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View Full Version : confused.. advice plz.



Thebulls23
01-03-2011, 06:00 AM
This girl and i have been talking for about 2 months now. we have gotten close and about 2 weeks ago i told her i had feelings for her. i fucked up and started being needy and since then i feel like she has the upper hand and is in control. i fully understand i messed up. then after we would get close she would back off but then she returns... like shes scared.. i know she cares about me though and she wants something in the future. she is still in love with her ex from a 3 year relationship...does anybody believe that if i act like i dont care anymore she will return??.. i started acting like i dont care and she called me last night.. out of the blue.. before i messed up andi started smothering her i remember she would text me all the time... then its like we switched and she got bored... any advice on how to get back in the game?? plz.. advice.. plz dont tell me to let her go.. i would like to work this out..

Serialdrummer09
01-03-2011, 08:35 PM
ouch, this is one gonna be tricky bud what i would do is dont act like you dont care just act playful threw txt and in person honestly act like none of that mushy shit you did earlier ever happened. show her that you have changed a little bit, try on something that you never wear such as a cool new necklace that has a story behind it. what happened is when you started smothering her it showed that you were extremely interested in her which means she knew she had you, now your no fun to chase or play around with. just make your self harder to win over when it comes to anything shes asks of you, just be busy for about a week and then txt her saying something like "hey stranger been a while since ive heard from you, did you go and get yourself arrested again...am i going to have to come bail you out! :) remember dude keep it playful and i hope this helped.

coolbutters
01-04-2011, 12:36 AM
Hey Bulls,

Let me ask you a question.....if it was me asking you this.....what would you say?

When you do talk t her, pretend nothing happened. Get a hold of yourself and go do some cool shit with people that are interesting to hang out with. Then, when you talk to her, you've got something interesting to say other than "I love you I want you I need you" sorta shit.

You've done well to recgnise that you were being a bit needy. So the next thing is change it. Ask yourself, why do I think I need this person so much?

If it's cos your lonely....admit it. We are all alone, be comfortable with it. We don't need anybody else to be WHOLE. You are already whole. But if you want to be with someone to SHARE experiences with, then that is a lot more meaningful.

There is a saying by a guy named OSHO (not Usher). Loneliness is the absence of the other - be it beloved, friend, wife or husband. Aloneness is the presence of yourself - you need not for another to be happy.

Hope tis didn't muddy te water for you too much mate. PM me if you need clarification.

Regards,

Corey

sukay
01-04-2011, 03:20 AM
I would not wait around for just one girl, just too many variables like she could get back with her ex.. etc Date more girls, you're be better off in the long run, a better person all round.
If she happens to become available (emotionally available) then bonus or else you could be wasting lots of time and effort that you could have put to better use.

Thebulls23
01-04-2011, 09:11 AM
thanks guys.. i appreciate it.. yeah we would talk and then she would back off... i hated it.. so i would run back to her and text her... ive been playing my cards right since sunday and she actually called that night.. then yesterday she texted me a question... i know i should date more girls but i put a lot into being with her... im currently speaking to other women but i would love to have her in my life... ill keep you guys updated... any advice more advice would be great!!!.. she would come to my job and have lunch with me and at the beggining she would text me every morning... thats before i became the needy person..

-coolbutters, yeah i felt very lonely after a while because we would spend so much time together then she would bail on me.. she totally had the upper hand and it sucks..im trying to give it time and im going to start over and hopefully things will go through.. she would come to my job and have lunch with me so i knew the connection was there.. and i know she has trust issues from a 3 year relationship that she got left in... if u were asking me the question i would tell u to give it time and approach her with the right techniques..

Vapor
01-04-2011, 09:16 AM
about 2 weeks ago i told her i had feelings for her.
Always a disaster. :(

Thebulls23
01-04-2011, 09:26 AM
i know.. but i was honestly trying to outcast myself from diff guys in her life.. u live and you learn i guess...im very attracted to her though. but she replied in a good way after that.. she said "its a good move"... the next day she texted me "hey handsome"... from there we changed and i started treating her like my GF.. but i fucked up when i started being needy and didnt give much space... we went from her texting me every morning and all day to me texting her first and she replying in one word answers like if she lost interest... : (... im trying to get back in there though!!!..

sonnyc88
01-04-2011, 02:49 PM
sucks man im kinda in the same boat just minus the expression of feelings and show of neediness (i have made that mistake too) im talking to a girl im interested in also, i think the best advice i can give is just act like you don't care too much...

maybe someone on here can help me too... ive been talking to this girl for a little bit now we would text infrequently and would make plans to hang out but then something would always come up both on my end and hers. finally we were able to get together for a drink and since then our conversations have been better however i didn't talk to her for a whole day to kinda do a little push/pull and not seem too over-interested. i think it may have back fired against me now she seems to be flaking on me. she wont respond to my texts and although we had something set up for friday when i mentioned it she said she may have to work. am i reading too much into it or should i be genuinely concerned?

jazzledazzle1
01-06-2011, 11:03 AM
Always a disaster. :(
even if she had expressed her feelings first?


i know.. but i was honestly trying to outcast myself from diff guys in her life.. u live and you learn i guess...im very attracted to her though. but she replied in a good way after that.. she said "its a good move"... the next day she texted me "hey handsome"... from there we changed and i started treating her like my GF.. but i fucked up when i started being needy and didnt give much space... we went from her texting me every morning and all day to me texting her first and she replying in one word answers like if she lost interest... : (... im trying to get back in there though!!!..

I'm like in the same boat as ya man, go check out my thread. our situations are pretty damn similar. Except ive been fclosing her for a while. But yeah I feel like shes lost interest or something because she started to ignore my text, even when I was replying to her texts with a question. Not sure what to do but when she did ignore my texts I just didn't contact her again. Been about 2 days since I talked to her. Can't get her out of my head, feels bad man lol

Thebulls23
01-06-2011, 08:52 PM
yeah broo def!!... she called me sunday and texted me monday... but i havent hit her up since... im just tired of the friendship shit u know...its so stressing because u want something more with her. yeah i mess with other girls and shit but im too focused on this one girl.... what im doing now is just giving it time and hopefully start fresh and see how it goes with the techniques i learned on here... its like my 3rd day on here and ive learned so much useful info.. but keep me updated on ur situation bro.. good luck!!

10SION
03-18-2011, 04:34 PM
hey bro first of all thanks for your comment on my post !
its really a good feeling to read that there are more guys in the same fuckin situation.

i dont know if i can give you the best advice on this, im also just starting out with the whole love systems techniques and so on. but im in the same situation like you man.

the girl i met for about 2 months or so, first seemed really interested and chased me like a crazy one, and the more i ignored her and treater her kinda like an ass. the more it seemed she chased me. but now after i spend some time with her, that girl really turned me on. not just in physical way. she has a great personality and we had so much fun. man its such a fuckin feeling when you know you fucked it up and you want all that what you had back. i dont wanna seem weak, but it really really hurts :( im so fucked up since everything changed with her.

in the beginning when i met her through a girl friend of me i acted like i really dont care, cause at the point i really didnt care bout her. and then i did so much things right with her, things that i messed up in similiar situations in the past. it felt so good to see things improving and get better.
but i didnt make a move and didnt kiss her. and then i was too afraid to just be friends with her, cause thats one of the worst things that can happen (my opinion). and acted a bit needy, and get pissed off when she told me bout other guys she like... and yes now i dont know how to act with her.
i now i should just go on and so on, i do that. but that girl doesnt get out of my head :( i really miss the feeling of her being around. and writing me every day and texting me so often and so on :( it feels really bad