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roflcakes1
12-23-2010, 11:42 PM
So basically this girl I'm dating is ridiculously inexperienced. Shes muslim, and I'm her first boyfriend (we're both 18), so its understandable. I agreed to go slow with her, but im at my breaking point pretty much. She talks dirty, sends sexy pics, I've even had her topless in my bed for the night, but she refuses to go any farther. Physically, I ALWAYS have to initiate. If I dont, we won't do anything lol. I've tried every kino technique to escalate, nothing. She constantly compares our relationship to her friend's (also muslim), in which they haven't done anything for a year and counting. Then recently she started making little jokes about how we're not gonna do it, how i have to wait etc. I basically told her today if she thinks im waiting a year, or even 6 months she's crazy. What do you guys think? Thx

Rdawg
12-23-2010, 11:53 PM
drop her or wait, simple as that.

I know a few girls that will under no circumstances have sex with a guy without being married(One of the girls is very attractive and has done everytihng but, but will not go further).

There's actually a psychological thing related to this, I'm currently studying communications and psychology and one thing advertisers struggle/want to accomplish in order to bring someone to support their product(I.E a vegetarian to become someone who eats meat) is to slowly influence them into doing it by changing their underlying beliefs(I.E Religion/personal values) through the many techniques of learning(Operant, social etc.) it's very difficult, it's very time consuming.

ultimately, There's a difference between slow, and SLOW, if you dont want to be waiting along time just drop it. Give her an ultimatum, if she doesn't have sex with you within a few months or whatever, tell her she's going to lose you.(this probably wont go over well but honestly what choice do you have if you want sex?)

philonoist
12-24-2010, 12:12 AM
Rdawg, funny you should mention that, as I was a Comms major at OSU before i joined the Navy. He's got a good point, you don't a tea-drinker to start drinking coffee by giving her a black coffee from starbucks, you get them a tasty treat like a cappuccino first, then ease them into it. When I was in HS my girlfriend and i waited almost a year and a half before we had sex. I didn't know any better back then, and we were both virgins, so i was ok with it. She was awesome, and the lessons about respecting women i learned from my parents were so deeply ingrained that i thought it meant never to push for sex, so i always dropped it on the first sign of resistance. It's one of the reasons i haven't gotten laid too much since then. So, from a guy who was in your shoes at one point, let me tell you this. You will most likely not marry this girl. If sex is that important to you, then you should let her go so she can be with a guy who's willing to wait. You will be able to find someone as cool as her who will want to sleep with you, trust me. Sometimes (and i wish i had known this back then) they want you to initiate. And does that mean you might have to do it all the time? Yeah, it does. Does that suck? Yup, a little bit. I never initiated because of my intense fear of rejection, it's awkward and it sucks. But it will get her thinking about it, and going back to the Comms reference, it will eventually get her to the point where she says, "this guy is patient and he's worth it" and boom, you get to have sex, and it's with an awesome girl. Hope that helps brother!

roflcakes1
12-24-2010, 10:58 AM
Thanks for the replies guys, i really appreciate it. So drop her or wait is pretty much the answer eh.. my only problem is she really is great. (i know everyone says this..) and she does want to have sex with me, shes just "scared" as she puts it. unfortunately this leads me to be really nice and accepting as im trying to up the comfort.. this isnt my natural game and it isnt how i attracted her in the first place. shes gone for a week on vacation, I will probably drop the ultimatum on her when she gets back.. wish me luck :p

roflcakes1
01-04-2011, 04:26 PM
*update* lol well i told her im not down to wait for her, and we broke up. her friends have been non-stop texting me asking for my explanation and when i give it they say if i really like her I'd wait. meh. of course all my male friends totally agree with my course of action lmao.. mehhhhhhhh is all i can say.

Ita_vero
01-06-2011, 04:42 AM
It doesn't seem you know what you want. You want sex? Go and fuck someone who actually wants sex. So what if you could manipulate her over time to have sex with you? It would have taken a lot of time and effort not to mention skill, and I think it's pretty unethical. Then there's all the fucked-up psychology that goes with very religious people. It's not like there's a dearth of 18-year-old girls who are up for sex, so I think you did the right thing. If I were you, though, I wouldn't tell people you broke up because she didn't want sex; that just makes you look shallow. Your male friends might approve, but it's not them you want to get with.

