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View Full Version : So I have sex a lot, now I want more . . . it's tearing me up



DublinAce
11-12-2010, 02:18 PM
Here's the deal.

I have been studying this stuff for a very long time. In all honesty, the material side of things where I had to learn "tactics" and "lines" never really interested me. I wanted to figure out what the underlying beliefs were behind implementing these techniques and was always of the opinion that I didn't want to "cheat" with "A - check // B - check // c - check" stuff.

I wanted to open myself up and discover exactly what was stopping me from being the confident person I am with my family, my kids and in my workplace when I was with girls.

So the deep level change stuff was great for believing in yourself. But with girls - the stuff that really worked for me was David D's Cocky Funny stuff. This outlook was just like an extension of my personality. It was already me - I just didn't "do" it when with girls.

Well I started being that person around girls like a year ago and have had tremendous success. I've slept with over 30 girls in the last few months - great right? Well, not particularly because I'm getting sick of waking up in the morning beside someone that I have absolutely no interest in getting to know better.

Sure, they're hot but it's like having a conversation with a tree. I don't want it anymore.

I want to be able to find myself someone incredible that I can share memories with.

Now, here's the dilemma: I think I've found her but I dunno WTF to do next!

I know she's into me and I'm certainly into her - we've slept together a ton of times in the last 6 weeks and enjoy spending time together in general.

My problem is that I've attracted her to me by being this super cocky, funny, jokey, confident, dont give a fuck what anyone thinks guy - and I genuinely want to tell her that I am beginning to really see past the "fuck buddy" stage with her. I really am.

The unfortunate thing being that doing that goes totally against what she was attracted to in the first place so I'm significantly struggling.

In David D's newsletters he regularly makes reference to guys that attract these girls being this cocky and funny guy but then they "wuss" out at some point and the attraction levels drop. I'm very cautious of that so have avoided giving up any of "my power" in the relationship although I genuinely do want to move this beyond what it is.

The problem I have is taking these girls that I can get into bed within 2 hours and building a relationship with him - and I said these girls as opposed to this girl because I am acutely aware of the fact that I am not going to commit myself to her right now and risk that avatar of me in her mind. So I know that there are plenty of other girls out there I can try to move onto relationships with if this one doesn't work out.

I guess what I'm saying is that I've got the hookup part down - I can lay practically any girl I want when I'm out - but I'm struggling to escalate it from that into something more.

I really am beginning to like this girl a lot - but genuinely don't know what to do. . . . help!

Pacino420
11-12-2010, 02:50 PM
unfortunately thats the character u built for yourself and thats what she likes, if u change who knows if she will like it, is she even ready for all that? maybe she just wants to have fun and not a relationship. Best way is to do it slowly, keep doing what ur doing and slowly drop hints and do sweet stuff, keep it to a minimum and see how she responds.

DublinAce
11-12-2010, 04:26 PM
It seems that itīs just a phase in the "progressionmodel". Donīt change your behaviour all of a sudden. If you hook up on a regular basis and you start to share lives more and more it will just work itīs way naturally. But it seems that you are getting emotional. This is not good if you havenīt been seeing eachother for a longer period of time (3-6 months). Just keep her in contact and escalate the time that you spend with her.

Ok cool, I get what you're saying here. That's exactly what I'm doing and am fully aware of so that's good.

My main issue is like - I would quite enjoy taking her out for lunch or something - but does specifically asking things like that have an impact on the persona she's extremely attracted to? If so - I'm not gonna do it and I'm cool with that. I just get the impression sometimes that she wants me to show her that I'm not just using her as a fuck buddy you know?

I'm like - shit do I prove to her that I do know shes worth more than that and massage what I think she wants? Or is that too much of a risk - especially if I'm wrong and she;s not thinking like that?

I know six weeks isnt an extremely long time but I mean it's not as if it's just sex. There have been random passionate kissing moments that were not in the environment we usually are in when it leads to my place or hers - like clubs etc.

I appreciate the input, thank you.

Basically Yes
11-13-2010, 12:00 AM
If you've been playing games and not being yourself and following a manual then you'll have short term success but trouble with long term.

It sounds like you've just been yourself and your feelings towards her have changed, so communicate that; not as a "pickup artist" would be just do it how you would do it (it's what got you this success in the first place). If she doesn't like it then that's fine - you can't force a relationship to work.

Accept whatever happens and move on.

DublinAce
11-13-2010, 04:26 AM
Dont prove anything, if she likes it fine, if she doesnīt thats fine also. Dont become uncertain of who you are what you like or what you are doing. It doesnt mean anything, its just a way of sharing time. You seem to be scared of loosing her, this will give her an advantage when she tests you. You are clearly thinking about her and coming from a place of scarcity. She wants you to be confident! She want you to lead! Right now you are letting your fantasy about her lead you.

