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View Full Version : too much frame games and hoops???



earcracker
05-31-2006, 01:08 PM
This hb8 i'm kindof in a mltr with is constantly playing frame games and putting hoops up. She tends to do it on her friends too. She's not fully accepting the openness in our relation. That may be why it's gotten to the point where I let it annoy me. I don't want to be constantly on guard for frame games with a mltr.
Any ideas on how to deal with that?

Paradox121
05-31-2006, 02:52 PM
You need to start to stamp down on this. Call her on any bullshit she gives you, the reason it's getting to you is because you havn't done enought to sort it. If she keeps doing it, sit her down and firmly say something like: "treat me with respect or this relationship is over!"
Otherwise
Get a new girlfriend

Bullitt
06-01-2006, 02:22 AM
I agree that you have to next a girl who refuses to put away the head games in your personal life. What do you guys say about a girl who is doing this at work?
I spent a weekend with a girl from work and her friends about a month back. We had a great time that weekend and got along fine at work previously to that. She threw a lot of IOI's my way that weekend and basically invited me to have sex with her after ignoring her previous advances. I wasn't that into her and I didn't want that to happen with a co-worker. I let her down easy though, and just said I was tired and wanted to drive back home with some friends. Ever since then, she's been acting like my bratty little sister, but with a really condescending mannor about her. She constantly shit tests me and constantly puts up hoops.
I do a fairly good job at refraiming and neutralizing her shit tests and she'll break from it only to come back a week later and start all over. Clearly asserting myself her would be a logical move. In your personal life, however, after having made it clear how you feel about this kind of behavior and that you'd like it to stop, if she doesn't respect that you have the option of avoiding her. I'm afriad that if I assert myself to her at work and she blows it off, I'll just be feeding into her desire to behave this way and possibly invite more of it. I sit right next to her so I can't get away. Also, when I do a good job of defending myself and re-framing her, she'll send an email to her friends saying how much she "picks on me" and how mean she is...so when she isn't effective in getting to me and is frustrated by that, she lowers my value by framing our interactions as her bullying me even though I'm neutralizing her effectively, especially then.
This hasn't escalated to the point of being derogatory so I don't need hire-ups to intervine. Should I just continue to beat her at her own game and hope that will be clear to others despite what she is saying to them or should I maybe ratchet this up a bit and start becomming a little more arrogant toward her, intimidate her in some way? I would never consider this last option but I'm wondering what choices I have if this is my job and I can't get away.

Jester
06-01-2006, 09:14 PM
earcracker you need to learn to redirect the hoops, remember dont jump through hers until she jumps one of yours.
She is testing you for compliance, this isnt bad thing, infact if you know how to handle it its what makes the game interesting and 'alive'!!
Frame games are a constant thing in relationship, get used to it and learn to enjoy it. Once you know how you will LOVE it and enjoy any opportunity that comes your way to the point you will get a hard on whenever a hoop is thrown in your face.

Hatman
06-02-2006, 08:06 AM
This hb8 i'm kindof in a mltr with is constantly playing frame games and putting hoops up. She tends to do it on her friends too. She's not fully accepting the openness in our relation. That may be why it's gotten to the point where I let it annoy me. I don't want to be constantly on guard for frame games with a mltr.
Any ideas on how to deal with that?
following on from what jester said, you definetely need to remain in control of the conversation. theres a few good examples of how to go about doing this in my signature below
regards