Dirk_Diggler
01-06-2011, 09:15 AM
I agreed to go slow with her

that was your first mistake right there.

you didn't have to "agree" to go slow, but you can agree to not have sex at that moment. this makes her feels safe that your not pushing her for sex, but that there is still potenital that you two will have it at any given time. this is exciting for girls because they wont know what is going to happen and when it will happen. and thus keeps it in there mind that they may have sex at any given time with you. TONS of FUN!


she talks dirty, sends sexy pics, I've even had her topless in my bed for the night, but she refuses to go any farther. Physically, I ALWAYS have to initiate. If I dont, we won't do anything lol.

right, you guys are very young. so intercourse is kinda of a big deal, at least in my expirence when i was 18 (and a virgin) it was.

YES! you will ALWAYS have to initiate anything sexual with a girl. It is my expirence that after I have had sex with a woman, she will Initiate sex with me. sometimes you will find a girl that does it all the way, but this is generally uncommon. this isnt a bad thing, In Fact its awesome! being a male you have the freedom to get what you want from a woman. If a girl i know gives great head or the best palm job I'v ever had, i will initiate that because thats what i want from her.

its not so much that she "refuses" to go farther, since she send you pics and was even topless on your bed. but that she is experiencing anxiety just before your about to have it, we call this LMR. since she is a virgin, LMR is a new feeling to her. so she feels she isnt ready yet no matter how eager she wants it.

http://www.|||||||||||||/pua-definitions/last-minute-resistance-lmr/


Then recently she started making little jokes about how we're not gonna do it, how i have to wait etc

the very fact that she is joking about it mean she is thinking about having sex with you.

for example, if i tell you DONT PICTURE A RED CAR...what did you just picture in your head?

she has a reputation and doesn't want to come off to you as "easy". we call this ASD
http://www.|||||||||||||/pua-definitions/anti-slut-defense-asd/


I basically told her today if she thinks im waiting a year, or even 6 months she's crazy. What do you guys think? Thx

ehh, kinda weak, your sub-communicating that your a desperate horny guy who is drooling to get it in, making her the prize (i bet she didnt respond to that if it was a txt message). i would have teased a little to get attraction going by saying "we haven't even hung out yet and your already thinking of sex, im flattered" now, YOUR the prize.

in conclusion, she is soaking in her panties over you, so there is no need to think you will have to wait a lifetime. you need to get past her ASD and her LMR. Magic Bullets goes into this with great detail.

roflcakes1
01-06-2011, 02:00 PM
Hey guys thanks for the replies..

I thought it was good to never apologize for being sexual, or wanting sex? Basically what i told this girl was that i respect her decision to abstain, but that I am a sexual person and want a sexual relationship. I was totally down to give it some time, even though I already had, and she knew that. Problem was when she said a year? No thanks. @Dirk, i get what you're saying about her being the prize etc, but since shes a virgin and really new, i thought it would be good to mix in how much i want her, think shes sexy etc for comfort.. wrong?

Dirk_Diggler
01-07-2011, 10:42 AM
i get what you're saying about her being the prize etc, but since shes a virgin and really new, i thought it would be good to mix in how much i want her, think shes sexy etc for comfort .. wrong?



see its not so much expressing to her those things, its HOW you express it.

telling her how much you want her, is not good.

telling her you find her interesting because she is funny, smart, plays a musical instrument well, etc. is KEY. giving her these reasons why you like her separates you from the boys who like her because "so is so hott/sexy". you must express to her certain things about her that you find interesting other than her looks, or because "she likes you" (i made that mistake plenty of times).

this isnt in comfort but in the qualifying phase.

telling her is the gorgeous isnt off limits, but realize this should be used to bring up her Buying-Temp. not to qualify (Alpha-males are always surrounded by sexy women so its no biggie)

Comfort is when she can relate to you, in Comfort she will be talking most of the time about herself and whats going on in her life. and you will build rapport on that.

Jimmay
01-07-2011, 02:54 PM
You did the right thing. Trying to go further with her wouldn't have gone well, the amount of effort you'd need to put out wouldn't be worth it imo.

Sure, she's great, but I'm sure you'll find someone who likes you as much and is willing to give you the sexual relationship you desire :)