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View Full Version : back off? or step in



struck
09-25-2009, 10:18 AM
Ok long story.. slow burn girl took 3 months to get out on a date..

went ok, month later we hook up again, and are now seeing each other like 1-2 times per week, have slept with her a few times over the last 2 months, she's playing 10 girl game I guess, is super cool, isn't even "seeing me" as such to hear her talk, does slip occaisionally and show she's into me in a big way.. plus she has to drive like 30 mins to come see me everytime.. she's 24 and I'm 37 so it's tight game for me so far ;)

anyway.. she just started a new job, two weeks ago, used to sms me every morning saying morning xx etc.. and same at night.. this has dropped off now.. hardly any xx most of her sms's are just in reply to mine..but not all ..

she does ring and proactiveyly sms me sometimes though so she does show interest outside just being nice and responding.

Lately she's not been smsing morning, she not been doing night xx either.. shes not text all day today, she is really tired with new job.. it feels like she's backed off but I dunno if I should step in a bit more and be more supportive with new job.. or just mirror her and back off.. but then again part of me just says thats damn right ignorant 2 months down the line.. what you guys think I should do to not funk it up?

I know she's really down at the moment so do I give her space and not sms her.. or do I step in and up the "caring" element

I'm not just banging this one.. I actually really like her and am looking at her as long term gf.. as she has the qualities I seek in a girl personally.. so it' quite important that I don't funk it up.. I know I can just blow her out and get laid this weekend with some other chick BUT I want this one lol..

help plz guys

10s_a_way_of_life
09-26-2009, 01:31 AM
its really hard to say without knowing specifics.

while this may or may not be the case with you, i know that people can get overly tied up in certain aspects of the game and over use them. frame control is a classic, and being too aloof is another. im a believer (and if heard it from many gurus) that it is alright to do 'nice guy' things if you are doing them from your own intentions. that is, buying her a present, or comforting her can be done in a lame approval seeking way, or in a genuine spontaneous and caring way.

similar is how people start to never ask questions about someone because it is 'a nice guy thing to do'. that is true only if you do it in the wrong sequence... maybe being caring is the same. maybe you have already done enough to be allowed to be caring?

personally i would say step in, you might bring your relationship to a new level... but see what more seasoned members on here say first.

i get the feeling after all these words i didnt actually answer your question, but hopefully some of it was food for thought. let me know.

Hitman47
09-26-2009, 03:48 PM
ur in a relationship - Step In
Ur jst dating - Step out

struck
09-26-2009, 07:42 PM
I tried to step in... got her in the corner of a bar... gave her the .. where are we talk.. n she basicallly said I've been in a 7 year relationship so im not lookin to go there again yet talk...

I am so it wasn't what I wanted to hear... so we kissed...parted ways an sms'd afterwards to say hope u got home ok...but I've not been in touch since... aint what she's lookin for so feck it... move to next one :( ...shame as she's hot as feck too :(

10s_a_way_of_life
09-26-2009, 11:25 PM
sorry to hear that.

these things happen, you took a chance.

i do have one thing to say though. what girls say and what they mean are not always the same thing. if you like her i wouldn't just disregard her yet. put her on the back burner and keep gaming her, but with no expectations. i say this because it MAY be (also may not) that when she said not keen for a relationship, she might mean shes still interested but your moving too fast, or that she doesn't want to define what you are yet. so if you keep up with her she may come round eventually - but shes not gona come round if you right her off and ignore her.

whether this is possible also probably depends on what you said when she told you that. care to share?

struck
09-27-2009, 02:13 AM
I was really drunk, didn't expect to hook up with her that night so was off guard when she sms'd me and we hooked up

from what I can remember I was mr AFC lol.. I asked what are we at, are we even seeing each other... are we exclusive etc.

she replied she had been exclusive, wasn't seeing anyone else but had no issue if I was... I said so if I was dating like 2 other girls she'd be cool with that and still see me and she said yep.. she'd see me but probably not as much... which implies she sees us as a nothing more than a weekly sofa snuggle session

I think I'm going to just back off now, I haven't been in touch since yesterday morning at like 4am.. neither has she, she's supposed to be coming over tonight but I'm guessing it's not gonna happen, kinda basically said if you aren't up for a long term thing then say so.. let's move on... doh doh.. although she hasn't said that, just ignored my sms to that effect.. yet it feels by the lack of contact she's saying it lol... but then again it's been two months of daily sms'ing.. 1-2 hook ups per week.. it's been very intensive and involved.. and it appears it was just her having some fun rather than anything deeper/longer so I think she's a bit of an ice queen lol.. like I normally am

I really like her but this feels like shit so I'm torn between getting in touch and not.. but so far the not is winning

should I not get in touch? or if I do sms .. what do I say :(

struck
09-27-2009, 08:04 AM
I waited it out... she sms'd earlier.. asking how I was, hoped I had a good night last night and told me she worked late, been busy today etc.

whole episode has made me realise I had oneitis (then again I am trying to date her) but I need to back off, stop trying to display non player attributes (she said she thought I was a player... so I deliberately set out to show this isn't the case)..

went out last night, opened about 8 sets, hooked a smoking hottie and bounced her to another bar, made me realise I need to keep at it.. I need an abundance of women, means no one girl is THAT important.. options/choices = power to choose

if there's little choice then I start assigning too much value to the one girl, what she's thinking, doing, where he head is etc..

lesson learned!