys, and keep the posts coming.

you know its kinda of a bumber that it happened.

you dont find a chapter on "how to deal with an X who had a drug overdose" in any pick up books.

alas he was very depressed therefore his death would have happened with or without my game.

now i gotta figure out what i wanna do with this girl.

she cheated on him for me, so its likely she will cheat on me too.

now she has no one, but she has an awesome personality, super fun, and great sense of humor.

ughh what to do!

Certifiable
01-10-2011, 06:56 PM
Dude, no way are you responsible. As said above many times, she was an accident waiting to happen. Blaming yourself would be highly arrogant.

As for her.... Two thoughts come to mind. First, if she's not crying and freaked out with blaming herself and generally a total stay in pajamas and eat an entire box of cocoa puffs with rum freaking mess, and you can't verify the report through trustworty third parties, she's lying as a means to get you to drop her.

If you're unsure how much guilt you might deserve, consider her.... Women cry when they break up with someone, and they are doing the breaking up. Add "cheating" and "dead" and she ought to be a basket case.

If she isn't there is something so incredibly cold, sociopathic, narcissistic and closed off about her I doubt a healthy normal relationship is possible. Never mind cheating, that chick might do you for your life insurance.

fzit0
01-10-2011, 07:12 PM
It's not your fault, nor hers.

But, I suggest you look at the situation objectively. She cheated him, she can cheat anybody.

When A girl has a boyfriend yet cheats on him with me, I consider that a red flag. Thats an indicator of what your future with her might be like.

I also suggest you be there for her if she needs you, but only as a friend. Remember the red flags.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Bearing
01-10-2011, 08:03 PM
Wow. As hard as it may be, keep reminding yourself that this was not your fault, because it was NOT. People don't end their own lives over singular problems.

PM me if you wanna talk man, I'm in northern Jersey, so very close to you.

smokinmonkey
01-13-2011, 02:26 AM
I haven't read the other replies, but as you knew he was already depressed. Anything could gave tipped him over the edge. People in the frame of mind to commit suicide will end up doing it someday no matter what.

To take your own life you probably think about it everyday, and build yourself a false comfort that its the right thing to do. You shouldn't feel guilty at all.

On the other hand the relationship with this girl could ultimately be doomed because if it.

Buckwild
01-13-2011, 02:59 AM
Fucking hell, this happened in my social circle as well.

Warning: I'm very bitter. :confused:

You are not responsible for his death, true.

However, I genuinely hope you will reflect upon this. This thread says a lot about your value systems... You either are incredibly naive or don't give a rat's ass about other people. How did you think a cheating GF would make a depressed guy feel? Don't you have morals?

I don't have anything against BF-destroyers, but you should know when to use it. Irresponsible to use it when the BF is depressed.

What have you gained? Just another girl to add to your lay count?
You cleary didn't have the intention to turn her into a GF, just a FB. "she cheated on him and will probably cheat on me too". Yeah, that's right. But even more disturbing is that she should be supportive, instead she chose to fuck you.


what do you guys think i can do to recover from this?

So a guy just killed himself, his ex-GF is upset.
And the only thing you are thinking about is how to get her under your sheets?
Well, you shouldn't. She's scarred for life.

Dirk_Diggler
01-13-2011, 09:38 AM
Fucking hell, this happened in my social circle as well.

Warning: I'm very bitter. :confused:

You are not responsible for his death, true.

However, I genuinely hope you will reflect upon this. This thread says a lot about your value systems... You either are incredibly naive or don't give a rat's ass about other people. How did you think a cheating GF would make a depressed guy feel? Don't you have morals?

I don't have anything against BF-destroyers, but you should know when to use it. Irresponsible to use it when the BF is depressed.

What have you gained? Just another girl to add to your lay count?
You cleary didn't have the intention to turn her into a GF, just a FB. "she cheated on him and will probably cheat on me too". Yeah, that's right. But even more disturbing is that she should be supportive, instead she chose to fuck you.



So a guy just killed himself, his ex-GF is upset.
And the only thing you are thinking about is how to get her under your sheets?
Well, you shouldn't. She's scarred for life.

clearly you havent read my OP


we have been talking and i was starting to really like her. she is really a cool person i want my friends and possibly my family to meet. So she texts me AGAIN about her grouchy depressed BF, i said "so then why are you still with him?"

she tells me she doesn't want to make any big decisions yet. and i said thats fine, when the time is right. you will know what to do.


she was a girl i sincerely thought about making a LTR for a min.

then shit hit the fan.

please read before you post.

Buckwild
01-13-2011, 10:20 AM
she was a girl i sincerely thought about making a LTR for a min.
then shit hit the fan.
please read before you post

Really?



now i gotta figure out what i wanna do with this girl.
she cheated on him for me, so its likely she will cheat on me too.

Great mindset to have in a LTR! Great success!

But anyhow we are here to help and I'm sure you wouldn't have continued if you knew this would be the outcome.

So to answer your question: "how do you recover from this?"
It will be a long hard road. Right now she will need your comfort.
And if she's still interested, prepare from some backwards rationalization & negative anchors.
She is responsible for the cheating and the breaking up was her decision, but indirect she will associate it with you.

Best of luck!

Bearing
01-13-2011, 11:27 AM
Buckwild, he's not asking "how do I recover from this?" in the sense of getting with her again, he's asking in more of a personal way with the whole situation. That's what I got from it at least.

smallfry
01-15-2011, 09:14 AM
Here's what you do now: EJECT!!!!!!!! This isn't worth it.