I'm absolutely not coming from a scarcity mindset at all. That's one thing I absolutely know for sure - I have developed into a dont give a fuck guy over the last few years and if this doesn't go anywhere than I'm fine with that. I was just curious if when relationships start growing then "the game" changes is all.

I am leading myself, I can categorically state that - 100% I haven't done anything in any interaction that would indicate that I'm allowing any part of this to lead me.

This situation is a little bit different from random girls I wake up beside though - we've known each other for like 18 months as friends of friends and regularly went out in the same social circles so it's not like just a lay that escalated. Obviously her seeing me go home with the sheer amount of girls I have done has had an impact on the way she looks at me - which is a good thing as it attracted her to me in the first place as pre selection was through the roof - the flip side of that being, she's now making noises about what she wants from life, where she wants to be, what she wants to do and it does all fall in line with some of the things that I want but obviously I'm sitting here pondering the protection of the image she has of me.

I like the girl, yeah - just because I genuinely would like to see where it goes doesn't mean I'm approaching the scenario from scarcity though.


Dont ask her, just pull her along. Show her stuff, show her your favourite restaurant food/dish, place or whatever. Make it happen like it was spontaneous.


I like this! This is what needs to start happening more. Exactly what I needed to hear in this situation dude, thank you.

Little question about it though - should I ensure I do this a couple of times a week? "Spontaneous" planning of things or should I limit to to once per week or?

WHat Im trying to say is, is there a limit to how spontaneous I should be! I quite like spending time with this girl and if it could be a couple of times per week that would be cool.

DublinAce
11-13-2010, 04:32 AM
If you've been playing games and not being yourself and following a manual then you'll have short term success but trouble with long term.

It sounds like you've just been yourself and your feelings towards her have changed, so communicate that; not as a "pickup artist" would be just do it how you would do it (it's what got you this success in the first place). If she doesn't like it then that's fine - you can't force a relationship to work.

Accept whatever happens and move on.

So you'd recommend in my usual manner, just throw a couple of things in there that indicate that I'm beginning to see it as more than just fucking but obviously without turning into a wussbag and crumbling with overflown feelings and gifts(which Im not gonna do anyway)?

DublinAce
12-03-2010, 06:22 AM
Just an update to this situation.

I ended up mentioning to her when we were out that I was starting to like her more than every other girl Ive hooked up with in the last year or so. She freaked out a little and it would appear as though she's ended it as she didn't want one of us to end up hurting each other.

I intent to have a conversation with her at some point just outlining that it's all good and we will go back to being the awesome friends we were before all this started - I need to leave an impression on her so that she wakes up one day and realises she threw this away.

Back to being a player I guess, date tonight and tomorrow with two stunners - I guess relationships aint for me.

Quick one for guys out there. When you meet one thats different from all the others. REJECT those feelings and keep doing what you did to get you there in the first place. I'm thinking seeing someone for like 6 months minimum is the only time when you should have that "chat".

Don't change what got you the results in the first place guys.

QualityGame
12-03-2010, 07:23 AM
Just an update to this situation.

I ended up mentioning to her when we were out that I was starting to like her more than every other girl Ive hooked up with in the last year or so. She freaked out a little and it would appear as though she's ended it as she didn't want one of us to end up hurting each other.

I intent to have a conversation with her at some point just outlining that it's all good and we will go back to being the awesome friends we were before all this started - I need to leave an impression on her so that she wakes up one day and realises she threw this away.

Back to being a player I guess, date tonight and tomorrow with two stunners - I guess relationships aint for me.

Quick one for guys out there. When you meet one thats different from all the others. REJECT those feelings and keep doing what you did to get you there in the first place. I'm thinking seeing someone for like 6 months minimum is the only time when you should have that "chat".

Don't change what got you the results in the first place guys.

It's amazing how much girls "run away" from feelings or the possibility of things "getting serious."

It still boggles my mind, even though I see it all the time.

DublinAce
12-03-2010, 07:30 AM
Venture,

First of all, thank you very much for taking the time out to write such a helpful and well thought out post. That is the type of advice that makes us guys want to join these forums in the first place. Seeing interaction from people like yourself makes it all worth while.

We've connected emotionally on several occasions. She's let me see into her background and how that's moulded her into the person she is today. She's seen my emotional side on many times also, most recently when it was my son's birthday she immediately recognised that I was down and took me out for some late night coffee and we talked for hours about me being so far away from my kids - my vulnerabilities certainly shown through that night. That was the night it ended with nothing but an extremely passionate kiss and hug. It was beautiful.

Everything as going so well until last Friday night where instead of me structuring the conversation in a way that told her I was genuinely starting to feel more interested in her than just a "casual thing" - I think I may have went down the route of expressing these feelings in more of a "this situation is messing with my head" type of communication. Which was certainly not my intention.

We went out the night after for leaving drinks for someone we both know that was leaving the country and I may have let it slip that we "need to talk". She must have perceived this as a recurrence of the previous night's slip of the mouth.

