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TooMuch
06-04-2006, 04:14 AM
Hey Guys, hope you're doing well
So, it's clear just by the title. It's actualy a question because I don't know much about this topic.
I always had friends before the community. Two years ago, I started to dislike hanging out with people that don't go out, Afc's, Nerds etc.
Nowdays, I want some "cool" friends, I'm actualy doing well in befriending female friends and I don't call them pivots ;).
So how does friendship works?
How do you find the friends you want?
I'm talking about friendship between relatively cool people, maybe naturals and guys who like adventure.
Should we follow the thinking school of the networkers?
I'm posting here before I start my researches. I'm wondering if anyone of you already figured this out in some way.
Cheers!

TooMuch
06-04-2006, 12:26 PM
No body has Any Insights about friendship at Alll??? :eek:
Post something guys, I really want to know more about this.

Smoothlatinkid
06-04-2006, 01:07 PM
You find new friends by being open and talkative. It's as simple as going out or doing the things that you like doing, starting conversations with others there, and suggesting--if they're cool and you hit it off---that you hang out again.
Really not that different than sarging girls.
As far as the female friends go, if they're attractive, they can function as good social proof. But be careful that you're not "the pet"--a nice guy that is basically de-fanged and de-balled. There should be an air of flirtation with them---even if you're not going to take it anywhere.
Hope this helps.

Paradox121
06-04-2006, 01:43 PM
Humans are pack animals. There will be an alpha male or female of there pack which often dictates the direction that group will go in terms of interests. Often 'cool' pack alphas will have friends similar to him; as his influence affects the group dynamic and his friends beliefs and behaviour.
Friendship is very important to every human, as we are very sociable. The need to be social is because it was vital for our survival many thousands of years ago and still is today.
In terms of finding 'cool' friends, you must become there equal. A cool guy will rarely be found in a group of socially inept guys. If you don't posess the necessary confidence and charisma you will need to develop it. You will be then seen as 'cool', and you will often become pack alpha (so by influencing your friends) or being more readily accepted by a click with 'cool' guys in it.

HITCH
06-04-2006, 02:56 PM
If you are infact "cool" then you will have no problem befriending "cool" PEOPLE.
There is something slightly strange about you trying to "Find cool people".
What is cool?
What is your definition of cool?
Why is it so important for you to associate with the "IN-crowd"?
You should be your own man and not worry about "can I sit at the popular kids table".
Your use of the word "nerd" bothers me.
It has such a mean connotation to it.
If you don't like people that don't go out then go out by yourself you will find plenty of "cool" people to be "cool" with.
Sorry if my tone sounds a little mean but the fact that you are asking about making cool friends kinda gives me the impression that you have some insecurities. If you are just starting your journey into the nitelife then be weary of the "cool" people. They usually prey upon people trying to fit in.
Don't be so concerned with things like "cool" and "nerd". This isn't High School!!

TooMuch
06-04-2006, 03:32 PM
Whoa, great insights guys, I really apreciate it.
- Smoothlatinkid:
Yep man, that's what I anticipate, just fluff, and if it clicks then we should hang out. :D
For female friends, It's clear that I'm an "alpha" presence. I'm the "protector" and it's not about my ego, don't worry.
- Paradox121
Yep, it's true, I got to define what's cool for me, and see what I need to do/develope to get with these people.
- HITCH
I'm relatively "cool", I deal with my insecurities one after another. I got rid of all the insecurities I'm aware of. And I have no ego about relationships, I focus on having a good time and enjoying every minute.
I feel something strange about this too. :D:D
I say NERDS, because I was one of them. It consumed a large amount of my life. And I dislike it, honestly.
I'm not concerned with being in the IN-Crowd. I'm just about 1- Defining the exact type of friends I want 2- Figure out how to befriend them.
Another question: Do you guys think that it's normal to have different kinds of friends according to different areas of life?
Example: I compose some Hip-Hop, go out, interested in Self-Help, Study Economics, Sarge, Do some sport. It's impossible to have someone that is intersted in all this at once. So... :confused:

HITCH
06-04-2006, 03:46 PM
Whoa, great insights guys, I really apreciate it.
- Smoothlatinkid:
Yep man, that's what I anticipate, just fluff, and if it clicks then we should hang out. :D
For female friends, It's clear that I'm an "alpha" presence. I'm the "protector" and it's not about my ego, don't worry.
- Paradox121
Yep, it's true, I got to define what's cool for me, and see what I need to do/develope to get with these people.
- HITCH
I'm relatively "cool", I deal with my insecurities one after another. I got rid of all the insecurities I'm aware of. And I have no ego about relationships, I focus on having a good time and enjoying every minute.
I feel something strange about this too. :D:D
I say NERDS, because I was one of them. It consumed a large amount of my life. And I dislike it, honestly.
I'm not concerned with being in the IN-Crowd. I'm just about 1- Defining the exact type of friends I want 2- Figure out how to befriend them.
Another question: Do you guys think that it's normal to have different kinds of friends according to different areas of life?
Example: I compose some Hip-Hop, go out, interested in Self-Help, Study Economics, Sarge, Do some sport. It's impossible to have someone that is intersted in all this at once. So... :confused:
Dude , I have many different friends from all walks of life. But don't hate your nerd side. That is the one side that is unapologetic about the things only you find important.
I'm an illustrator and I'm a huge comic, videogame geek and I love it.
You don't have to put all of your friends together. Keep them and your personalities seperate if you wish. Just because your sport friends don't sarge dosen't mean you forget about them. I used to do hiphop beats and dance, but those friends knew I was an artist and found my geek side refreashing and cool. It also allowed them to bring out their "innergeek".
My friends don't judge me, not my real friends anyway( I only have a few and I like it that way).
The most important advice I could give you is: "Don't confuse friends with aquaintences". Hangers on come and go, but real friends stick around forever.

TooMuch
06-04-2006, 04:11 PM
Yes I did that. Thanks man.

TooMuch
06-06-2006, 07:02 AM
Dude , I have many different friends from all walks of life. But don't hate your nerd side. That is the one side that is unapologetic about the things only you find important.
I'm an illustrator and I'm a huge comic, videogame geek and I love it.
You don't have to put all of your friends together. Keep them and your personalities seperate if you wish. Just because your sport friends don't sarge dosen't mean you forget about them. I used to do hiphop beats and dance, but those friends knew I was an artist and found my geek side refreashing and cool. It also allowed them to bring out their "innergeek".
My friends don't judge me, not my real friends anyway( I only have a few and I like it that way).
The most important advice I could give you is: "Don't confuse friends with aquaintences". Hangers on come and go, but real friends stick around forever.
Sounds good, thanks a lot.
I like this sentence: "Hangers on come and go, but real friends stick around forever."
Maybe I shouldn't take this stuff too seriously, and yea, you're right: Hanger on, come and go, and you can find some true friends along the way.
Thank you HITCH
Btw, I found a program that I'll go through:
- Anthony Robbins - On building extraordinary relationships.

Masters
06-06-2006, 07:17 AM
Hey Guys, hope you're doing well
So, it's clear just by the title. It's actualy a question because I don't know much about this topic.
I always had friends before the community. Two years ago, I started to dislike hanging out with people that don't go out, Afc's, Nerds etc.
Nowdays, I want some "cool" friends, I'm actualy doing well in befriending female friends and I don't call them pivots ;).
So how does friendship works?
How do you find the friends you want?
I'm talking about friendship between relatively cool people, maybe naturals and guys who like adventure.
Should we follow the thinking school of the networkers?
I'm posting here before I start my researches. I'm wondering if anyone of you already figured this out in some way.
Cheers!
As I progress through the community I'm losing a few of my old friends. It's more like they're not accepting me as the guy who gets the girl they want so they have to talk shit about me behind my back. So I guess I'm learning who my real friends are. I'm in this process too.. building a new social circle of guys who are positive and have the same general goals I do. Wealth, ambition, women... ect. Figure out what kind of friends you want and then put your self in a situation to meet new people or go places where you're going to meet guys interested in the same general hobby. lol pick up friends.

TooMuch
06-06-2006, 07:32 AM
Lol,
..Hey man, do you think the rockstar david bowie is hot?
:D:D:D:D

EpiTomE
06-06-2006, 10:45 AM
Where are you guys meetin new friends? At the bar or just out and around or through the community?? Im in a small town and its pretty fuckin cliquey... its gay!! And I'm finding the same thing... now that I know what I want and I'm more confident and more ambitious... I find my old friends trying to undercut me and one of them doesn't even want to talk to me... its fuckin stupid and its causin me some stress!!! I got two questions then I guess... How do you let friends go? Cuz I feel shitty because I feel its my fault theyre pushin me away since Im the one whose changin right... and Any ideas on some fun shit to do in a small town that I could do to make some new friends??

Masters
06-06-2006, 11:01 AM
Where are you guys meetin new friends? At the bar or just out and around or through the community?? Im in a small town and its pretty fuckin cliquey... its gay!! And I'm finding the same thing... now that I know what I want and I'm more confident and more ambitious... I find my old friends trying to undercut me and one of them doesn't even want to talk to me... its fuckin stupid and its causin me some stress!!! I got two questions then I guess... How do you let friends go? Cuz I feel shitty because I feel its my fault theyre pushin me away since Im the one whose changin right... and Any ideas on some fun shit to do in a small town that I could do to make some new friends??
lol TooMuch
Anyway, Yeah man.. I'm constantly looking back on my actions and judging my self to see if I've done anything to really deserve the negativity I get from *some* old friends (Not ALL old friends). My conclusion is that these guys weren't really friends to begin with but there for whatever superficial reason.
I'm making a couple new friends in the community. I ALWAYS encourage guys to MEET people from the community. Figure out if they're cool guys in real life. If they are then awesome you just made an invaluable friend. Expand your social circle. Open mixed sets and ACTUALLY make friends with the guys instead of just gaming/amoging them. Look at work/school and start conversations with strangers. You'll only expand your social circle and meet new people if you do exactly that. Regardless though you'll still run into the fake assholes from time to time. However the larger your social circle the more genuine people you'll find as well.

