View Full Version : Why Women dont want the 'nice guy' Part 2 - Abundance Theory

08-06-2009, 03:07 AM
I want to continue my series on why women don't want the 'nice guy' by talking about 'abundance' theory. (You can read part 1 of the article here (http://www.theattractionforums.com/5-0/98254-why-women-dont-want-nice-guy-part-1-a.html))

So what exactly do I mean by abundance?

Say you saved up for 10 years and bought a bar of gold bullion. It would take pride of place on your mantelpiece and you would polish it and show it off every day. BUT. If you were robbed and lost it, you would be devastated as that thing you worked so hard for has gone and you're unlikely to get it back. you would bore your friends with stories of how this was the perfect bar and you'll never replace it, and curse the universe for taking it away from you.

However, if you had hundreds of the bars and you lost one, sure it would be disappointing, but you would still have many more bars you need to polish and that would take up your time - you would get over the loss faster.

The same goes for women; if you have options in your dating life, your attitude will shift from being needy and clingy to that one girl, to being a lot more chilled and relaxed, should you 'lose' her or if she bails on a date etc.

Why is this an issue?

A consistent recurring theme I hear from guys on bootcamps, and girls, I work with is that they want to know how to 'get' this one special person. They focus all their time and energy on them to the exclusion of anyone else. They become the 'nice' and needy guy, constantly calling / texting / facebooking / sending flowers etc her to get her attention and trying to line up dates. They take her bullshit, put up with unacceptable behaviour and are generally presenting an incredibly weak and unchallenging frame (Check out Savoy's article on frame control here (http://www.therealsavoy.com/2009/04/framing-and-frame-control-as-dating.html)).

This has the net effect of you losing attraction in her eyes, as you are way too available and way too little of a challenge. I mean, how much of a cool guy can you be if you're behaving as if she is the only girl on the planet. Refer back to the cat string analogy in the first article.

Society has conditioned men and women to find 'the one'. The simple statistic that there are over 6 billion people alive today (source International Population Database (http://www.census.gov/ipc/www/idb/worldpopinfo.php)) should surely prove that this idea is completely outrageous. The statistics are stacked in your favour that there are many women who you would want to have as a girlfriend.

This doesn't mean you should never settle down, I mention it to show that until you are in a relationship with a woman, you should not focus 100% of your dating attention on her.

How do I create abundance?


Having abundance means you should act as if nothing is ever be a 'big deal'.

If a girl cancels a date on you and you get all crazy and angry and respond emotionally to it, then she knows you don't have options and as such, you lose value.

However, if she cancels and your attitude is more 'hey, no problem, Ill call you and we'll reschedule' - you are sub-communicating that, sure, its a shame you wont be going on the date, but its not a massive issue, because YOU HAVE OPTIONS. Plus, you still have the ball in your court as you have said you will call her to reschedule.

If you need some text game tips, Braddock and Savoy wrote an awesome post on the Attraction Forums about it - check it out here.

The abundance to-do list:

Fake it til you make it - Chill out, relax, if you feel the need to text a girl again before shes replied, call a friend, play xbox, go to the gym, just go do something that distracts you from thinking about it!
Go out more! - If you're reading more than you're going out, you wont be meeting different women.
Start going for dates instead of just collecting phone numbers - Ive lost count of the number of guys who'll gladly show me they have hundreds of women's numbers, but yet no dates for the following week.
They don't have to cost the earth, but should definitely be fun, exciting and different.
You will quickly discover that, When you are dating several times a week and one cancels, it really is no big deal as you have several other options open to you, and suddenly, the abundance 'theory' has become abundance 'reality'.