View Full Version : Long Fuse with a BF

11-28-2010, 04:48 PM
Been texting on and off with HB9. Worked it to the point where I asked her for a day 2. She told me she couldn't because of her long term bf who she has been on and off with for the last year. Since then she has admitted to wanting to see me again and she has proposed ideas for us to do things.

I have avoided conversation about the boyfriend since. But I want a day 2 with her because she is probably one of the hottest girls I've ever pulled. Is there a way to defuse these girls with boyfriends. I am thinking about asking her to lunch since we both work in the city and she won't have the worries of a boyfriend.

11-28-2010, 04:50 PM
Lunch is okay but have logistics worked out to be able to escalate. She obviously wants to hook up with you, and logistics will make it or break it. Don't make a big deal about the bf, just let her work that out in her own time.

11-28-2010, 04:59 PM
What do you mean by logistics? I've tried the group invite already it failed. I feel like lunch is the best option because she won't feel bad going around her boyfriends back and none of her friends will be there to see.

11-28-2010, 05:04 PM
Logistics meaning a way to get her someplace you could hook up if the vibe is there. Could be a friend's place, hotel, your place if nearby (with roommates out of there, etc.), etc. You don't need to already have a room at a hotel, but you need to know of one you can go to and get a room without any hassle.

Probably best not to do this when you both need to get back to work right away too. (Its okay that you/she SHOULD go back to work, just not NEED to.)

None of this means that is necessarily what's going to happen but don't get yourself in a situation where she is on but it doesn't happen because of obstacles you can't clear. Plan for that stuff ahead of time.

Alpha Electro
11-28-2010, 05:05 PM
Logistics in this circumstance = all the potential distractions, threats, inconveniences, and potential for failure.

Therefore, ensure that your logistics are sorted out beforehand - are all the potential distractions thought of and cleared ahead of time? are all the possible threats thought of and eliminated beforehand? are all the inconveniences that you can think of sorted out and taken into consideration? and are all the potentials for failure (ie. her long term bf calling her while you are on a date with her) considered and have clever solutions lined up for them?

Those are the logistics to your pick-up/seduction (there are a lot more than just some of the few that I've thought of that could be an issue to you).

Other logistics include, just like SmoothOperator said:
- the location for your seduction (hotel, your place that is nearby, or a friend's place, etc.)
- showing her only the areas of town that have a good vibe and are close to your ideal seduction spot
- other people who are yours and hers friends and need considering on whether they are going to help you or hurt you if you accidentally run into them during the date, etc.

11-28-2010, 06:00 PM
Our mutual friends who introduced us have been trying to set up day 2 in a group situation. Her text in the last 3 days have died down but when I do get a text it still contains IOIs.. She uses alot of !!! when talking. Always responds with "I like that!!!" when I tell her something. Or she will randomly text me something like "I am passing your favorite restaurant!!" She also asks me questions regarding my interest and such(which she told me I have alot of good/similar interest).

I've tried to mirror her by not responding as fast. I don't know if this is a good thing because I didnt respond to one text for an entire time... could she have got pissed about that and now thats why I havent been receiving any text back to back like before?

The only reason I think the lunch thing will work out is because I feel like the texting is creating a barrier. She has turned down the other options. IF I can game her in person over lunch I feel like it will up the attraction level some more like after when I first met her.

Alpha Electro
11-28-2010, 08:09 PM
Then do lunch with her! Just pay ensure that you have planned everything out ahead of time though, and have other location(s) ready to take her to which could lead to possible k-closing or seduction.

11-29-2010, 09:23 AM
from what you write it seems like this HB9 is very much into you.
Now, had this been a single lady, I donīt think youīd had very many problems setting up dinner at your place.
The biggest hurdle, as I see it, is her potential moral dilemma regarding her BF.
Whatever the situation with BF, she KNOWS she is cheating on him - and so I think you need some "excuse" for her to be with you.
Perhaps she already HAS made some excuse in her mind, like "he is hot & cold so now I will find someone who can give me affirmation.." or similar.
Itīs of course complete BS, because whatever the situation with BF, there is no excuse for cheating - she could simply dump him and move on instead.

BUT! She seems determined to hook up with you - so perhaps a good way to provide an alibi for her is to come up with some OTHER reason for her to meet you or come over?
Any professional reason why youīd have to meet? Mutual interests? Helping out a mutual friend?

Logically it makes no sense to have this "excuse" for meeting, since you both KNOW what the agenda is.
BUT - the fact is most of us have "cognitive dissonance" whenever we do something that we KNOW goes against our own (good) self-image.
Hence we need an excuse for doing it anyway. It might be a lame excuse, but often we need it.

I think there is a big risk she will flake if you donīt have that excuse ready.
OTOH I think there is a good chance she might even meet you for dinner at your place, if you plan an "innocent" activity as pretext for your rendezvous.

Makes sense?

12-01-2010, 06:16 PM
I think i might have screwed things up!!! Huge AFC moment..

Things were going good. She texted me saying she hoped I had a good day at work. I asked her to lunch. She didnt respond.. next morning I got the following:

HB9: I fell asleep last night sorry. I know this sounds dumb but i cant make plans with just you. I like you and thats wrong right now. I know i just lost points with you.

ME: Sorry I shouldnt have asked to do anything. It was stupid of me. I thought getting to see you again would be a good idea for us to get to know each other better. Maybe some other time.

HB9: I want that too! texting just doesnt cut it. Some day soon.. I promise..

ME: Well if you want to see me also you should make it happen. I dont want to be led on here.

After looking back I let my emotions get in the way which was really dumb of me. It was first thing in the morning and I was still half of asleep also. I havent received anything back since.. should i text her back anything to salvage it.. or let time heal it??

Alpha Electro
12-01-2010, 08:23 PM
Let time heal it or let it go altogether - it seems to me that you did not attract her enough initially, and have now entered the damage control stage.

At this stage, the best way to correct things is to take back all that you've given her and make her miss you.