TooMuch
06-07-2006, 11:59 AM
EpiTomE,
Move to a bigger city, life is short :) :D.
Or.. regularly drive there..

-RC-
06-07-2006, 12:27 PM
Hey, I'm going through the same thing Epitome...
As I begin to change, a certain cliquey group who I'd been friends with for a long time has been snubbing me. I've seen this group snub a few others and have come to know the signs and partly had expected it would come to me one day. But I think I was half-snubbing them too, as I developed better values I wasn't exactly quiet about my disapproval when the group did something wrong.
I've just come to accept that sometimes people will naturally grow apart, as we do when we commit to improving ourselves. I also think it helps the process of growth, in that being around an old social hierarchy will act as inertia to keep you where you've always been... It helps to seperate yourself from older connections when changing yourself. There are also the deeper friendships who will still accept you, real friends.
For me it's been a bit of a transitionary phase, between old friends and developing new friendships has been a bit of a lone-wolf phase, but if you put yourself out there, new opprotunities will come.
It's good to know this isn't such an uncommon situation. :D

inventory0297
06-07-2006, 12:45 PM
This is simple really. Be sociable. Talk to people at any given chance. Don't worry about the "in crowd". There are thousands of different "in crowds".
Then, filter the people who are not conducive to your lifestyle. This will be as natural as asking yourself, "do I want to hang out with this person?" Exactly the same as PU, except you don't game, you socialize and filter.
You won't make good friends on demand, it will come from shared interests, beliefs, experiences, ambitions etc. Meanwhile you will build a large social network which will start to feed on itself and expand seemingly of its own accord.
I come at this from the standpoint that everyone has something to offer, but it may not be what you're looking for.
Also recognize the root of what Masters is saying, which is that people and situations change. Realize that people can and do drift apart. Don't let it "cause stress", recognize it as part of the journey. I was in the "in crowd" in HS, out of the 100 or so of us that were I maintain close friendships with perhaps 20. Some of them I haven't seen in five years. Doesn't matter. We're bro's for life (even the girls, the term "bros" is somewhat disingenuous, but I'm from Cali, what can I say ;) ). Are they different? Yes. Am I different? Yes. But your truly good friends will be accepting of you unless you step so far out of line that it is time to examine yourself.
There is a girl I was together with for a while in HS. Tahnee, we used to call her the "Indian outlaw" because she was fuckin' crazy wild. We used to ditch class and go zap bailers at her house with the crew (ahh, the in crowd......... :rolleyes: ). Fry on the weekends, party all night, all that great and healthy stuff. She recently came to Santa Barbara with her husband. This crazy chick is now a housewife in Virginia with two kids, I'm in the family real estate business in Southern California. Our lives are VERY different............but she made it a point to look me up, and we talked all night. We hadn't seen each other since 2001, but we still knew each other well. That is a good friend. You cannot make it happen, it just will.
Don't overthink this just like you shouldn't overthink approaching a woman. Make the changes you want to in YOUR LIFE. Self actualize and be honest with yourself, and it will all flow..........

Smoothlatinkid
06-07-2006, 01:37 PM
This is a great thread, because I think it goes to the core of a lot things we're trying to accomplish here.
I'm in Hollywood, and for the last year, I was "friends" with a lot of the "in" crowd. Guys who own restaurants, clubs, etc. But I could never shake the fact that the relationships were eternally superficial. Those guys had women around them and I wanted to be down; I did business with them and they wanted me to be down.
Because of the women I wanted, I was becoming that stupid superficial guy that I always hated.
The funny thing is, they never got me laid....and they never got me paid. So why was I hanging around?
They're successful with women. I wanted to learn.
Did I learn? Not really. I learned more on my own, frankly.
The truest thing is that there ARE several IN crowds...and it's important to meet and find people that are reciprocal and cool. That, and knowing your best self and the identity you have, are your best assets when assembling your crew.

TooMuch
06-07-2006, 02:47 PM
Guys!
Thanks for all of your contributions in this thread. I found answers to some frustrating questions.
I just wantde to mention ana awesome book about Networking, especialy for promoting your careers.. I read that book, you can get in the free mailbag.
This is out of the community, the book is called: Never Eat Alone (and other business ideas, one relationship at a time) www.nevereatalone.com
Check out who is giving him (Keith Ferrazzi) Feedback..
I mention it here because it's rellevant to the topic.