So we didn't talk until Wednesday due to conflicting work schedules and I felt she was being very cold.

I have since asked her for lunch as I so did not want to have that conversation on text. But conflicting work schedules are going to make this extremely hard to do until next Wednesday at the earliest at which point I felt that the window may have passed. Hence me deciding to back off and arrange two dates for this weekend.

The messed up thing is, I have a date tonight with a total 10 that used to work with me. Absolutely stunning. Tomorrow with a beautiful and funny girl I met the other day.

. . and all I can think about is this.

DublinAce
12-03-2010, 08:03 AM
Every single interaction we've had since this started - has been awesome fun. Things just got a little awkward last week.

Im not sure if I can come back from this to be honest. Maybe it's just time to move on.

I never thought I came across needy, but if I did then it's game over. She doesnt react well to that (and neither do I, weve had conversations about that very thing in the past before we hooked up) and would blow me off if I tried to get her out.

I appreciate the input, but I think this one's a busted flush.

corvettester
12-03-2010, 09:41 AM
I would take the natural transition approach. Build up to it. When you do something sweet and meaningful for her, let her know that you don't usually treat women this way, but that she is different, so you'll make an exception for her. Make her feel like she has a civilizing or domesticating affect on you. Women love the idea of being the one to tame a wild man.

Catch her eye and just stare into them at random moments and say something along the lines of "I don't know how you're doing it, but I can't stop thinking about you." Make it seem like you're not used to feeling this way, almost like you're fighting it. Let her know that you're not easy and that this is new and special for you. But get your calibration just right... shit like that will take it to the next level.

Don't ask her out for lunch, take her out to lunch. Then parlay it into something like "You know, I like spending time with you. I enjoy your company... I like taking you out and being in public with you... like your my girl... are you mine?"

I definitely agree with you about the 6 month minimum for having "the chat." I meet so many couples that are telling each other they love each other after 3 months! It never lasts, it always ends in disaster. They place no value on the sanctity of the word "love." Love takes time.

Corvettester

DublinAce
12-03-2010, 10:05 AM
Thats kinda what I was going for Corv. She knows me - weve been out tons of times socially and she knows i dont have problems hooking up. That image of me should be there.

My intention of letting her see being more sensitive and she was getting through the barrier etc just drastically backfired.

I know she hates needy guys, its something weve talked about before. So I honestly think it might be blown if thats the way ive acted. I'll go back to being me and if it draws her in again Ill do it different next time.

We see each other a lot, never know.

DublinAce
12-03-2010, 03:52 PM
Ok so I took the input from here and called her.

Told her that I am NOT going to apologise for telling her what I want and if she has issues with someone being open and honest with her, then that's her problem not mine.

I said we should really talk and sort this out once and for all. If its done its done and Im fine with that, but I do NOT want to wake up in 5 years and think "what if".

She then asked me out tomorrow night, so progress. I just gotta make sure I dont leave anything up to chance now. The door is open - I gotta walk through it.

Thanks all

DublinAce
12-03-2010, 04:51 PM
Aight man, thanks very much.

Does that mean I should approach it from the basis that - the uncomfortableness that clearly appeared(and was probably my doing) never actually took place?

Just rewind it a week and keep going from there. Fun, good laugh, joking, passionate, sexy, beautiful, some vulnerability and take it from there

Venture, I'm very cautious of this line between vulnerability and neediness now . . . any text I can read on it handy? :P

DublinAce
12-04-2010, 12:40 PM
Well, it didnt happen. Said she slipped in the snow and hurt herself - going home to her bed.

Do I believe her? Well I have no reason to doubt her as shes never lied to me before. Can't help feeling it's convenient.

Obviously asked her if theres anything I can do etc but she says its ok shes just going home.

Maybe just terribly bad timing.

I'll remain positive for now.

Wessle
01-07-2011, 09:11 PM
Hey dublinace

Really interesting thread bro. I feel for you, no matter how bad, good, legendary our game is we are still all human and there will always be those people who get inside our heads.

I'm sure theres a lot more going on then what I'm about to mention but I can't help feeling you may have made an error in the way you initially told this girl that you liked her. You said something like you told her you liked her more then any other girl you have hooked up with this year. I can't help thinking most women would take it as a back handed compliment as best. You like her not because of her unique individual qualities but because she's better than whats come before. What happens when someone more special comes along?

Also at the point you're wanting to make things more committed between you and her you're reminding her of the fact that you've hooked up with loads of girls right in front of her. Its evidently true that women like the guys that other women like, pre-selection. But I've found that this is something that always needs to remain unsaid. It's demonstrated but not talked about.

Women in my experience have an incredible, and incredibly frustrating, ability to find the negative in male comments, actions, intentions. Game is as much about not saying the wrong thing as it is about saying the right thing.

Like I say there's clearly more factors at play but I can't help thinking that presenting your feelings for her in reference to other women can't have helped.

Good luck with it though bro. Hope it works out for you.